Fatwa ID: 08584
Written by Maulana Sakib Shadman
Question:
I am the sole provider in my marriage, I work because I have to not because I want to. My husband has just come out of prison and is looking for a job. I am trying my best to provide for us but it is a lot of pressure and he also says I have to clean and cook while he is at home all day. So I come home from madrasa and work and cook and clean.
Is this mandatory for me to do? Because I feel like while I am carrying the burden of struggling to provide for us. He should be helping me in other ways like the cleaning and cooking but he says that’s my job to do.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Allah Ta’ala is Al-Aadil (The Most Just) and his perfect Deen is a religion of justice. Please consider this Hadith of Sahih Muslim:
It has been narrated on the authority of ‘Abdullah b. ‘Umar that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Behold! the Dispensers of justice will be seated on the pulpits of light beside God, on the right side of the Merciful, Exalted and Glorious. Either side of the Being is the right side both being equally meritorious. (The Dispensers of justice are) those who do justice in their rulership, in matters relating to their families and in all that they undertake to do.
Your husband is the guardian and leader of your family, as it comes in the following Hadith of Sahih Bukhari:
Narrated `Abdullah bin `Umar: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for his subjects). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband’s house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master’s property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for your subjects).
Thus your husband, who is the guardian of your family, is responsible for his dependents including you. If he does justice to you and your children, he will be seated on pulpits of lights next to Allah Ta’ala on the Day of Judgement. But if he oppresses you and is unjust to you, he will be questioned by Allah Ta’ala on the Day of Judgement. He is your guardian and he must ensure that he does not treat you unfairly as his dependent.
As a general principal;
- a woman of high status who is not accustomed nor trained in performing chores shall not be forced to perform housework.
- A woman who cannot perform housework due to weakness, illness, or any other such impediment shall also not be forced to perform housework.
- However if a woman is not of high status and is healthy, then it is her religious responsibility to do housework.
You have a unique situation in which your husband is not fulfilling his responsibility of financially providing for you. Rather you are providing for him. So if he is not fulfilling his financial responsibility, how can he expect you to fulfill your household responsibility. And if you are playing the role of a husband by financially providing for the family, how can your husband refuse to play your role and do the household chores.
Again, Islam is a religion of Justice. It is not just for your husband to expect you to fulfill both his responsibility and yours at the same time. If you are working all day and he is at home, of course he should help with the chores. It is completely unjust for your husband to expect that it is his right to relax at home while you work all day and earn money. And then for him to expect you to cook and clean at night while he continues to be unproductive is even more unjustified.
If you are exhausted and stressed after returning home from work, you may fall into category B, which means you are exempted from performing housework. Of course, a marriage is built on practicality and not principal. My most just advice would be that your husband should perform the daytime chores while you are at work. Then you should cooperatively work together at night and complete the remaining evening chores. Thus your husband should bear the majority of the burden of completing the daily list of chores. You should simply collaborate with him out of goodwill and to ensure that your husband is content with you.
I understand that you are only working out of necessity. However a necessity shall be limited to that which is necessary. Hence, please ask your husband to secure employment as soon as possible. When that happens, please resign from your position and look after the household. This will ensure peace and harmony in your marriage because you will not have to play the role of a husband and your husband will not have to play the role of a house-wife.
References:
(امْتَنَعَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ) مِنْ الطَّحْنِ وَالْخَبْزِ (إنْ كَانَتْ مِمَّنْ لَا تَخْدِمُ) أَوْ كَانَ بِهَا عِلَّةٌ (فَعَلَيْهِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَهَا بِطَعَامٍ مُهَيَّإٍ وَإِلَّا) بِأَنْ كَانَتْ مِمَّنْ تَخْدِمُ نَفْسَهَا وَتَقْدِرُ عَلَى ذَلِكَ (لَا) يَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ وَلَا يَجُوزُ لَهَا أَخْذُ الْأُجْرَةِ عَلَى ذَلِكَ لِوُجُوبِهِ عَلَيْهَا دِيَانَةً وَلَوْ شَرِيفَةً؛ لِأَنَّهُ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – قَسَّمَ الْأَعْمَالَ بَيْنَ عَلِيٍّ وَفَاطِمَةَ، فَجَعَلَ أَعْمَالَ الْخَارِجِ عَلَى عَلِيٍّ – رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ – وَالدَّاخِلِ عَلَى فَاطِمَةَ – رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا – مَعَ أَنَّهَا سَيِّدَةُ نِسَاءِ الْعَالَمِينَ بَحْرٌ. (وَيَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ آلَةُ طَحْنٍ وَخُبْزٍ وَآنِيَةُ شَرَابٍ وَطَبْخٍ كَكُوزٍ وَجَرَّةٍ وَقِدْرٍ وَمِغْرَفَةٍ) وَكَذَا سَائِرُ أَدَوَاتِ الْبَيْتِ كَحُصُرٍ وَلِبْدٍ وَطِنْفَسَةٍ، وَمَا تَتَنَظَّفُ بِهِ وَتُزِيلُ الْوَسَخَ كَمُشْطٍ وَأُشْنَانٍ وَمَا يَمْنَعُ الصُّنَانَ، وَمَدَاسِ رِجْلِهَا، وَتَمَامُهُ فِي الْجَوْهَرَةِ وَالْبَحْرِ. وَفِيهِ أُجْرَةُ الْقَابِلَةِ عَلَى مَنْ اسْتَأْجَرَهَا مِنْ زَوْجَةٍ وَزَوْجٍ وَلَوْ جَاءَتْ بِلَا اسْتِئْجَارٍ، –
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(امتنعت المرأة) من الطحن والخبز (إن كانت ممن لا تخدم) أو كان بها علة (فعليه أن يأتيها بطعام مهيأ وإلا) بأن كانت ممن تخدم نفسها وتقدر على ذلك (لا) يجب عليه ولا يجوز لها أخذ الاجرة على ذلك لوجوبه عليها ديانة ولو شريفة، لانه عليه الصلاة والسلام قسم الاعمال بين علي وفاطمة، فجعل أعمال الخارج على علي رضي الله تعالى عنه والداخل على فاطمة رضي الله تعالى عنها مع أنها سيدة نساء العالمين.
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وَإِنْ قَالَتْ: لَا أَطْبُخُ، وَلَا أَخْبِزُ قَالَ فِي الْكِتَابِ: لَا تُجْبَرُ عَلَى الطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ، وَعَلَى الزَّوْجِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَهَا بِطَعَامٍ مُهَيَّإٍ أَوْ يَأْتِيَهَا بِمَنْ يَكْفِيهَا عَمَلَ الطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ قَالَ الْفَقِيهُ أَبُو اللَّيْثِ – رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ تَعَالَى – إنْ امْتَنَعَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ عَنْ الطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ إنَّمَا يَجِبُ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَهَا بِطَعَامٍ مُهَيَّأٍ إذَا كَانَتْ مِنْ بَنَاتِ الْأَشْرَافِ لَا تَخْدُمُ بِنَفْسِهَا فِي أَهْلِهَا، وَإِنْ لَمْ تَكُنْ مِنْ بَنَاتِ الْأَشْرَافِ لَكِنَّ بِهَا عِلَّةً تَمْنَعُهَا مِنْ الطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ أَمَّا إذَا لَمْ تَكُنْ كَذَلِكَ فَلَا يَجِبُ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَهَا بِطَعَامٍ مُهَيَّأٍ كَذَا فِي الظَّهِيرِيَّةِ قَالُوا: إنَّ هَذِهِ الْأَعْمَالَ وَاجِبَةٌ عَلَيْهَا دِيَانَةً، وَإِنْ كَانَ لَا يُجْبِرُهَا الْقَاضِي كَذَا فِي الْبَحْرِ الرَّائِقِ، وَلَوْ اسْتَأْجَرَهَا لِلطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ لَمْ يَجُزْ لَهَا، وَلَا يَجُوزُ لَهَا أَخْذُ الْأُجْرَةِ عَلَى ذَلِكَ كَذَا فِي الْبَدَائِعِ وَيَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ آلَةُ الطَّحْنِ وَآنِيَةُ الْأَكْلِ وَالشُّرْبِ مِثْلُ الْكُوزِ وَالْجَرَّةِ وَالْقِدْرِ وَالْمِغْرَفَةِ وَأَشْبَاهِ ذَلِكَ كَذَا فِي الْجَوْهَرَةِ النَّيِّرَةِ ثُمَّ عَلَى ظَاهِرِ الرِّوَايَةِ فَرْقٌ بَيْنَ نَفَقَةِ الْمَرْأَةِ وَبَيْنَ خَادِمِهَا فَإِنَّ خَادِمَهَا إذَا امْتَنَعَتْ
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وَلِذَا قَالَ فِي الْبَدَائِعِ لَوْ اسْتَأْجَرَهَا لِلطَّبْخِ وَالْخَبْزِ لَمْ يَجُزْ وَلَا يَجُوزُ لَهَا أَخْذُ الْأُجْرَةِ عَلَى ذَلِكَ؛ لِأَنَّهَا لَوْ أَخَذَتْ لَأَخَذَتْ عَلَى عَمَلٍ وَاجِبٍ عَلَيْهَا فِي الْفَتْوَى فَكَانَ فِي مَعْنَى الرِّشْوَةِ فَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهَا الْأَخْذُ اهـ.
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قَالُوا حَدَّثَنَا سُفْيَانُ، بْنُ عُيَيْنَةَ عَنْ عَمْرٍو، – يَعْنِي ابْنَ دِينَارٍ – عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ أَوْسٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، قَالَ ابْنُ نُمَيْرٍ وَأَبُو بَكْرٍ يَبْلُغُ بِهِ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَفِي حَدِيثِ زُهَيْرٍ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ إِنَّ الْمُقْسِطِينَ عِنْدَ اللَّهِ عَلَى مَنَابِرَ مِنْ نُورٍ عَنْ يَمِينِ الرَّحْمَنِ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ وَكِلْتَا يَدَيْهِ يَمِينٌ الَّذِينَ يَعْدِلُونَ فِي حُكْمِهِمْ وَأَهْلِيهِمْ وَمَا وَلُوا ”
Sahih Muslim 1827
Chapter 5: The virtue of a just ruler and the punishment of a tyrant; Encouragement to treat those under one’s authority with kindness and the prohibition against causing them hardship, Book 33: The Book on Government
https://sunnah.com/muslim:1827
حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو النُّعْمَانِ، حَدَّثَنَا حَمَّادُ بْنُ زَيْدٍ، عَنْ أَيُّوبَ، عَنْ نَافِعٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ، فَالإِمَامُ رَاعٍ وَهْوَ مَسْئُولٌ وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِهِ وَهْوَ مَسْئُولٌ وَالْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَهْىَ مَسْئُولَةٌ، وَالْعَبْدُ رَاعٍ عَلَى مَالِ سَيِّدِهِ وَهُوَ مَسْئُولٌ، أَلاَ فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ ”
Sahih al-Bukhari 5188
Chapter 82: “Ward off from yourself and your families a Fire whose fuel is men and stones…”, Book 67: Wedlock, Marriage (Nikaah)
https://sunnah.com/bukhari:5188
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Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by Maulana Sakib Shadman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
