Father choosing his nephew over a religious person for his daughter
In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.
Answer
Marriage is a Sunnah of the Prophet of Allah (SAW) and a form of worship.
The Prophet of Allah (SAW) has said:
“Nikah (marriage) is my Sunnah.” (Sunan-Tirmizi)
In another Hadith the Prophet of Allah (SAW) has said:
“In the fulfilling of your sexual desires there is a sadaqah. The Sahabah (RA) asked, “If one of us fulfils his desires will he have a reward in it?” The Prophet of Allah (SAW) replied, “Tell me if he were to fulfil his desires in a haram way would he be sinful? So accordingly when he fulfils his desires in a halal way there is reward for him.” (Sahih Muslim)
Allah (SWA) has described marriage through the following words:
“They are libas (concealment) for you and you are libas for them.” (Surah Baqarah V 187)
Allah (SWA) used the following words to describe marriage as the same as wearing ones clothes to protect one from the cold and heat; similarly marriage is a means of safeguarding oneself from sins. Also marriage provides peace and tranquillity to the heart and there is a physical bond between the husband and wife the same way ones clothes is closely attached to a person. (Tafsir-Qurtubi P209 v2)
From this we can understand that marriage not only is a means of fulfilling ones carnal desires but also is a form of worship.
For a person to achieve peace and tranquillity from marriage it is very important one finds the right partner.
The criteria laid down by Islam for selecting a partner can be deduced through the following Hadith:
“A lady is married for one of four reasons, wealth, rank, beauty or piety. Choose the possessor of piety and achieve success.” (Sahih Bukhari 762 v2)
In another Hadith the Prophet of Allah (SAW) has said:
“Do not marry women on account of their beauty, for it is possible that this very beauty may become the cause of her destruction. Neither marry women because of their wealth for it is possible this may be a cause for her rebellion and mischief. Rather marry women because of their piety. A lowly slave girl graced with piety and noble character is infinitely superior to a beautiful high class women of poor character.” (Sunan Ibn Majah P133)
We can understand from the aforementioned Hadith that piety determines a person’s real rank and status. It does not mean that one should avoid beauty, wealth and status when viewing a prospective bride/groom. These qualities should also be considered but it should not be the main qualities of a future spouse.
Along with piety other factors such as ones aqa’id (beliefs), ones punctuality in worship and social conduct should be taken into consideration.
Wealth
In regards to your question the meaning of the Hadith is that one should not choose a wife on the sole basis of her wealth because wealth is such a thing which can be here today and gone tomorrow. Sometimes marrying someone from a wealthy background might mean her requirements might be expensive creating problems for the husband if he is from a humble background.
Family Rank
Compatibility is a very important factor, which needs to be considered when looking for a spouse. He or she should have the same interests, aims and objectives as you in life. When this is found there should be no reason to delay or abstain from marrying.
The Prophet of Allah (saw) said:
“When you find a suitable partner for a widow, then conduct the marriage without any delay.” (Sunan Tirmizi P206 v1)
Beauty
Beauty whilst being an important factor in choosing a partner should not be the underlying reason for choosing someone. Beauty is a factor, which is external and after a few years fades away. Such marriages where the love is based on beauty will also fade away as well.
Finally the conclusion we can fairly deduce from the Hadith is that factors such as beauty, family rank or wealth are important features and should not be considered when deciding a future spouse to marry. However they should not be the vital factors in determining the spouse. Piety (taqwa) should be the most important feature and having a pious, good mannered, caring spouse is the key to a successful marriage as it has been underlined by the Prophet of Allah (SAW) himself in the Hadith. (Sahih Bukhari P762 v2)
With regards to question, your father should look to find someone religious and pious for his daughters. To choose his nephew for his daughter due to family pressure is something not correct and is against the teachings of Islam.
Only Allah Knows Best
Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham.
