Fatwa ID: 07511
Answered by: Maulana Yusuf Badshah
Question:
I am writing regarding a pertinent but unfortunate situation.
Myself and a girl are wanting to get married, she has accepted my proposal and all the conditions that may come with it.
However, her family is refusing this due to a non-shariah reason and hence this is now becoming a barrier to our marriage.
This of course goes against the teaching of our Prophet (SAW): “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.”
They have not provided any reason that shows my character or religious commitment is not suitable, and they present only illogical and unreasonable reasons for their refusal. This is now causing a great deal of harm and stress to the girl.
As the guardians (father, brothers) are now obstacles for us in this, the fatawa and opinions of previous scholars have stated that in this situation it is permissible to request a qadi in a sharia court or similar to act as a wali on behalf of the girl to allow us to proceed with this marriage, and save us from any potential sin and wrongdoing.
My question is, is this something that you are able to provide us with to proceed with our marriage?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
First note that regardless of what Islam says regarding accepting those with good character, nowhere in the Shari’ah does it stipulate that the family is obligated to inform the prospective groom as to which aspect of his character they find lacking. Should they choose to keep this to themselves and cite lesser reasons for rejecting your proposal then it is fully within their right to do so, and the moral justification you have put forward would no longer apply.
Rather, it is illogical to claim they do not have grounds for rejecting your character when your attempt to marry their daughter behind their back without their knowledge or consent would itself give them valid grounds to reject your character.
Furthermore, you have claimed that they presented only illogical arguments, yet you were unwilling to present them here for further scrutiny. Only upon examination can we determine whether this is actually the case.
Nevertheless, Islam does not dictate that one can only reject on the grounds of character. Rather, the scholars have listed a number of valid reasons on the basis of which a Wali may reject a proposal, including but not limited to: their Islamic background [1], lineage [2], religiosity [3], Islamic education, occupation [4], income [5], and whether or not a sufficient dowry has been offered [6]. Were a Qadi to be available in this country then even if you did marry her, her family would be able to seek the nullification of your Nikah on the basis of any one of these [7].
As for the question of obtaining a Qadi, know that in the Hanafi Madhab, provided none of the above objections apply [8], a woman is not legally required to have a Wali perform the Nikah [9], although having one is encouraged [10]. Thus, the only requirements are two Muslim witnesses [11] which your local Masjid should be able to facilitate, an offer of dowry (minimum value 30.6g of silver [12], approx. £24 at the time of writing) from you to her [13], your proposal and her acceptance [14].
However, the intention of this ruling is not for one to use this to marry someone behind their parent’s backs. It does not permit you to lie or deceive her parents. It does not permit you to seclude yourself with the prospective bride even for a moment before the Nikah is complete [15]. And it does not permit her to disobey her parent’s commands, cut ties, damage relations with them or cause them emotional harm, all of which you would be held equally responsible for [16].
Rather, your first call in getting a third party involved should be to help mediate the process and facilitate their acceptance, whether that is a local Imam, family members or friends [17]. Should they still reject your proposal after your best efforts, then the most gracious thing to do would be to move on [18].
As an additional note although it is unrelated to this particular matter, living in a non-Muslim country we do not have an official position equivalent to a Qadi. Should a person come to need one, they should look to their local Sharia council or Masjid to see if there are those capable of discharging the duties of a Qadi.
Only Allah s.w.t knows best.
