Fatwa ID: 07631
Answered by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat
Question:
Assalamu Alaikum Sir.
Right now I am married but my childhood trauma is not letting me live my life peacefully.
I always remember her poor treatment. She, her mother and sister always manipulate us. She always treated me inferior, she destroyed my career, badly affected my study life with her behaviour, treating me as her maid, there is so much to tell but I cannot put my emotions into words, she even got me married early just to get rid of me. I completed my studies privately after marriage. Luckily I’ve got an amazing husband but now. Day by day as I’m watching her own biological child studying medicine and getting an education from the best of the best institutes, I started going into depression. Me and my biological sister were harmed by her badly and my father did not understand that, it is very painful now due to all this which severely stresses me, I am diagnosed with a brain (pituitary) tumour. Doctors ask me to reduce stress as much as I can but this is not in my control. Even now I feel like I am bothering my husband’s life too.
Please help me if you can, what should I do now?
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
I am deeply sorry to hear about the struggles you have been through and the emotional pain you continue to carry. It’s understandable that these past experiences, combined with your current health challenges, are overwhelming. I pray that Allah grants you relief, healing, and peace of mind.
First and foremost, your mental and emotional well-being is critical, and Islam encourages us to care for our health, both physically and emotionally.
Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) said;
“Indeed, your soul has a right over you.” (Bukhari 5199)
You must prioritize your health, which includes seeking professional help and support from those close to you. It’s not just about reducing stress but seeking healing for your heart, mind, and soul. Counselling, therapy, and spiritual guidance can help in coping with the trauma you’ve faced. Consider reaching out to an Islamic counsellor who understands the emotional and spiritual aspects of healing.
In Islam, we are encouraged to seek justice but also strive for forgiveness and peace of heart. Trauma and emotional pain are deeply personal, and carrying the burden of hurt can be harmful over time. In dealing with others who have wronged us, we are reminded by Allah to be patient and leave matters of retribution to Him. Allah says in the Qur’an: The good deed and the evil deed are not equal. Repel (evil) with that which is better.” (Surah Fussilat: 41:34)
While this doesn’t mean you should accept mistreatment, it encourages you to rise above the negative emotions and free yourself from the chains of bitterness and resentment, which are damaging your health and peace.
Practical Steps You Can Take:
- Dua and Istighfar: Constantly turn to Allah, asking Him for strength and peace of heart. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Nothing can change destiny except du’a.” (Tirmidhi) Ask Allah to ease your pain and give you strength to cope with the trials you face.
- Therapy and Emotional Support: You have already identified how much stress and hurt these memories are causing you, which is now also impacting your health. Reach out to a professional therapist or counsellor who can guide you through the healing process.
- Seeking Forgiveness and Letting Go: Forgiving those who hurt you is one of the most difficult, yet most freeing acts. Even though it’s hard to forget the harm, choosing to forgive can lift an emotional burden from your heart. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Whoever suppresses his anger while he is able to execute it, Allah will call him before the heads of creation and let him choose from the Hoor (of Jannah) whichever he wishes.” (Ibn Majah 41860.
- Strengthening Your Marriage: Alhamdulillah, you have been blessed with a supportive husband. Communicate your feelings with him and let him know about your emotional struggles. He can be a great support during these difficult times, and working together as a team can ease the burden.
- Take Steps to Reduce Stress: Since stress is directly affecting your health, you must be mindful of activities or environments that help you reduce stress. Engaging in dhikr (remembrance of Allah), practicing mindfulness, and focusing on hobbies or activities that uplift your spirit can help bring some relief.
Turning to Allah
Above all, remember that your reward with Allah is immense for the pain you’ve endured. Allah tests us in different ways, and through patience and perseverance, He purifies and elevates us. In the face of these challenges, rely on your faith, and turn to Allah, who knows every injustice and every hardship you’ve been through.
May Allah grant you Shifa (healing) and ease your heart from the burdens of your past. I encourage you to reach out for support in every way—through counselling, trusted friends, and your faith. You don’t have to carry this burden alone. If there’s anything else I can help you with, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
May Allah ease your difficulties and bless you with peace.
I hope that this answers the question.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Alimah Shireen Mangera-Badat
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
