Fatwa ID: 08547

 

 

Answered by Alimah Maryam Badshah

 

Question:

 

I am going through a sense of serious regret and confusion. I must convey the complete story to portray the situation.

 

There was a girl who approached me was in deeply love with me and i had a little bit of affection for her and i was looking for some monetary benefits at that time. Her mother and she was living alone in their home, no whereabouts of her father.

 

The day she met me i talked with my mother and tried to convince her for marriage for the very reason that if she is really in love with and she is good for then we should go for halal way. For two months this kept on going and i went to some other country for some work. My work was going very good and this was the first time that i was sent abroad to do some work and was given a chance to enjoy and see the world.

 

Before going abroad i spent Ramadan in my country and prayed Istikhara several times for this marriage. Then i went abroad and i sent my parents to her home to ask her mother for marriage. When my family came back, things went bad and they were quite against the marriage.I was so upset about what would happen now because she was in deeply love with me and she was not willing to forget about me.

 

My family told me that the girl is not that pretty and her family is not up to our standards and they totally disliked the proposal. I couldn’t convince my family because i was afraid of anything bad happening  and whether it was worth fighting for. But meanwhile i was trying to get help from Allah.

 

I decided to leave this matter and now after a year I contacted her to ask her whether she is good or not.She said she is still in love with me and she has not moved on.

 

 

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

Any decision regarding this matter would rest entirely with yourself and is not something anyone can decide for you. You should contemplate whether you truly wish to marry her and, most importantly, if you will be able to fulfil the rights and responsibilities that come with marriage.

 

To start, it was wrong for you to have involved yourself so much with a person who was both a non-mahram and with who you were not in a position to marry. After finding out that your parents disapproved of the union and thereafter leaving the matter, you should not have contacted this woman again, since you were not planning to marry her and neither had you tried to convince your family to allow a marriage between you both. By contacting her again without any plans, you are not only exposing yourself to a haram relationship, but also misleading her by giving her false hope in a marriage that you are not prepared for.

 

The Prophet (saw) said: “A woman is married for four things: her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman, may your hands be rubbed in dust [i.e. otherwise you will be of the losers.] (Bukhāri)

 

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and should only be undertaken with due consideration. When searching for a spouse many factors should be taken into consideration, such as compatibility, piety, personality, maturity and future aspirations are just a few things that can seriously impact a marriage if treated lightly. It is not permissible for a person to marry if they believe they will cause their spouse injustice, which can easily occur if a person does not consider the long-term and if they will be able to fulfil their responsibilities regarding their spouse’s rights and needs once married.

 

Whilst making your decision, continue to perform Istikharah and make sincere dua to Allah (swt) and trust in Him that the result will be what is best for you. If you decide you do not wish to marry her, you should inform her of your decision and end all avenues of contact. You should also not allow this decision to affect your relationship with your parents or any future wife you may have. However, if you do wish to marry her, actively spend time discussing the matter with your family, gently explaining the reasons for your decision openly. Attend any marriage meetings that occur thereafter and ensure that any communication going forward adheres to Islamic principles. Regardless of how things turn out, know that Allah (swt) does what is best for us and that the Hereafter is our true goal in life.

 

 

 

References:

 

وَلَا يَظُنُّ مَنْ لَا فِطْنَةَ عِنْدَهُ أَنَّا إذَا قُلْنَا صَوْتُ الْمَرْأَةِ عَوْرَةٌ أَنَّا نُرِيدُ بِذَلِكَ كَلَامَهَا، لِأَنَّ ذَلِكَ لَيْسَ بِصَحِيحٍ، فَإِذًا نُجِيزُ الْكَلَامَ مَعَ النِّسَاءِ لِلْأَجَانِبِ وَمُحَاوَرَتِهِنَّ عِنْدَ الْحَاجَةِ إلَى ذَلِكَ، وَلَا نُجِيزُ لَهُنَّ رَفْعَ أَصْوَاتِهِنَّ وَلَا تَمْطِيطَهَا وَلَا تَلْيِينَهَا وَتَقْطِيعَهَا لِمَا فِي ذَلِكَ مِنْ اسْتِمَالَةِ الرِّجَالِ إلَيْهِنَّ وَتَحْرِيكِ الشَّهَوَاتِ مِنْهُمْ

Raddul Muhtār (Vol.1, pg.406, Dār Al-Fiqr)

 

 

حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ‏”‏‏.‏

Sahih Al-Bukhāri 5090 (Bk.67, ch.16, sunnah.com)

 

 

شَرْطًا آخَرَ فِيهِمَا وَهُوَ عَدَمُ خَوْفِ الْجَوْرِ أَيْ الظُّلْمِ قَالَ: فَإِنْ تَعَارَضَ خَوْفُ الْوُقُوعِ فِي الزِّنَا لَوْ لَمْ يَتَزَوَّجْ وَخَوْفُ الْجَوْرِ لَوْ تَزَوَّجَ قَدَّمَ الثَّانِيَ فَلَا افْتِرَاضَ، بَلْ يُكْرَهُ أَفَادَهُ الْكَمَالُ فِي الْفَتْحِ وَلَعَلَّهُ؛ لِأَنَّ الْجَوْرَ مَعْصِيَةٌ مُتَعَلِّقَةٌ بِالْعِبَادِ، وَالْمَنْعُ مِنْ الزِّنَا مِنْ حُقُوقِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى وَحَقُّ الْعَبْدِ مُقَدَّمٌ عِنْدَ التَّعَارُضِ لِاحْتِيَاجِهِ وَغِنَى الْمَوْلَى تَعَالَى.

Raddul Muhtar (Vol.3, pg.6, Dār Al-Fiqr)

 

 

 

 

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Alimah Maryam Badshah

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham