Fatwa ID: 09050
Answered by Alimah Easha Amin
Question:
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,
I hope you are well.
I am seeking sincere advice regarding a marriage situation and would greatly appreciate your guidance.
I have known a brother for several years. Unfortunately, in the past, our relationship was not conducted in a halal manner and we fell into major sin (zina). However, Alhamdulillah, we have both repented sincerely, cut off that type of interaction, and are now trying to move forward in a way that is pleasing to Allah.
We are both considering marriage. From my understanding, he is serious about his deen now, and I also am striving to improve myself اسلامically.
However, his family are strongly against the idea of him marrying me. This is mainly due to past issues, including things they discovered, which caused them to lose trust. Because of this, they are refusing the marriage and may potentially cut ties with him if he goes ahead.
My question is:
If he chooses to marry me despite his parents’ strong opposition, would he be sinful in doing so? And if his family were to cut ties with him, would he be held accountable for that?
Additionally, if he continues to make efforts to maintain a relationship with his parents after marriage, would that be sufficient in fulfilling his Islamic duties towards them?
We want to ensure that any step we take is within the boundaries of Islam and does not lead to further sin.
Jazakum Allahu khayran for your time and guidance.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Obedience to one’s parents is one of the most important obligations and social injunctions of Islam. Parents deserve one’s utmost respect, and their rights come after the right of Allah Almighty and His beloved Messenger (Allah bless him & give him peace). Disrespecting one’s parents and being bad to them is a major sin.
Allah Most High reminds us:
۞ وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًۭا وَبِذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَـٰكِينِ وَٱلْجَارِ ذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْجَارِ ٱلْجُنُبِ وَٱلصَّاحِبِ بِٱلْجَنۢبِ وَٱبْنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًۭا فَخُورًا ٣٦
Worship Allah ˹alone˺ and associate none with Him. And be kind to parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, near and distant neighbours, close friends, ˹needy˺ travellers, and those ˹bondspeople˺ in your possession. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful.
(Surah al-Nisa Ayah 36) [1]
And:
Sayyidna Mu’adh ibn Jabal RA says that, out of the ten things the Holy Prophet SAW had asked me to be particular about, one was: ‘do not associate anyone with Allah even if you are killed or burnt alive’; and the second was: ‘Do not disobey or hurt your parents even if they ask you to leave your children and family.” (Musnad Ahmad) [2]
And:
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا ٢٣
وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا ٢٤
For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.
And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.”
(Surah al-Isra Ayah 23-24) [3]
Imam al-Qurtubi says that, in this verse (23), Allah Ta’ala has made it necessary (wajib) to respect and treat parents well by combining it with the command to worship Him. [4]
One should not fear falling into fornication and the unlawful.
Your options are very simple but difficult. You might wind up hurting someone either way. Your first option is to persist with his parents, even if it takes time. You will have to be patient, kind, maintain good etiquette and character, and pray every step of the way. Ask Allah to facilitate the matter for you and let them get to know you. You may face rejection, but at least you tried instead of wondering if you tried hard enough.
I advise against rushing into marriage, knowing that it will devastate his parents. I also don’t recommend dragging this on for too long. That would be unfair to you, your family, and to your prospective husband. Do everything in your power to reason with his parents, both on your own, and with the help of community elders. Try your very best to reach a compromise before coming to a final decision. Ideally, it would be best for you to marry him with his parents’ blessings. If this is unlikely, then you must decide if you are ready for the consequences of marrying against their wishes.
Most importantly, remember Allah is the Turner of hearts. Stand up in last third of the night and beseech Allah for His Mercy, and for a swift opening.
The reality is that even if you do comply with his parent’s wishes you both may again fall into sin.
At the end of the day, should you decide to go against his parents’ wishes, realise that this comes with heavy consequences. It is common for unhappy parents to cut off ties with their children as a result of feeling betrayed. Usually, they come around with the birth of their grandchildren. Until that happens, know that it will be a difficult road for you both. Some marriages can fall apart from this pressure, while others may still thrive. Please remember that it is a lonely road for couples rejected by their family, so surround yourself with people who can support both of you.
If you do marry against their wishes, it is still important for you to maintain ties with his parents, no matter how poorly they treat you. He remains their son but he should shield you as much as possible from their anger, of course. He must still visit them and treat them with love, compassion and respect. InshaAllah through your excellent character with difficult parents, Allah will elevate your station in Jannah. It may be hard to imagine right now, but his parents want what is best for him. They are simply doing what they think is right. May Allah grant us all patience with our parents, as they have been patient with us.
Only Allah ﷻ knows best.
Written by Alimah Easha Amin
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
References:
[1]
Surah al-Nisa Ayah 36
۞ وَٱعْبُدُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا۟ بِهِۦ شَيْـًۭٔا ۖ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًۭا وَبِذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْيَتَـٰمَىٰ وَٱلْمَسَـٰكِينِ وَٱلْجَارِ ذِى ٱلْقُرْبَىٰ وَٱلْجَارِ ٱلْجُنُبِ وَٱلصَّاحِبِ بِٱلْجَنۢبِ وَٱبْنِ ٱلسَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَن كَانَ مُخْتَالًۭا فَخُورًا ٣٦
[2]
Mariful Quran, Maktaba-e-Darul-Uloom, Vol 2, pg 433, Accessed Via Internet Archive 02/05/2026
Sayyidna Mu’adh ibn Jabal RA says that, out of the ten things the Holy Prophet SAW had asked me to be particular about, one was: ‘do not associate anyone with Allah even if you are killed or burnt alive’; and the second was: ‘Do not disobey or hurt your parents even if they ask you to leave your children and family.” (Musnad Ahmad)
[3]
Surah al-Isra Ayah 23-24
۞ وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓا۟ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِٱلْوَٰلِدَيْنِ إِحْسَـٰنًا ۚ إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ ٱلْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفٍّۢ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًۭا كَرِيمًۭا ٢٣
وَٱخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ ٱلذُّلِّ مِنَ ٱلرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ٱرْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِى صَغِيرًۭا ٢٤
[4]
Mariful Quran, Maktaba-e-Darul-Uloom, Vol 5, pg 479, Accessed Via Internet Archive 02/05/2026
Imam al-Qurtubi says that, in this verse (23), Allah Ta’ala has made it necessary (wajib) to respect and treat parents well by combining it with the command to worship Him.