Fatwa ID: 07565

 

 

Answered by Alimah Khadija Tarwala 

Question:

 

I have a crush on a girl, but her deen is not good as she has boyfriends and doesn’t wear proper hijab. How do I stop my infatuation with her as I daydream of marrying her?

 

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

It is natural for people to develop feelings of attraction, but Islam offers clear guidance on how to manage these emotions in a way that protects our hearts and keeps us aligned with Allah’s commands. Allah says in the Qur’an: “Do not go near adultery. It is truly a shameful deed and an evil way” (17:32). This verse reminds us to avoid actions that can lead to sin, such as developing an excessive attachment or infatuation with someone who may not strengthen our faith.

 

Here are a few steps you can take to protect both yourself and your faith:

 

Lowering the Gaze: The first step is to follow the Qur’anic instruction to lower your gaze. Allah says: “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do” (24:30). Constantly staring at someone or daydreaming about them only intensifies the infatuation. Controlling your gaze is a useful way to help reduce emotional attachment to this person.

 

Prioritising Your Deen: When considering someone for marriage, the Prophet (peace be upon him) advised that we should prioritise religious commitment. He said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty, and her religion. So, you should marry the religious woman, otherwise, you will be a loser” (Sahih al-Bukhari 5090). If you find that this person may not be compatible with you in terms of deen, it is wise to avoid developing romantic inclinations.

 

 

Seeking Allah’s Help: It’s important to sincerely ask Allah for help in overcoming these feelings that you are experiencing. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught us to turn to Allah in difficult situations. Regularly make du’a, asking Allah to cleanse your heart of desires that may lead you away from Him.

 

Engaging in Beneficial Actions: Infatuation tends to grow when we have too much free time. Staying occupied with beneficial activities such as reading Qur’an or increasing your dhikr. Keeping your mind occupied with positive actions such as these will help control your thoughts away from unproductive daydreams.

 

Turning toward Allah and focusing on your deen will help you manage these emotions. Focus on your own spiritual growth, and when Allah wills for it, seek a spouse who will help strengthen your connection with Allah.

 

 

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Alimah Khadija Tarwala.

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah.

Darul Ifta Birmingham.

 

 

 

 

 

References:

 

قُل لِّلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا۟ مِنْ أَبْصَـٰرِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا۟ فُرُوجَهُمْ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ خَبِيرٌۢ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ Surah An-Nur, 24:30

 

وَلَا تَقْرَبُوا۟ ٱلزِّنَىٰٓ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ كَانَ فَـٰحِشَةًۭ وَسَآءَ سَبِيلًۭا Surah Al-Isra, 17:32

 

حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ‏”‏‏.‏ Sahih al-Bukhari 5090