Fatwa ID: 02899
Answered by: Alimah Sabrina al-Faarsiyyah
Question:
Assalamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullah
I am a Muslim male and have been married for just 12 years. In that time, I have gone through much tests including health tests, marital and more. Through the grace of Allah, I have been bestowed with children.
However, since I have been married, I get abused passively and verbally and passively by my in-laws. When Islam suits them, they will present religious views, and contradict them in their own convenience.
Even my spouse chooses her family over myself and has cursed with wishing illnesses on me.
Whilst I have accepted on my married life my faults, the double standards I see make me internally enraged.
I love my wife and try to keep Sabr, accept my wrongs, and show love not out of reciprocation, but Taqwa but the multiple standards really hurt me on the way they have treated me and the principles they contradict.
My spouses family do not hold spousal care as a priority in religion but negate deen to their own fancy, and what they feel as 'deen' not the Shariah. Been told I'm strict.
My own extended family have never been close, and my close parents are weak, hence I do not want to burden them.
Even if I try to reason, they get angry and take away my children, which they have previously from me, I love my kids so much.
My wife also has a habit of being overly attached to her mother
I am so hurt and the pain eats me up. My queries are:-
1. I need to talk and share with people, else I will go insane. Am I permitted to let my heart out as a form of someone to talk to?
2. Can I ask Allah SWT, to punish and curse my in-laws just as Nabi Sallahu Alayhi Wasalam cursed some people in his time (Amr bin Hisham) and tribes if hidayah is not returned for them? I try to forgive I know its better, but everyone takes advantage.
3. Could you give examples of Akabireen who made Sabr with harsh wives and family, I show love but I'm not made to feel loved?
There is a lot of information on women oppressed by in-laws but not men struggling
Please advise and guide, it is said you cannot change people but yourself. I'm just so hurt emotionally my heart feels shattered and I feel lonely – maybe it is my sins?
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of ALLAH the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
Answer:
Assalamualaikum Wa Rahmatullahi Wa Barakaatuh
1. If you need to share your problem with others in order to get advice or help, then this is permissible. Otherwise, it can fall under backbiting so refrain from it. Opt for telling senior, counsellors, or scholars so you may receive positive beneficial advice.
2. Cursing means to be expelled and removed from goodness. It is said it is a condemnation and supplication for expulsion and removal from Allah and from the creation.[1] You must refrain from cursing your in-laws or any of your fellow Muslims as being removed from Allah and His goodness is something we seek refuge in Allah from.
Abdullah bin ‘Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: He heard the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, raising his head from the last bowing in dawn prayer and saying: O Allah, curse so-and-so and so-and-so. Thereafter Allah revealed the verse: “You do not have any decision in the matter whether He will forgive them or punish them. Verily, they are oppressors. (3:128)” [2]
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would not abuse others, he would not use obscene words, and he would not curse others. If he wanted to admonish anyone of us, he used to say: What is wrong with him? His forehead is dusted![3]
From the above narration we understand that cursing was not something the Prophet (may peace and blessing be upon him) did, and the narration which you mention also had its own context.
Only Allāh Ta’ālā knows best
Written by Alimah Sabrina al-Faarsiyyah
Check and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
_______________________
[1] Lisān al-’Arab Vol.13 pg.387, Dār Sādir Beirut
واللَّعْنُ: الإِبْعادُ والطَّرْد مِنَ الْخَيْرِ، وَقِيلَ: الطَّرْد والإِبعادُ مِنَ اللَّهِ، وَمِنَ الخَلْق السَّبُّ والدُّعاء
[2] Sahīh al-Bukhārī: Vol.8 pg.83, Dār Tawq Najāh
وَقَالَ ابْنُ عُمَرَ: دَعَا النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ فِي الصَّلاَةِ: «اللَّهُمَّالعَنْ فُلاَنًا وَفُلاَنًا» حَتَّى أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ عَزَّ وَجَلَّ: {لَيْسَ لَكَ مِنَ الأَمْرِ شَيْءٌ} [آل عمران: ١٢٨]
[3] Sahīh al-Bukhārī: Vol.8 pg.13, no.6031, Dār Tawq Najāh
عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ قَالَ: لَمْ يَكُنِ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ سَبَّابًا، وَلاَ فَحَّاشًا، وَلاَ لَعَّانًا، كَانَ يَقُولُ لِأَحَدِنَا عِنْدَ المَعْتِبَةِ: «مَا لَهُ تَرِبَ جَبِينُهُ»
ِ