Written by Maulana Yusuf Badshah
Checked and approved my Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
References:
[1] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 87, Darul Fikr:
(وَ) أَمَّا فِي الْعَجَمِ فَتُعْتَبَرُ (حُرِّيَّةً وَإِسْلَامًا) فَمُسْلِمٌ بِنَفْسِهِ أَوْ مُعْتَقٌ غَيْرُ كُفْءٍ لِمَنْ أَبُوهَا مُسْلِمٌ أَوْ حُرٌّ أَوْ مُعْتَقٌ وَأُمُّهَا حَرَّةُ الْأَصْلِ وَمَنْ أَبُوهُ مُسْلِمٌ أَوْ حُرٌّ غَيْرُ كُفْءٍ لِذَاتِ أَبَوَيْنِ
[2] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 86, Darul Fikr:
(وَتُعْتَبَرُ) الْكَفَاءَةُ لِلُزُومِ النِّكَاحِ خِلَافًا لِمَالِكٍ (نَسَبًا)
[3] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 88-90, Darul Fikr:
(وَ) تُعْتَبَرُ فِي الْعَرَبِ وَالْعَجَمِ (دِيَانَةً) أَيْ تَقْوَى فَلَيْسَ فَاسِقٌ كُفُؤًا لِصَالِحَةٍ أَوْ فَاسِقَةٍ بِنْتِ صَالِحٍ مُعْلَنًا كَانَ أَوْ لَا عَلَى الظَّاهِرِ نَهْرٌ
[4] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 90, Darul Fikr:
(وَحِرْفَةً) فَمِثْلُ حَائِكٍ غَيْرُ كُفْءٍ لِمِثْلِ خَيَّاطٍ وَلَا خَيَّاطٍ لِبَزَّازٍ وَتَاجِرٍ وَلَا هُمَا لِعَالِمٍ وَقَاضٍ
[5] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 90, Darul Fikr:
(وَمَالًا) بِأَنْ يَقْدِرَ عَلَى الْمُعَجَّلِ وَنَفَقَةِ شَهْرٍ لَوْ غَيْرَ مُحْتَرِفٍ، وَإِلَّا فَإِنْ كَانَ يَكْتَسِبُ كُلَّ يَوْمٍ كِفَايَتَهَا لَوْ تُطِيقُ الْجِمَاعَ
[6] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 94, Darul Fikr:
(وَلَوْ نُكِحَتْ بِأَقَلَّ مِنْ مَهْرِهَا فَلِلْوَلِيِّ) الْعَصَبَةِ (الِاعْتِرَاضُ حَتَّى يَتِمَّ) مَهْرُ مِثْلِهَا (أَوْ يُفَرِّقَ) الْقَاضِي بَيْنَهُمَا دَفْعًا لِلْعَارِ
[7] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 55, Darul Fikr:
(قَوْلُهُ فَنَفَذَ إلَخْ) أَرَادَ بِالنَّفَاذِ الصِّحَّةَ وَتَرَتُّبَ الْأَحْكَامِ مِنْ طَلَاقٍ وَتَوَارُثٍ وَغَيْرِهِمَا لَا اللُّزُومَ، إذْ هُوَ أَخَصُّ مِنْهَا لِأَنَّهُ مَا لَا يُمْكِنُ نَقْضُهُ وَهَذَا يُمْكِنُ رَفْعُهُ إذَا كَانَ مِنْ غَيْرِ كُفْءٍ
[8] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 56-57, Darul Fikr:
(وَيُفْتَى) فِي غَيْرِ الْكُفْءِ (بِعَدَمِ جَوَازِهِ أَصْلًا) وَهُوَ الْمُخْتَارُ لِلْفَتْوَى (لِفَسَادِ الزَّمَانِ) فَلَا تَحِلُّ مُطَلَّقَةٌ ثَلَاثًا نَكَحَتْ غَيْرَ كُفْءٍ بِلَا رِضَا وَلِيٍّ بَعْدَ مَعْرِفَتِهِ إيَّاهُ فَلْيُحْفَظْ
[9] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 55-56, Darul Fikr:
بِلَا) رِضَا (وَلِيٍّ) وَالْأَصْلُ أَنَّ كُلَّ مَنْ تَصَرَّفَ فِي مَالِهِ تَصَرَّفَ فِي نَفْسِهِ وَمَا لَا فَلَا (فَنَفَذَ نِكَاحُ حُرَّةٍ مُكَلَّفَةٍ
[10] Bada’ius Sana’i, vol. 2, pg. 247, Darul Kutubul Ilmiyyah:
