Fatwa ID: 07257

 

Answered by: Maulana Muhammad Altaf Hossen

 

Question:

 

I live in Hong Kong. My family is part of the Hong Kong Bangladeshi society. In this society, all the boys, other than me, pretend to be good boys in front of the elders, but do indecent, impolite, and haram things in private. My sisters and I know these things very well. But my dad thinks that they are really good boys because they pretend to be good boys in front of him and other elderly. Ever since I was young, my father has been very strict on my freedoms and who I befriend, because he does not want me to hold on to Bangladeshi culture and Islam religion. I accepted most of them because I was religious-minded since a young age. Since young, my father forced me to befriend the boys of the Hong Kong Bangladeshi society. And constantly, I was bullied by them. I told my father about this, but he did not believe me. Rather he says that Satan has caught my mind, that’s why I don’t want to befriend good boys. Even now, these boys are pretending to be good boys in front of elderly, but doing bad things and haram things in private. And my dad is very forceful on me to befriend them. But every time I go to them, they bully to me. Now, he has said that I am not allowed to befriend anyone in Hong Kong who is not a Bangladeshi; he thinks that Hong Kong Bangladeshi boys are good boys even when they do bad things and haram things in private. I try to befriend the Hong Kong Bangladeshis, but they always end up bullying me. And when I can’t befriend them, my father blames me for it, and scolds me. I told my father many times that its not that I don’t want to befriend them because I can’t befriend them, and they bully me when I go to them. But because those boys pretend to be good boys in front of the elderly such as my father, he does not believe me and instead scolds me and blames me for not befriending the boys boys who he believes are ‘good boys’.

 

What should I do in this situation? How should I obey my father in this situation?

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

It seems like a difficult situation between you and your father’s experiences and your well-being. In Islam, obeying parents is highly emphasised, but it’s also important to remember that obedience should not extend to actions that are harmful or against Islamic teachings.

 

Firstly, it is important to try to communicate openly and respectfully with your father about your concerns. Explain to him calmly and clearly how you feel when you’re forced to befriend these boys and how they treat you. Share your perspective honestly, emphasising your desire to obey him but also highlighting the challenges you face.

 

Mainly, you should maintain a good relationship, you should not disrespect your father. Because disobeying parents is haram. (1) ( 2)

 

 

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Maulana Muhammad Altaf Hossen.

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

References

 

Sura Al-Ahqaf -15

١٥  وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا ۖ وَحَمْلُهُ وَفِصَالُهُ ثَلَاثُونَ شَهْرًا ۚ حَتَّىٰ إِذَا بَلَغَ أَشُدَّهُ وَبَلَغَ أَرْبَعِينَ سَنَةً قَالَ رَبِّ أَوْزِعْنِي أَنْ أَشْكُرَ نِعْمَتَكَ الَّتِي أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيَّ وَعَلَىٰ وَالِدَيَّ وَأَنْ أَعْمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرْضَاهُ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي فِي ذُرِّيَّتِي ۖ إِنِّي تُبْتُ إِلَيْكَ وَإِنِّي مِنَ الْمُسْلِمِينَ

 

We have enjoined upon man kindness to his parents. His mother carried him with difficulty and delivered him with difficulty. His bearing and weaning take thirty months. Until, when he has attained his maturity and has reached forty years, he says, “Lord, enable me to appreciate the blessings You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to act with righteousness, pleasing You. And improve my children for me. I have sincerely repented to You, and I am of those who have surrendered.”

 

Sura Luqman-14-15

 

١٤  وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ

14  We have entrusted the human being with the care of his parents. His mother carried him through hardship upon hardship, weaning him in two years. So give thanks to Me, and to your parents. To Me is the destination.

 

١٥  وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَىٰ أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا ۖ وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا ۖ وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ۚ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

15  But if they strive to have you associate with Me something of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them. But keep them company in this life, in kindness, and follow the path of him who turns to Me. Then to Me is your return; and I will inform you of what you used to do.

 

2

.”

حَدَّثَنِي سُلَيْمَانُ، حَدَّثَنَا شُعْبَةُ، عَنِ الْوَلِيدِ،‏.‏ وَحَدَّثَنِي عَبَّادُ بْنُ يَعْقُوبَ الأَسَدِيُّ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبَّادُ بْنُ الْعَوَّامِ، عَنِ الشَّيْبَانِيِّ، عَنِ الْوَلِيدِ بْنِ الْعَيْزَارِ، عَنْ أَبِي عَمْرٍو الشَّيْبَانِيِّ، عَنِ ابْنِ مَسْعُودٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ أَنَّ رَجُلاً، سَأَلَ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم أَىُّ الأَعْمَالِ أَفْضَلُ قَالَ ‏ “‏ الصَّلاَةُ لِوَقْتِهَا، وَبِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ، ثُمَّ الْجِهَادُ فِي سَبِيلِ اللَّهِ ‏”‏‏.‏

. Narrated Ibn Mas`ud:

A man asked the Prophet (ﷺ) “What deeds are the best?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “(1) To perform the (daily compulsory) prayers at their (early) stated fixed times, (2) to be good and dutiful to one’s own parents, (3) and to participate in Jihad in Allah’s Cause .Sahih Bukhari -7534  www. Sunnah.com PDF