Fatwa ID: 08043

Answered by Mawlana Muhammad Zubair Khan Alizai

Question:
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

I am married to a muslim lady, we have 2 kids.

My wife is a good wife in the ethical side, she is very committed to Islam, but she is not taking care of herself and not taking care of the house cleaning and even her own personal hygiene is not amazing. This thing kept repelling me over the years, and I am very tired of that, whenever I ask her or explain to her, she is not listening, many times she said if you don’t like what I have so go find someone else satisfies what you want. Additionally, her mother is always taking a very negative role in our life, that lead many times to huge fights between us, these fights are getting more and more toxic that it started to affect the kids, I don’t want the kids to stay in this toxic environment, although she is a good mother for them, but she is not willing to calm down and put an end to these struggles we have.

I met a girl from other nationality, I know her for a while when I was working out of the UK, I felt relieved talking to her and explaining to her my struggles, she is a christian, I know this girl very well, and she has all the aspects any man dream of in his wife, apart from being not Muslim, but she agreed to revert to islam if we were to get married.

Now I don’t know what to do, staying in my marriage with all this toxic environment that is affecting the kids and me, and tolerate the neglect of the house tidiness and the wife bad personal self care!! Or divorce her and marry the girl that I do love currently, which I feel will make me happier and more satisfied with her as a wife, but this will waste the family and hurt the kids also as they have to go through the trauma of separated parents.

I am in deep agony, I don’t know what to do!

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته

Allah Taala says in the Quran in chapter nr 7 Al-A’raaf verse nr 189;

{ ۞هُوَ ٱلَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفۡسٖ وَٰحِدَةٖ وَجَعَلَ مِنۡهَا زَوۡجَهَا لِيَسۡكُنَ إِلَيۡهَاۖ …

He is the One who has created you from a single soul, and out of him created his wife, so that he may find comfort in her …

And rasulullah sallAllahu alayhi wasallam said in a hadith narrated by Imam Ibn Majah in his Sunan hadith nr 1855;

“This world is but provisions, and there is no provision in this world better than a righteous wife.”

Allah Taala has permitted divorce for couples who can no longer come to terms with each other for one reason or the other. This can only take place after mutual consultation and involving elders from both parties to sit down and talk things out. Divorce should not be taken lightly and only as a last resort if issues can’t be settled.

I feel from your words and question that this is not a big issue and with the help of Allah Taala it can be solved very easily.

It is very important that both of you sit down and talk, and if you feel that it is not working then you need to involve elders from your family and her family and discuss the issues openly and honestly, and don’t make decisions in haste and rush to illogical solutions.

Especially when you acknowledge that she is a righteous woman and takes care of you and your children then other smaller issues such as not presenting herself in a better way to you or not taking care of herself is not something that can’t be changed and for that you might have to be creative in your approach and perhaps take her out for dinner or buy flowers for her or a nice dress so she can see you are making an effort and in turn that will push her to also make an effort Inshaa Allah Taala.

I would not advice you to go ahead and get married with this second woman because it seems that it might bring more harm than benefit in the longer run. You need to fix your issues with your first wife first before you think about marrying a second woman.

Islam has permitted a man to have four wives at the same time, but this is only when he is able to take care of them financially, and he gives each wife same amount of time ie he distributes his time with justice, and that he is able to do justice when it comes to treating the wives fairly and not show immense love to one wife whilst neglecting the other.

There is another issue here and that is for two strangers to have any relationship before marriage. You need to cut your relation with this woman because its unlawful for a man to be in khalwa ie being alone with a non mahram, and to have physical contact with such a woman is even worser – Allah Taala protect us all from disobeying Him.

And only Allah Taala knows best

Written by Mawlana Muhammad Zubair Khan Alizai

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

References:
رد المحتار على الدر المختار المكتبة دار الفكر المجلد ٣ الصفحة ٢٢٨

… وَأَمَّا الطَّلَاقُ فَإِنَّ الْأَصْلَ فِيهِ الْحَظْرُ، بِمَعْنَى أَنَّهُ مَحْظُورٌ إلَّا لِعَارِضٍ يُبِيحُهُ، وَهُوَ مَعْنَى قَوْلِهِمْ الْأَصْلُ فِيهِ الْحَظْرُ وَالْإِبَاحَةُ لِلْحَاجَةِ إلَى الْخَلَاصِ، فَإِذَا كَانَ بِلَا سَبَبٍ أَصْلًا لَمْ يَكُنْ فِيهِ حَاجَةٌ إلَى الْخَلَاصِ بَلْ يَكُونُ حُمْقًا وَسَفَاهَةَ رَأْيٍ وَمُجَرَّدَ كُفْرَانِ النِّعْمَةِ وَإِخْلَاصِ الْإِيذَاءِ بِهَا وَبِأَهْلِهَا وَأَوْلَادِهَا …

«أَبْغَضُ الْحَلَالِ إلَى اللَّهِ الطَّلَاقُ» قَالَ فِي الْفَتْحِ: وَيُحْمَلُ لَفْظُ الْمُبَاحِ عَلَى مَا أُبِيحَ فِي بَعْضِ الْأَوْقَاتِ أَعْنِي أَوْقَاتِ تَحَقُّقِ الْحَاجَةِ الْمُبِيحَةِ اهـ وَإِذَا وُجِدَتْ الْحَاجَةُ الْمَذْكُورَةُ أُبِيحَ وَعَلَيْهَا يُحْمَلُ مَا وَقَعَ مِنْهُ – صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ – وَمِنْ أَصْحَابِهِ وَغَيْرِهِمْ مِنْ الْأَئِمَّةِ صَوْنًا لَهُمْ عَنْ الْعَبَثِ وَالْإِيذَاءِ بِلَا سَبَبٍ، فَقَوْلُهُ فِي الْبَحْرِ إنَّ الْحَقَّ إبَاحَتُهُ لِغَيْرِ حَاجَةٍ طَلَبًا لِلْخَلَاصِ مِنْهَا، إنْ أَرَادَ بِالْخَلَاصِ مِنْهَا الْخَلَاصَ بِلَا سَبَبٍ كَمَا هُوَ الْمُتَبَادِرُ مِنْهُ فَهُوَ مَمْنُوعٌ لِمُخَالَفَتِهِ لِقَوْلِهِمْ إنَّ إبَاحَتَهُ لِلْحَاجَةِ إلَى الْخَلَاصِ، فَلَمْ يُبِيحُوهُ إلَّا عِنْدَ الْحَاجَةِ إلَيْهِ لَا عِنْدَ مُجَرَّدِ إرَادَةِ الْخَلَاصِ وَإِنْ أَرَادَ الْخَلَاصَ عِنْدَ الْحَاجَةِ إلَيْهِ فَهُوَ الْمَطْلُوبُ …

رد المحتار على الدر المختار المكتبة دار الفكر المجلد ١ الصفحة ٥٦٦

… (قَوْلُهُ لَيْسَ مَعَهُنَّ رَجُلٌ غَيْرَهُ) ظَاهِرُهُ أَنَّ الْخَلْوَةَ بِالْأَجْنَبِيَّةِ لَا تَنْتَفِي بِوُجُودِ امْرَأَةٍ أَجْنَبِيَّةٍ أُخْرَى وَتَنْتَفِي بِوُجُودِ رَجُلٍ آخَرَ تَأَمَّلْ (قَوْلُهُ كَأُخْتِهِ) مِنْ كَلَامِ الشَّارِحِ كَمَا رَأَيْته فِي عِدَّةِ نُسَخٍ، وَكَذَا بِخَطِّهِ فِي الْخَزَائِنِ كَتَبَهُ بِالْأَسْوَدِ وَأَفَادَ أَنَّ الْمُرَادَ بِالْمَحْرَمِ مَا كَانَ مِنْ الرَّحِمِ، لِمَا قَالُوا مِنْ كَرَاهَةِ الْخَلْوَةِ بِالْأُخْتِ رَضَاعًا وَالصِّهْرَةِ الشَّابَّةِ تَأَمَّلْ.

(قَوْلُهُ أَوْ زَوْجَتُهُ أَوْ أَمَتُهُ) بِالرَّفْعِ عَطْفًا عَلَى رَجُلٌ أَوْ مَحْرَمٌ لَا بِالْجَرِّ عَطْفًا عَلَى أُخْتِهِ؛ لِمَا عَلِمْت أَنَّهُ لَيْسَ مِنْ الْمَتْنِ وَحِينَئِذٍ فَلَا حَاجَةَ إلَى دَعْوَى تَغَلُّبِ الْمَحْرَمِ فَافْهَمْ (قَوْلُهُ فِي الْمَسْجِدِ) لِعَدَمِ تَحَقُّقِ الْخَلْوَةِ فِيهِ، وَلِذَا لَوْ اجْتَمَعَ بِزَوْجَتِهِ فِيهِ لَا يُعَدُّ خَلْوَةً كَمَا يَأْتِي رَحْمَتِيٌّ …