If parents are against the marriage and istekhara is positive should I marry without their consent

Fatwa ID: 01547

Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Question:

If parents are against the marriage and istekhara is positive should I marry without their consent? 

Answer:

Bismillah

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

I will begin answering your question by firstly mentioning the ruling of marrying without the parents consent and secondly some points regarding istikharah.

The initial view of the Hanafi school of thought was that the marriage of a free sane adult woman without the approval of her guardian is valid if the person she is marrying is a legal and suitable match for her in terms of their religion, independence, lineage and possession. If the person happens to be unsuitable for her in terms of the aforementioned categories then the marriage will be deemed invalid.

However due to the corrupt nature of society today (Fasad-zaman), if a free, sane adult women gets married without her guardians consent, the marriage will be valid irrespective of whether the man is a suitable match for her or not. (Raddul-Muhtar p157v4)

According to the teachings of Imam Shafee, Imam Malik and Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal raḥimahullāh (may Allāh have mercy upon him) it is necessary for a woman to seek permission from her guardian in order to get married.

“The Prophet of Allah ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) has said, “There is no marriage without the consent of the guardians.” (Sunan Abu Dawud P284v1 & Sunan Ibn Majah p135 v1)

With regards to istikharah Imam An-Nawawi has said, "After performing the istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what he himself had desired or determined." (Fiqhus Sunnah: 2.32) After performing istikarah the person will (Insha Allah) get guidance from Allah and be inclined towards what is right. It is not necessary that it is seen in a dream or even as a vision while awake.

Looking at your situation, if you have sincerely and correctly done the istikharah then the good feelings your getting may be from Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) and he is guiding you to the right decision. But, at the same time respecting and pleasing our parents are paramount. Therefore, my advice will be to speak to your parents about this proposal and explain to them the istikharah you performed. If Allah wills your parents will understand your feelings for this proposal and will give their blessings to it.

By all means try not to displease your parents by marrying without their happiness and consent even though as mentioned above the marriage will be done.

Sayyiduna Abu Bakrah raḍyAllāhu 'anhu (may Allāh be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam (peace and blessings of Allāh be upon him) said:

As for all those other sins, Allah subḥānahu wa ta'āla (glorified and exalted be He) defers whichever He wills up to the Last Day of Qiyamah – except the sin of depriving parents of their rights and disobeying them. The punishment for that is given, much before the Hereafter comes, right here in this world as well. [Bayhaqi, Shuab Al-Imaan]

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham.

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