Fatwa ID: 07026
Answered by: Alimah Jannatun Nessa
Question:
My question is regarding an issue me and my husband were discussing and unable to reach a healthy conclusion. My husband sent money to his parents in Pakistan MashaAllah.
The only problem is that we are hardly meeting the ends these days we are returning money we lent during his education in instalments and there are many things that are still pending like my son’s circumcision and his visa and passport for Pakistan.
On the other hand, his parents are doing well MashaAllah.
He is a doctor in Pakistan and runs his own clinic it’s just that they are little short of money because of my husband’s younger brother education fees (situation is manageable) .
My question is that is it necessary that he should give priority to parents over the immediate family in such situation?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
وَقَضٰی رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعْبُدُوْۤا اِلَّاۤ اِیَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَیْنِ اِحْسَانًا ؕ اِمَّا یَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَاۤ اَوْ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَاۤ اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِیْمًا ۟
And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. [Surah 17, verse 23].
Filial piety in Islam is a fundamental virtue. The standard when it comes to how one treats their parents is showing utmost respect and consideration for them to the point that a person cannot even sigh at them disrespectfully.
Likewise, it is mentioned in the hadith narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Surely! Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Sahih al-Bukhari, 7138]
A man’s care for his parents should not cause him to neglect his duties towards his wife and children because they are both just as important as each other. It is important for your husband to strike a balance between the two and find a harmonious way to fulfil his obligations towards both his parents and his own family, so that none are neglected or disadvantaged. If your husband is not willing to do so, you can try and communicate this concern to his parents and find a solution that works for everyone involved.
[Sahih al-Bukhari, 7138]
حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، حَدَّثَنِي مَالِكٌ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ دِينَارٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ أَلاَ كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ، وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، فَالإِمَامُ الَّذِي عَلَى النَّاسِ رَاعٍ وَهْوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ وَهْوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَوَلَدِهِ وَهِيَ مَسْئُولَةٌ عَنْهُمْ، وَعَبْدُ الرَّجُلِ رَاعٍ عَلَى مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ وَهْوَ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْهُ، أَلاَ فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ ”.
Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar: Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said, “Surely! Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by Alimah Jannatun Nessa
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
