Fatwa ID: 08239

 

Answered by: Alimah Maryam Badshah

 

Question:

 

I hope this message finds you well. I am writing to seek guidance regarding some concerns that have been troubling me deeply.

 

I have observed that some of my relatives and family members are involved in extramarital affairs, and this has created an unrealistic fear in my heart. I am an unmarried man, and I worry whether my future spouse will also commit adultery or cheat on me. This thought disturbs me, even though I am not a bad person overall, Alhamdulillah.

 

I have protected my character by rejecting all proposals from women so far and have refrained from engaging in any pre-marital relationships. I sincerely hope that Allah will accept my efforts to stay chaste and reward me by granting me a loyal and pious wife in the future.

 

However, I have a bad habit of watching adult films and masturbating, which I am striving to overcome. Alhamdulillah, for the past few weeks, I have significantly minimized these actions and am committed to leaving them completely. I constantly repent to Allah for this sin and seek His forgiveness.

 

I am writing to ask for advice on how I can convince myself that Allah has destined a pious and loyal wife for me, and what I can do to strengthen my faith and attain peace of mind. Could you kindly suggest any dua, surah, or prayer that I can recite regularly to calm my heart and give me hope?

 

Jazakallahu Khayran for your guidance and time

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

 

Answer:

 

“Allah is the Creator of all things, and He is, over all things, Disposer of affairs.” Surah Az-Zumar (39:62)

 

Whilst it is unfortunate that the people you know and your personal activities have led you to develop such feelings concerning women. You should not allow such feelings to cause you to feel suspicious or despondent regarding marriage, nor commit other prohibited actions in its place.

 

The Prophet (saw) said, “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the worst of false speech; and do not look for the faults of others and do not spy, and do not be jealous of one another, and do not turn away from one another, and do not hate one another; and O Allah’s worshipers, be brothers.” (Bukhari)

 

A Muslim should not assume anything negative of another person, especially without clear cause. Assumptions and suspicions regarding others are seeds which rob a person of their peace of mind and cause the deterioration of relations between people. This is because entertaining feelings of suspicion and acting upon it leads to the breach of a person’s rights, which in turn destroys their trust for you. Allah (swt) says in the Qur’an:

 

“O you who believe, avoid much of the [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” Surah Al-Hujurat (49:12)

 

We should always keep in mind that even if the people around us commit sins, it does not reflect the reality of society as a whole. Just as you have kept yourself physically chaste, so too will there be women who have done the same. And just as you have committed other sins that you have sought forgiveness for, so too have others. As you have stated in your email, it seems these feelings of distrust have arisen due to the people around you being unfaithful and committing zina. Seek to distance yourself from such people and take measures where possible to improve your environment. Find for yourself good company elsewhere who will help you in remembering Allah and encourage you to keep yourself on the right path.

 

Allah (swt) says in Surah Mu’minoon:
“And those who are guardians of their chastity ۝ Except from their spouses or those who their right hands possess, for in that case they shall not be blamed ۝ But whoever seeks to go beyond that, then those are the transgressors ۝” (23:5–7)

 

As for your search for a spouse, make abundant du’a, zikr and other forms of worship. There are several du’as and prayers you can make for marriage, such as praying Salatul Hajah and reading the following du’a:

 

﴿… رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا ۝﴾
“… Our Lord, grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.”
Surah Al-Furqan (25:74)

 

Have patience and make sincere repentance (Istighfar). Also, when a proposal for marriage comes to you, do your due diligence by asking questions and performing Istikharah before proceeding. Make du’a to Allah (swt) and trust in Him that the result is what is best for you. Always keep in mind that a successful marriage is built upon trust and respect for one another. Regardless of how things turn out, know that Allah (swt) does what is best for us and that the Hereafter is our true goal in life.

 

As a final note, continue on your path of self-rectification and improvement by putting safeguards in place for yourself, such as lowering your gaze, restricting internet usage and abandoning explicit content. Work on educating yourself regarding the deen and the rights and responsibilities of yourself and others. If you continue to feel concerned regarding either issue, it would be best to seek professional help from a qualified scholar or Muslim counsellor.

 

“And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls but that He knows it. And no grain is there within the darknesses of the earth and no moist or dry [thing] but that it is [written] in a clear record.”
Surah Al-An’am (6:59)

 

Only Allah  knows best.

