Fatwa ID: 07979

Answered by: Maulana Kawsar Ahmed

Question:

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركات

I pray this message finds you in the best of health and imaan.

I was wondering what should be prioritised: doing good deeds or listening to your parents. For example, if your parents ask you to study instead of going to an Islamic class.

Or if your parents ask you to not follow the sunnah of having a hard bed to make it easy to wake up for tahajjud. They are advising you to have a softer bed because they think it will be better for your back.

Or if they are advising you not to volunteer/help others as this is a waste of time in their opinion.

Or if you would like to spend money on and wake up early to do Arabic lessons but they think it is a waste of money and that you shouldn’t wake up so early.

Please could you offer some tips.

جزاك الله خيرا كثيرا

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:

Firstly, it is important to note that striving to please one’s parents, being kind, gentle, and dutiful to them is greatly emphasised in Islam, so important that Allah has reminded us of this duty in the context of mentioning his Oneness, which is the core of a person’s faith. Allah The Exalted mentions in the Qur’an: “For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.”[1]  

We can also understand from this verse and many other Quranic verses and Prophetic statements that it is a major sin to be disrespectful, ill-mannered, and harsh to one’s parents.

However, the scholars have not left this issue of obedience to the parents unrestricted; rather, they have mentioned certain rules and guidelines that ought to be considered when it comes to this matter.

Firstly, we have to understand that absolute submission, in totality without any qualification, is reserved only for Allah The Exalted and that which he has taught mankind through his Messengers (May Peace Be Upon Them All).

The Prophet (saw) has said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.”[2]

The scholars of Islam have also provided more insight into this issue and have essentially said that:

• It is agreed upon by all scholars that the parents shouldn’t be obeyed in every single thing that they command and every single thing that they prohibit, because Allah The Exalted is the only being who deserves this level of servitude.

• If a parent has sufficient grounds upon which they are afraid or apprehensive for their child to engage in a certain act, like the fear of death or the fear of loss of a limb, and they prohibit their child from said act or order them to do such act, then it would be impermissible to disobey them in what they have commanded or prohibited.

• It is obligatory to obey the parents in all those commands which are in accordance with Islam (because in actuality, that is obeying Allah).

• Many scholars also view that in grey areas, a child is obliged to follow their parents. What is meant by grey areas are those aspects of life wherein there is no strict instruction given by the Shariah, and hence it is open to different ways of understanding and approaching that certain aspect. (Note: A Muslim would have to refer to a Scholar who is well versed in the different sciences of the Religion for more clarity regarding what is lawful, unlawful, and unclear or from the grey area).

• It is allowed for a child to seek knowledge or seek a lawful means of living without the permission of their parents, because these things are considered as necessities, without which, a person would not be able to live their life in a proper manner.[3]

In conclusion: It is incumbent that an individual tries their utmost best to follow their parents’ wishes and to consider that as an act of worship of the highest order and extreme virtue.

However, if one’s parents are becoming a barrier in the growth of their child, whether that be spiritually, financially, or otherwise, to an extent that a person is unable to fulfil their religious duties, obligations, and excel in any meaningful way, then they would have to blissfully navigate these sensitive situations with wisdom, trying not to harm or offend their parents to the best of one’s ability, whilst at the same time not compromising upon the injunctions of the faith, is what is required from an individual to the best of their ability.

Allah Surely knows best.

Written by Maulana Kawsar Ahmed

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

[1]Al-Qur’an: Surah Al-Isra, Verse: 23

[2]

٢٠٦٥٣ – حَدَّثَنَا سُلَيْمَانُ بْنُ حَرْبٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادٌ يَعْنِي _ ابْنُ زَيْدٍ _، عَنْ أَيُّوبَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدٍ، قَالَ: اسْتُعْمِلَ الْحَكَمُ بْنُ عَمْرٍو الْغِفَارِيُّ عَلَى خُرَاسَانَ، قَالَ: فَتَمَنَّاهُ عِمْرَانُ بْنُ حُصَيْنٍ حَتَّى قِيلَ لَهُ: يَا أَبَا نُجَيْدٍ، أَلَا نَدْعُوهُ لَكَ، قَالَ: لَا، فَقَامَ عِمْرَانُ بْنُ حُصَيْنٍ، فَلَقِيَهُ بَيْنَ النَّاسِ، قَالَ: تَذْكُرُ يَوْمَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: ” لَا طَاعَةَ لِمَخْلُوقٍ فِي مَعْصِيَةِ اللهِ “؟، قَالَ: نَعَمْ، قَالَ عِمْرَانُ: اللهُ أَكْبَرُ (١)

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[3]لم أَقف فِي عقوق الْوَالِدين وَفِيمَا يختصان بِهِ من العقوق على ضَابِط اعْتمد عَلَيْهِ، فَإِنَّهُ لَا يجب طاعتهما فِي كل مَا يأمران بِهِ وَلَا ينهيان عَنهُ بِاتِّفَاق الْعلمَاء، وَقد حرم على الْوَلَد الْجِهَاد بِغَيْر إذنهما لما يشق عَلَيْهِمَا من توقع قَتله أَو قطع عُضْو من أَعْضَائِهِ ولشدة تفجعهما على ذَلِك،، وَقد ألحق بذلك كل سفر يخافان فِيهِ على نَفسه أَو عُضْو من أَعْضَائِهِ. وَقَالَ الشَّيْخ أَبُو عَمْرو بن الصّلاح فِي (فَتَاوِيهِ) : العقوق الْمحرم كل فعل يتَأَذَّى بِهِ الْوَالِدَان تأذياً لَيْسَ بالهين مَعَ كَونه لَيْسَ من الْأَفْعَال الْوَاجِبَة، قَالَ: وَرُبمَا قيل: طَاعَة الْوَالِدين وَاجِبَة فِي كل مَا لَيْسَ بِمَعْصِيَة، وَمُخَالفَة أَمرهمَا فِي ذَلِك عقوق، وَقد أوجب كثير من الْعلمَاء طاعتهما فِي الشُّبُهَات، وَلَيْسَ قَول من قَالَ من عُلَمَائِنَا: يجوز لَهُ السّفر فِي طلب الْعلم وَفِي التِّجَارَة بِغَيْر إذنهما مُخَالفا لما ذكرته، فَإِن هَذَا كَلَام مُطلق، وَفِيمَا ذكرته بَيَان لتقييد ذَلِك الْمُطلق.

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