وَأَمَّا وِلَايَةُ النَّدْبِ وَالِاسْتِحْبَابِ فَهِيَ: الْوِلَايَةُ عَلَى الْحُرَّةِ الْبَالِغَةِ الْعَاقِلَةِ بِكْرًا كَانَتْ أَوْ ثَيِّبًا فِي قَوْلِ أَبِي حَنِيفَةَ وَزُفَرَ وَقَوْلِ أَبِي يُوسُفَ الْأَوَّل
[11] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 21-23, Darul Fikr:
(وَ) شُرِطَ (حُضُورُ) شَاهِدَيْنِ (حُرَّيْنِ) أَوْ حُرٌّ وَحُرَّتَيْنِ (مُكَلَّفَيْنِ سَامِعَيْنِ قَوْلَهُمَا مَعًا) عَلَى الْأَصَحِّ (فَاهِمَيْنِ) أَنَّهُ نِكَاحٌ عَلَى الْمَذْهَبِ بَحْرٌ (مُسْلِمَيْنِ لِنِكَاحِ مُسْلِمَةٍ)
[12] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 101, Darul Fikr:
(أَقَلُّهُ عَشَرَةُ دَرَاهِمَ) لِحَدِيثِ الْبَيْهَقِيّ وَغَيْرِهِ «لَا مَهْرَ أَقَلُّ مِنْ عَشَرَةِ دَرَاهِمَ»
[13] Surah An-Nisa 24:
﴿وَٱلْمُحْصَنَـٰتُ مِنَ ٱلنِّسَآءِ إِلَّا مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَـٰنُكُمْ ۖ كِتَـٰبَ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ ۚ وَأُحِلَّ لَكُم مَّا وَرَآءَ ذَٰلِكُمْ أَن تَبْتَغُوا۟ بِأَمْوَٰلِكُم مُّحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَـٰفِحِينَ ۚ فَمَا ٱسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهِۦ مِنْهُنَّ فَـَٔاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةًۭ ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا تَرَٰضَيْتُم بِهِۦ مِنۢ بَعْدِ ٱلْفَرِيضَةِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًۭا﴾
[14] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 9, Darul Fikr:
(وَيَنْعَقِدُ) مُتَلَبِّسًا (بِإِيجَابٍ) مِنْ أَحَدِهِمَا (وَقَبُولٍ) مِنْ الْآخِرِ
[15] Raddul Muhtar, vol. 3, pg. 114, Darul Fikr:
(وَالْخَلْوَةُ) مُبْتَدَأٌ خَبَرُهُ قَوْلُهُ الْآتِي كَالْوَطْءِ (بِلَا مَانِعٍ حِسِّيٍّ)
[16] Sahih Muslim 2674:
حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ أَيُّوبَ، وَقُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، وَابْنُ، حُجْرٍ قَالُوا حَدَّثَنَا إِسْمَاعِيلُ، – يَعْنُونَ ابْنَ جَعْفَرٍ – عَنِ الْعَلاَءِ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ مَنْ دَعَا إِلَى هُدًى كَانَ لَهُ مِنَ الأَجْرِ مِثْلُ أُجُورِ مَنْ تَبِعَهُ لاَ يَنْقُصُ ذَلِكَ مِنْ أُجُورِهِمْ شَيْئًا وَمَنْ دَعَا إِلَى ضَلاَلَةٍ كَانَ عَلَيْهِ مِنَ الإِثْمِ مِثْلُ آثَامِ مَنْ تَبِعَهُ لاَ يَنْقُصُ ذَلِكَ مِنْ آثَامِهِمْ شَيْئًا “
[17] Surah Al-Hujurat 10:
إِنَّمَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌۭ فَأَصْلِحُوا۟ بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ
[18] Surah An-Noor 28:
فَإِن لَّمْ تَجِدُوا۟ فِيهَآ أَحَدًۭا فَلَا تَدْخُلُوهَا حَتَّىٰ يُؤْذَنَ لَكُمْ ۖ وَإِن قِيلَ لَكُمُ ٱرْجِعُوا۟ فَٱرْجِعُوا۟ ۖ هُوَ أَزْكَىٰ لَكُمْ ۚ وَٱللَّهُ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ عَلِيمٌۭ