 

 

Written by Alimah Maryam Badshah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

﴿ اللَّهُ خَالِقُ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ ۖ وَهُوَ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ وَكِيلٌ ۝﴾

Qur’an (39:62)

 

حَدَّثَنَا بِشْرُ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ، أَخْبَرَنَا مَعْمَرٌ، عَنْ هَمَّامِ بْنِ مُنَبِّهٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ إِيَّاكُمْ وَالظَّنَّ، فَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ أَكْذَبُ الْحَدِيثِ، وَلاَ تَحَسَّسُوا، وَلاَ تَجَسَّسُوا، وَلاَ تَحَاسَدُوا، وَلاَ تَدَابَرُوا، وَلاَ تَبَاغَضُوا، وَكُونُوا عِبَادَ اللَّهِ إِخْوَانًا ‏”‏‏.‏

Sahih Al-Bukhāri 6064 (Bk.78, ch.57, sunnah.com)

 

﴿ يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ ۝﴾

Qur’an (49:12)

 

﴿ وَالَّذِينَ هُمْ لِفُرُوجِهِمْ حَافِظُونَ ۝ إِلَّا عَلَىٰ أَزْوَاجِهِمْ أَوْ مَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُهُمْ فَإِنَّهُمْ غَيْرُ مَلُومِينَ ۝ فَمَنِ ابْتَغَىٰ وَرَاءَ ذَٰلِكَ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الْعَادُونَ ‎۝﴾

Qur’an (23:5-7)

 

﴿ …رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا ۝﴾

Qur’an (25:74)

 

﴿ وَعِندَهُ مَفَاتِحُ الْغَيْبِ لَا يَعْلَمُهَا إِلَّا هُوَ ۚ وَيَعْلَمُ مَا فِي الْبَرِّ وَالْبَحْرِ ۚ وَمَا تَسْقُطُ مِن وَرَقَةٍ إِلَّا يَعْلَمُهَا وَلَا حَبَّةٍ فِي ظُلُمَاتِ الْأَرْضِ وَلَا رَطْبٍ وَلَا يَابِسٍ إِلَّا فِي كِتَابٍ مُّبِينٍ ۝﴾

Qur’an (6:59)

 

قُلْت: وَكَذَا فِيمَا يَظْهَرُ لَوْ كَانَ لَا يُمْكِنُهُ مَنْعُ نَفْسِهِ عَنْ النَّظَرِ الْمُحَرَّمِ أَوْ عَنْ الِاسْتِمْنَاءِ بِالْكَفِّ، فَيَجِبُ التَّزَوُّجُ، وَإِنْ لَمْ يَخَفْ الْوُقُوعَ فِي الزِّنَا (قَوْلُهُ: فَإِنْ تَيَقَّنَ الزِّنَا إلَّا بِهِ فُرِضَ) أَيْ بِأَنْ كَانَ لَا يُمْكِنُهُ الِاحْتِرَازُ عَنْ الزِّنَا إلَّا بِهِ؛ لِأَنَّ مَا لَا يُتَوَصَّلُ إلَى تَرْكِ الْحَرَامِ إلَّا بِهِ يَكُونُ فَرْضًا بَحْرٌ، وَفِيهِ نَظَرٌ إذْ التَّرْكُ قَدْ يَكُونُ بِغَيْرِ النِّكَاحِ وَهُوَ التَّسَرِّي، وَحِينَئِذٍ فَلَا يَلْزَمُ وُجُوبُهُ إلَّا لَوْ فَرَضْنَا الْمَسْأَلَةَ بِأَنَّهُ لَيْسَ قَادِرًا عَلَيْهِ نَهْرٌ لَكِنْ قَوْلُهُ: لَا يُمْكِنُهُ الِاحْتِرَازُ عَنْهُ إلَّا بِهِ ظَاهِرٌ فِي فَرْضِ الْمَسْأَلَةِ فِي عَدَمِ قُدْرَتِهِ عَلَى التَّسَرِّي وَكَذَا فِي عَدَمِ قُدْرَتِهِ عَلَى الصَّوْمِ الْمَانِعِ مِنْ الْوُقُوعِ فِي الزِّنَا فَلَوْ قَدَرَ عَلَى شَيْءٍ مِنْ ذَلِكَ لَمْ يَبْقَ النِّكَاحُ فَرْضًا أَوْ وَاجِبًا عَيْنًا، بَلْ هُوَ أَوْ غَيْرُهُ مِمَّا يَمْنَعُهُ عَنْ الْوُقُوعِ فِي الْمُحَرَّمِ

 

Raddul Muhtār (Vol.3, pg.6, Dār Al-Fiqr)