Fatwa ID: 02222
Answered by Ustadha Mahdiyah Siddique
Salam Alaikum. I am hoping you can provide me with some help and guidance.
I have been married for 6 months and I live with my in laws. My husband made it clear to me before marriage that he needs to live with his parents and I agreed at the time however I feel like I can’t do this anymore. My husband and in laws are good to me, they care about me, respect me and want me to be happy but I am always in a state of anxiety, always on edge, feeling lost at times, worry what in laws might think, feel bitter at times, resentment is starting to grow, my faith has weakened, I feel trapped at times- I’m tired of these feelings.
I have prayed long and hard for these feelings can change? I keep telling myself sabr, I keep telling myself it’s a test, I keep telling myself, my husband is a good man- therefore he is worth the test, I tell myself- you don't have it bad- they’ve never done anything bad to you, they are good to you but still I can’t shift these feelings I have.
I say all these things, yet I continue feeling like this. Why is it?? Why do I keep feeling like this? I have no reason to!? It’s frustrating! My mental state when I’m in the house is that I am never comfortable. I feel like I don’t have the freedom to invite who I want to the house. I feel this state of mine will never change. I don’t think I will ever be comfortable here and I don’t have the courage to speak up and be bold and brave.
I want my own house. What I’m asking for does not make me a bad person does it? I feel my husband should step up and move out regardless of what parents think because I am really struggling here. I could continue to have sabr, and silence my feelings but know that these feelings can lead to bad consequences.
Please help and advise. Thank You.
In response to your question;
It is from one of the rights of the wife upon the husband that she is provided with suitable accommodation wherein she can go about her business without the interruption of others.
This can be established from the Quranic verse; ‘Lodge them (in a section) of where you dwell, out of your means and do not harm them in order to oppress them.’ (Surah at-Talaq: Verse 6)
The above stated verse speaks in reference to the divorced female, what can be derived from this is if the divorced female during her ‘iddah is to be given accommodation by the former husband in a separate section/dwelling then it will be more fitting that a wife is to be provided with her own dwelling.
The husband does not have the right to force his wife to reside, eat/drink or work for his family, if she does so it is because she has chosen to do so out of her own goodwill.
In conclusion, it would be advised that you speak about the issues you are facing with your husband, putting forth your preference of wanting your own house, then you can take the matter from there, not addressing the issue will only cause more problems and create further animosity.
Only Allah Knows Best
Written by Ustadha Mahdiyah Siddique
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham