Fatwa ID: 09366
Answered by Muftiyah Maryam Badshah
Question:
AssalamuAlaykoum,
I am a Muslim woman, 26 years old, married for one year. Since our marriage, we have never had a stable marital home. My husband still lives with his parents in Belgium, while I live in France in my own apartment, where I also financially support my parents who have no income. As a result, we only live together occasionally, mainly when my parents are away, and our marriage is lived mostly at a distance.
Financially, I continue to fully support myself and my parents. I cover my daily expenses, medical needs (I have a chronic illness), transportation, and housing. My husband has partially paid my mahr, but it was only after repeated discussions that we realized an amount was still missing. Although he claims financial difficulty, he was able to pay for travel and some gifts, while I often limit my own needs and even fast to reduce expenses. I do not feel financially maintained (nafaqa), despite being married.
My husband often justifies his inability to provide by saying he is saving for our future and for relocating, yet deadlines he set (such as moving by March) have not been respected. He has recently accepted a new contract in Belgium, which makes relocation even more uncertain.
In addition, he frequently uses religious arguments to demand obedience from me, giving me orders and framing disagreement as disobedience to Islam, while I feel that my basic marital rights (housing, financial maintenance, emotional security) are not fulfilled. He also pressures me regarding religious practices (such as hijab) in a manner I find harsh and without proper scholarly understanding, while being absent in areas where responsibility and protection are required.
My question is: from an Islamic jurisprudential perspective, what are my rights and obligations in this situation, and what are my husband’s obligations toward me, particularly regarding housing, financial maintenance, authority, and obedience, given that we do not have a marital home and I am financially sustaining myself?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Allah ﷻ says: “And from His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquillity in them and He placed between you both love and mercy; Indeed in that are signs for a people who reflect.” Surah Ar-Rūm (30:21) [1]
It is the right of the wife that she receive her dowry and that the husband provides for her maintenance (food, clothing and finances (including a stipend)), accommodation, safety and protection (both physically and emotionally), and that she is treated in a kind and just manner. The right of the husband is that his wife guards his home and personal assets in his absence, shows obedience in matters that Allah ﷻ has commanded, guards her chastity, and that she treats him in a good and just manner. It is the right of both spouses to make themselves available for intercourse with the other. Aside from these stipulated rights, any other tasks should be discussed and distributed in a fair and amicable manner between the spouses.[2]
The duty and responsibility of providing accommodation and maintenance rests solely on the husband. He cannot demand or expect his wife to work for her own living expenses or to house herself, but rather they should be living within his means. If a husband falls short in his ability to provide for his family and is in need of finances, he can request a loan from his wife or elsewhere, or if his wife wishes she can gift him from her wealth, but she should in no way be pressured or forced to give up her private wealth or belongings. If a wife decides to assist in the matter of household finances, a husband should show appreciation for the help his wife is offering him and under no circumstances should he feel entitled to this assistance.[3]
It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas ﵁ that the Prophet ﷺ said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” [4]
In Islam, marriage is a sunnah which has been legislated for the purpose of both spouses protecting each other from immorality (zina) and attaining good deeds. Whilst it is compulsory (fardh) for a man to seek marriage when fears he will commit an immorality, it is in fact forbidden (haram) for him to pursue it if he is certain it will cause his wife injustice, and makhruh tahrimah if he fears this will likely be the case. This is because by causing a wife injustice, they are not only harming another human being, but also destroying the benefits the marriage was supposed to bring. The Prophet ﷺ has told us explicitly that when a man is unable to fulfil his marital duties, particularly those of finances, but still desires marriage, he is told to instead guard his chastity through fasting.[5]
The Prophet ﷺ has said: “There is no obedience to any human being if it involves disobedience to Allah ﷻ.” (Ahmad) [6]
The Prophet ﷺ never threatened or distressed any of his wives, and he always treated them with dignity, kindness and respect. It is not correct for an individual to demand obedience and the fulfillment of their rights whilst failing to obey Allah ﷻ in delivering the rights of others. The “obedience” of a wife is only as much as what Allah ﷻ has commanded a woman to do regarding her marital duties (i.e. that she is available for him). Therefore, it should not result in the disobedience of Allah ﷻ or the suppression of her rights and well-being, as this only results in oppression and further harm. Also, if a wife has not received her full mahr when it is due she is not required to obey her husband, such as remaining in his accommodation or travelling with him, until this debt has been cleared. In addition, to put the notion of obedience in perspective one need only look at the reaction of ‘Umar ﵁, where he was petitioned by a father to discipline his son, who he claimed was disobedient. However, the father was instead berated by ‘Umar ﵁ for not fulfilling the child’s rights first.[7]
“Indeed, Allāh orders justice and good conduct and giving [help] to relatives and forbids immorality and bad conduct and oppression. He admonishes you that perhaps you will be reminded.” Surah an-Nahl (16:90) [8]
It is unclear what agreements have been made between yourself and your husband regarding your marital life, but one should keep in mind that any conditions which go against an individual’s rights and the concept of marriage are void and do not need to be fulfilled. If you are having difficulty resolving issues of your rights with your husband, I would advise that you both speak with a qualified Muslim councillor or Shari’ah council regarding the details of your situation and see if they can help with your situation.[9]
Only Allah ﷻ knows best.
Written by Muftiyah Maryam Badshah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
References:
[1]
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
Qur’an (30:21)
[2]
أَقَلُّ الْمَهْرِ عَشَرَةُ دَرَاهِمَ مَضْرُوبَةً أَوْ غَيْرَ مَضْرُوبَةٍ حَتَّى يَجُوزَ وَزْنُ عَشَرَةٍ تِبْرًا، وَإِنْ كَانَتْ قِيمَتُهُ أَقَلَّ، كَذَا فِي التَّبْيِينِ وَغَيْرُ الدَّرَاهِمِ يَقُومُ مَقَامَهَا بِاعْتِبَارِ الْقِيمَةِ وَقْتَ الْعَقْدِ
Al-Fatāwa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.302, Dār Al-Fiqr)
تَجِبُ عَلَى الرَّجُلِ نَفَقَةُ امْرَأَتِهِ…
Al-Fatāwa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.544, Dār Al-Fiqr)
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهًا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّا أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا
Qur’an (4:19)
الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَاءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ وَبِمَا أَنفَقُوا مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ ۚ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ…
Qur’an (4:34)
…وَمَا يَشْتَمِلُ عَلَيْهِ مِنْ الْقِيَامِ بِمَصَالِحِهِ، وَإِعْفَافِ النَّفْسِ عَنْ الْحَرَامِ وَتَرْبِيَةِ الْوَلَدِ وَنَحْوِ ذَلِكَ…
… لِأَنَّ مِنْ أَحْكَامِ النِّكَاحِ حِلِّ اسْتِمْتَاعِ كُلٍّ مِنْهُمَا بِالْآخَرِ…
Raddul Muhtar (Vol.3, pg.3-4, Dār Al-Fiqr)
[3]
قَالَ فِي الْبَحْرِ: وَاتَّفَقُوا عَلَى وُجُوبِ نَفَقَةِ الْمُوسِرِينَ إذَا كَانَا مُوسِرَيْنِ، وَعَلَى نَفَقَةِ الْمُعْسِرِينَ إذَا كَانَا مُعْسِرَيْنِ، وَإِنَّمَا الِاخْتِلَافُ فِيمَا إذَا كَانَ أَحَدُهُمَا مُوسِرًا وَالْآخَرُ مُعْسِرًا، فَعَلَى ظَاهِرِ الرِّوَايَةِ الِاعْتِبَارُ لِحَالِ الرَّجُلِ، فَإِنْ كَانَ مُوسِرًا وَهِيَ مُعْسِرَةٌ فَعَلَيْهِ نَفَقَةُ الْمُوسِرِينَ، وَفِي عَكْسِهِ نَفَقَةُ الْمُعْسِرِينَ. وَأَمَّا عَلَى الْمُفْتَى بِهِ فَتَجِبُ نَفَقَةُ الْوَسَطِ فِي الْمَسْأَلَتَيْنِ وَهُوَ فَوْقَ نَفَقَةِ الْمُعْسِرَةِ وَدُونَ نَفَقَةِ الْمُوسِرَةِ
Raddul Muhtār (Vol.3, pg.574-5, Dār Al-Fiqr)
قَوْلُهُ بِقَدْرِ حَالِهِمَا) أَيْ فِي الْيَسَارِ وَالْإِعْسَارِ، فَلَيْسَ مَسْكَنُ الْأَغْنِيَاءِ كَمَسْكَنِ الْفُقَرَاءِ كَمَا فِي الْبَحْرِ؛ لَكِنْ إذَا كَانَ أَحَدُهُمَا غَنِيًّا وَالْآخَرُ فَقِيرًا؛ فَقَدْ مَرَّ أَنَّهُ يَجِبُ لَهَا فِي الطَّعَامِ وَالْكُسْوَةِ الْوَسَطُ، وَيُخَاطَبُ بِقَدْرِ وُسْعِهِ وَالْبَاقِي دَيْنٌ عَلَيْهِ إلَى الْمَيْسَرَةِ…
Raddul Muhtār (Vol.3, pg.600, Dār Al-Fiqr)
… وَالنَّفَقَةُ الْوَاجِبَةُ الْمَأْكُولُ وَالْمَلْبُوسُ وَالسُّكْنَى… وَيَجِبُ لَهَا مَا تُنَظِّفُ بِهِ وَتُزِيلُ الْوَسَخَ… وَعَلَيْهِ مِنْ الْمَاءِ مَا تَغْسِلُ بِهِ ثِيَابَهَا وَبَدَنَهَا مِنْ الْوَسَخِ… ثَمَنُ مَاءِ الِاغْتِسَالِ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ، وَكَذَا مَاءُ وُضُوئِهَا عَلَيْهِ غَنِيَّةً كَانَتْ أَوْ فَقِيرَةً…
Al-Fatāwa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.548-9, Dār Al-Fiqr)
[4]
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بِشْرٍ، بَكْرُ بْنُ خَلَفٍ وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ يَحْيَى بْنِ ثَوْبَانَ، عَنْ عَمِّهِ، عُمَارَةَ بْنِ ثَوْبَانَ عَنْ عَطَاءٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ قَالَ “ خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي ”
Sunan Ibn Majah 1977 (Vol. 3, pg.185, Kitab Bhavan)
[5]
وَأَمَّا صِفَتُهُ) فَهُوَ أَنَّهُ فِي حَالَةِ الِاعْتِدَالِ سُنَّةٌ مُؤَكَّدَةٌ، وَحَالَةِ التَّوَقَانِ وَاجِبٌ وَحَالَةِ خَوْفِ الْجَوْرِ مَكْرُوهٌ
Al-Fatāwa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.267, Dār Al-Fiqr)
(قَوْلُهُ: وَمَكْرُوهًا) أَيْ تَحْرِيمًا بَحْرٌ (قَوْلُهُ: فَإِنْ تَيَقَّنَهُ) أَيْ تَيَقَّنَ الْجَوْرَ حَرُمَ؛ لِأَنَّ النِّكَاحَ إنَّمَا شُرِعَ لِمَصْلَحَةِ تَحْصِينِ النَّفْسِ، وَتَحْصِيلِ الثَّوَابِ، وَبِالْجَوْرِ يَأْثَمُ وَيَرْتَكِبُ الْمُحَرَّمَاتِ فَتَنْعَدِمُ الْمَصَالِحُ لِرُجْحَانِ هَذِهِ الْمَفَاسِدِ بَحْرٌ وَتَرَكَ الشَّارِحُ قِسْمًا سَادِسًا ذَكَرَهُ فِي الْبَحْرِ عَنْ الْمُجْتَبَى وَهُوَ الْإِبَاحَةُ إنْ خَافَ الْعَجْزَ عَنْ الْإِيفَاءِ بِمُوجَبِهِ. اهـ. أَيْ خَوْفًا غَيْرَ رَاجِحٍ، وَإِلَّا كَانَ مَكْرُوهًا تَحْرِيمًا
Raddul Muhtar (Vol.3, pg.7, Dār Al-Fiqr)
حَدَّثَنَا عُمَرُ بْنُ حَفْصِ بْنِ غِيَاثٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبِي، حَدَّثَنَا الأَعْمَشُ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي عُمَارَةُ، عَنْ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنِ يَزِيدَ، قَالَ دَخَلْتُ مَعَ عَلْقَمَةَ وَالأَسْوَدِ عَلَى عَبْدِ اللَّهِ فَقَالَ عَبْدُ اللَّهِ كُنَّا مَعَ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم شَبَابًا لاَ نَجِدُ شَيْئًا فَقَالَ لَنَا رَسُولُ اللَّهُ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَابِ مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ الْبَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّجْ، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْجِ، وَمَنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصَّوْمِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ ”.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5066 (Bk.67, ch.3, sunnah.com)
[6]
حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ، حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ زُبَيْدٍ، عَنْ سَعْدِ بْنِ عُبَيْدَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ، عَنْ عَلِيٍّ، رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ لَا طَاعَةَ لِبَشَرٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ اللَّهِ.
Musnad Ahmad 1065 (Bk.5, sunnah.com)
[7]
لِأَنَّ الْمَرْأَةَ لَا يَجِبُ عَلَيْهَا طَاعَةُ الزَّوْجِ فِي كُلِّ مَا يَأْمُرُ بِهِ إنَّمَا ذَلِكَ فِيمَا يَرْجِعُ إلَى النِّكَاحِ وَتَوَابِعِهِ خُصُوصًا إذَا كَانَ فِي أَمْرِهِ إضْرَارٌ بِهَا…
Al-Bahr Al-Rāiq (Vol.5, pg.77, Dār Al-Kitab Al-Islami)
… وَلَوْ دَخَلَ الزَّوْجُ بِهَا أَوْ خَلَا بِهَا بِرِضَاهَا فَلَهَا أَنْ تَمْنَعَ نَفْسَهَا عَنْ السَّفَرِ بِهَا حَتَّى تَسْتَوْفِيَ جَمِيعَ الْمَهْرِ عَلَى جَوَابِ الْكِتَابِ وَالْمُعَجَّلُ فِي عُرْفِ دِيَارِنَا…
وَإِذَا أَوْفَاهَا مَهْرَهَا نَقَلَهَا إلَى حَيْثُ شَاءَ…
زَوَّجَ ابْنَتَهُ الْبِكْرَ الْبَالِغَةَ فَأَرَادَ أَبُوهَا التَّحَوُّلَ إلَى بَلَدٍ آخَرَ بِعِيَالِهِ فَلَهُ أَنْ يَحْمِلَهَا مَعَهُ، وَإِنْ كَرِهَ الزَّوْجُ ذَلِكَ إذَا لَمْ يَكُنْ أَعْطَاهَا الْمَهْرَ، وَإِنْ كَانَ قَدْ أَعْطَاهَا الْمَهْرَ؛ فَلَيْسَ لَهُ ذَلِكَ إلَّا بِرِضَا الزَّوْجِ، كَذَا فِي الْمُحِيطِ. فَإِنْ أَعْطَاهَا الْمَهْرَ إلَّا دِرْهَمًا وَاحِدًا فَلَهَا أَنْ تَمْنَعَهُ عَنْ نَفْسِهَا وَلَيْسَ لَهُ اسْتِرْجَاعُ مَا قَبَضَتْ…
Al-Fatāwa al-Hindiyyah (Vol.1, pg.317, Dār Al-Fiqr)
وَرُوِيَ عَنْ عُمَرَ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ , أَنَّ رَجُلًا جَاءَ إِلَيْهِ بِابْنِهِ فَقَالَ: إِنَّ ابْنِي هَذَا يَعُقُّنِي…
…فَالْتَفَتَ عُمَرُ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى عَنْهُ إِلَى الْأَبِ وَقَالَ: تَقُولُ ابْنِي يَعُقُّنِي! فَقَدْ عَقَقْتَهُ قَبْلَ أَنْ يَعُقَّكَ
Tanbeeh al-Ghafileen 152 (pg.130, Dar Ibn Kathir)
[8]
إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَيَنْهَىٰ عَنِ الْفَحْشَاءِ وَالْمُنكَرِ وَالْبَغْيِ ۚ يَعِظُكُمْ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ
Qur’an (16:90)
[9]
لِأَنَّ النِّكَاحَ مَا شُرِعَ إلَّا مُثْمِرًا ثَمَرَاتٍ فِي الْمِلْكِ بَيْنَ الْمُتَنَاكِحَيْنِ، مِنْهَا: مَا تَخْتَصُّ هِيَ بِمِلْكِهِ كَالنَّفَقَةِ وَالسُّكْنَى وَالْقَسْمِ وَالْمَنْعِ مِنْ الْعَزْلِ إلَّا بِإِذْنِ، وَمِنْهَا: مَا يَخْتَصُّ هُوَ بِمِلْكِهِ كَوُجُوبِ التَّمْكِينِ، وَالْقَرَارِ فِي الْمَنْزِلِ وَالتَّحَصُّنِ عَنْ غَيْرِهِ، وَمِنْهَا: مَا يَكُونُ الْمِلْكُ فِي كُلٍّ مِنْهَا مُشْتَرَكًا كَالِاسْتِمْتَاعِ مُجَامَعَةً، وَمُبَاشَرَةً وَالْوَلَدُ فِي حَقِّ الْإِضَافَةِ…
Raddul Muhtār (Vol.3, pg.44, Dār Al-Fiqr)
… وَلَكِنْ لَا يَبْطُلُ) النِّكَاحُ (بِالشَّرْطِ الْفَاسِدِ وَ) إنَّمَا (يَبْطُلُ الشَّرْطُ دُونَهُ) يَعْنِي لَوْ عَقَدَ مَعَ شَرْطٍ فَاسِدٍ لَمْ يَبْطُلْ النِّكَاحُ بَلْ الشَّرْطُ…
Raddul Muhtār (Vol.3, pg.53, Dār Al-Fiqr)