Fatwa ID: 07307

 

 

Answered by: Alimah Saniyah bint Asrar

 

Question:

 

My question is regarding divorce. The details of the question are below.

 

I have been married for the past 16 years (2008). I have 3 children aged 11, 9 & 6. I am 40 years old & I converted to Islam from Christianity back in 2007 & I am from Pakistan.

 

We have already had 2 divorces. The question is regarding the 3rd divorce.

 

I have been diagnosed with clinical ADHD & have been put on medication which I stopped taking due to my financial condition as the medication is expensive. The affect of this illness is that I lack a lot of executive skills & I do not remember things. In addition to this I am also diagnosed with NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder). The cure for this is therapy however due my financial conditions I have not been able to take this too.

 

My parents passed away when I was 10 years old & I have been raised by my elder brother who is 6 years older than me. Due to my medical conditions & childhood issues I was not able to fulfil my duties as a husband due to which differences / fights arose between myself & my wife.

 

The scenario of the 3rd divorce is as follows:

 

My wife had moved to Canada due to the abuse at home & to secure a future for our children. She secured admission (on full tuition funded) graduate program and moved to Canada back in August 2023. Myself & the children were back in Pakistan hoping that we will also go to Canada as it will be easier to get a visa since the Kids mother was there. However unfortunately the visa got refused.

 

Before moving to Canada a similar fight had happened in which my wife had asked me to leave the house etc. I have an online Job in which I provide consultancy to a Mobile company in the Caribbean. Since my Job is online & I could not miss my job because already due to arguments at home etc I missed my job multiple times & because of that I was on my last warning. I asked my wife that I cannot miss my job as then I would have no earning and I am already in debt. However, because of this threat and the fear of financial crisis for myself & the family I said fine & issued her divorce on a voice note. On this I got a fatwa from Egypt Darul ifta that the divorce is not done & I just need to pay the fine.

 

While my wife was in Canada me and my wife used to have regular phone calls. As I was trying to manage 2 houses (1 in Pakistan & 1 in Canada) my financial conditions depleted more rapidly and the arguments + my abuse to her grew too. The reasons were not only finances but also other things beyond finances, things that are related to my behaviour due to ADHD & NPD. However, due to the financial pressure my behavioural issues grew more and more. The separation from Kids + the constant abuse from my side depleted my wife’s mental and physical health drastically.

 

However back in January 2024 a similar fight happened in which my wife said that I want a divorce & that she cannot deal with me anymore. In order to avoid future stresses, I not realising and not in the correct mental state (not anger) but forgetfulness that I have already gotten a fatwa before (the one I mentioned above) thinking that its the same situation (and hence divorce won’t happen), I issued her 3 divorces in a Voice Note. However, I was not in the correct state of mind & had completely forgotten what the previous incident was. Forgetfulness is something I am really struggling with both in my personal & work life.

 

Later when I realised what had happened, I was in denial.

 

I approached the same Mufti who had given me previous fatwa (from Egypt), but he said that for a ruling I need to travel to Egypt. I would have gone but my financial situation does not allow me travel at all.

 

Me and my wife do not know what to do since the children are too young & I know what a compromised childhood can do to children. I am also committed that I would get my treatment done through therapies & medication and ensure that I can fulfil my God given responsibilities.

 

Kindly if you could let me know if the divorce has been done or not.

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

 

Answer:

 

In your question, it seems very clear that you gave talaq four times in obvious terms. Therefore, the divorce would have gone through unfortunately even if that wasn’t your intention.

 

Given then you gave your four talaqs clearly, your marriage is permanently broken, meaning you can’t take your wife back even if you wanted to. You can’t remarry each other again unless she gets married to someone else and then gets divorced there too.

 

 

بدائع الصنائع في ترتيب الشرائع ٣/‏١٠٦

وَلَا خِلَافَ أَنَّهُ لَا يَقَعُ الطَّلَاقُ بِشَيْءٍ مِنْ أَلْفَاظِ الْكِنَايَةِ إلَّا بِالنِّيَّةِ فَإِنْ كَانَ قَدْ نَوَى الطَّلَاقَ يَقَعُ فِيمَا بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى، وَإِنْ كَانَ لَمْ يَنْوِ لَا يَقَعُ فِيمَا بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى، وَإِنْ ذَكَرَ شَيْئًا مِنْ ذَلِكَ ثُمَّ قَالَ: مَا أَرَدْتُ بِهِ الطَّلَاقَ يُدَيَّنُ فِيمَا بَيْنَهُ وَبَيْنَ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى؛ لِأَنَّ اللَّهَ تَعَالَى يَعْلَمُ سِرَّهُ وَنَجَوَاهُ

 

مجمع الأنهر في شرح ملتقى الأبحر ١/‏٤٠٢

(وَلَا يَقَعُ بِهَا) أَيْ وَلِهَذَا لَا يَقَعُ الطَّلَاقُ بِالْكِنَايَاتِ قَضَاءً (إلَّا بِنِيَّةٍ) أَيْ بِنِيَّةِ الزَّوْجِ، أَوْ الطَّلَاقِ مُضَافًا إلَى الْفَاعِلِ، أَوْ الْمَفْعُولِ (أَوْ دَلَالَةِ حَالٍ) ؛ لِأَنَّهَا غَيْرُ مَوْضُوعَةٍ لِلطَّلَاقِ بَلْ مَوْضُوعَةٌ لِمَا هُوَ أَعَمُّ مِنْهُ وَالْمُرَادُ بِدَلَالَةِ الْحَالِ الْحَالَةُ الظَّاهِرَةُ الْمُفِيدَةُ لِمَقْصُودِهِ وَفِيهِ إشَارَةٌ إلَى أَنَّ الْكِنَايَاتِ غَيْرُ مُؤَثِّرَةٍ بِدُونِ النِّيَّةِ وَدَلَالَةِ الْحَال

 

 

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Alimah Saniyah bint Asrar

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham