Fatwa ID: 07744

 

 

 

Answered by Maulana Abdoullah limvoonheek

 

 

Question:

 

This is regarding my husband. He is one of five siblings, four brothers and one sister. At the age of around 6, when his sister was around 13 years of age, she called him to her bed and placed his hand in her private parts. Because of this incident, it has caused much trauma and affected my husband in his life in many ways. Alhamdulillah through marriage and better company, his Imaan and understanding of deen have improved. But this has affected our married life. This person to this day behaves in an obscene manner. Not covering her awrah properly in front of family members even in front of her brothers and male family members. This person at the beginning of marriage, when I was young and naïve, questioned me on very personal and private matters between myself and my husband, creating discussions on such topics, I have learnt now not to feel obliged to share with her and continued to change the topic the last time she was initiating such a conversation. She shows many signs of obscenity, due to which I was not shocked when my husband shared this incident with me. He has tried to protect her sins by not sharing them with anyone. He has shared them with me only and after two years of us being married. I feel that if this person showed apparent signs of regret and tawbah she would be more humble and shameful and more modest around her brothers. But she discusses things of an obscene nature her family generally bring up such topics that are uncomfortable. I do not know how to go forward I feel that she should do pardah from my husband or at least his side so he can make more of an effort to avoid this person not having conversations with her or being alone with her. She recently said to my husband that some things should be just between them and not to share with the wife. She has never mentioned the incident or ever asked my husband for forgiveness, probably assuming that he’s forgotten when he is haunted by that to this day. We do not want to unnecessarily speak to anyone causing shame for that person, and do not want to bring someone’s crimes to light, but this is not just a personal sin but a crime against someone. If this was a distant relative this topic would never need to be discussed again, but her being a family member in a family who are very close and always keep in touch and meeting up, we are confused about how to go forward. What is more concerning is my husband having experienced this at such a young age and never shared it with anyone has grown up becoming used to the idea of this incident and this is all he has ever known a relationship between a brother and sister to be. So things aren’t much different for him as they are for me after having found this Out. He does understand now how this is so wrong, but everything is still very much normal for him, he has however expressed how he also feels uncomfortable with the way his sister is around him, she seems to cross boundaries, she also tells me as I do shar’ee pardah that I can just wear my niqab and join family sit with their brothers, her understanding of pardah is very confused, I have had great difficulty keeping my pardah in a household which has a very confused idea of it, over the years there have been many minor incidents with this person which makes me uncomfortable, I consider her as a non-mahram for my husband because of her mannerism and her behaviour she does not behave as a sister should, personally I have always kept modest with even my head and chest covered and appropriate clothing in front of my own mother father and siblings as hayaa modesty is separate from doing pardah from only non-mahrams, please share advice and guidance on this matter

 

 

 

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

From the above question, there are a few issues we can identify and point out. We will try to elaborate and answer it.

 

Firstly in the hadith, it is mentioned: “Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately.”

From this, we see the importance that a brother and a sister must be separated when they reach a certain age because they start experiencing changes in their body as they grow up.

The parents also must supervise and look after their children. They should provide proper upbringing to them so they don’t fall into evil.

 

Secondly is Satr ul Awrah which is known as covering the private part. In the Quran Allah speaks about dressing (Surah Araaf Ayah 26): “O children of Adam, We have sent down to you clothing that covers your shame and dress that adorns. And the dress of Taqwa! That is the best. That is one of the signs of Allah, so that they may be receptive to advice.”

In general, under all circumstances, the Awrah of the male is from the navel to the knee. This should be covered at all times even in front of mahram. 

However, for women, there is a slight difference between mahram and ghair mahram. But the whole body should be covered properly and the dressing should be appropriate even in front of one’s brother.

 

Lastly is the aspect of Haya and modesty. This is an important branch in Islam and Imaan. In the hadith it is said: “Modesty (Al-Haya’) is a branch of Faith.”

It is important for both man and woman, however, it is more emphasised on woman for their protection. In the Quran, Allah discusses the incident of the 2 girls that came to Moosa A.S with an embodiment of Haya.

Surah Qasas ayah 25: “Then one of the two women came to him, walking with shyness. She said, “My father is calling you, so that he rewards you with something in return of your watering for us.”

 

We conclude by saying the hadith ‘If you do not feel ashamed, then do whatever you like.” If this persists and continues, then your husband should understand and draw a line between her and keep a distance.

 

Hope this answers the question.

 

 

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

 

Written by Maulana Abdoullah limvoonheek 

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

Reference:

 

Mariful Quran Surah Araaf Ayah 26

يَا بَنِي آدَمَ قَدْ أَنزَلْنَا عَلَيْكُمْ لِبَاسًا يُوَارِي سَوْآتِكُمْ وَرِيشًا ۖ وَلِبَاسُ التَّقْوَىٰ ذَٰلِكَ خَيْرٌ ۚ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ آيَاتِ اللَّهِ لَعَلَّهُمْ يَذَّكَّرُونَ

 

Mariful Quran Surah Qasas ayah 25

فَجَاءَتْهُ إِحْدَاهُمَا تَمْشِي عَلَى اسْتِحْيَاءٍ قَالَتْ إِنَّ أَبِي يَدْعُوكَ لِيَجْزِيَكَ أَجْرَ مَا سَقَيْتَ لَنَا

 

أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ الْحَيَاءُ شُعْبَةٌ مِنَ الإِيمَانِ ‏”‏ ‏

 

Sunan ibn Majah hadith 5006

 

حَدِّثُ عَنْ أَبِي مَسْعُودٍ، قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ “‏ إِنَّ مِمَّا أَدْرَكَ النَّاسُ مِنْ كَلاَمِ النُّبُوَّةِ إِذَا لَمْ تَسْتَحِي فَاصْنَعْ مَا شِئْتَ ‏”

 

Sahih Bukhari hadith 3484