Fatwa ID: 08649
Answered by: Maulana Abdurrahman Mohammad
Question:
I am a 22 year old boy with a you can say a problem that is I release Madhi (precum) too often whenever I watch something bad or read or something doesn’t do anything still there I see traces of Madhi (precum) in my underwater. And the problem is now that I have read about Hurmat Musahara few months ago I am in a dilemma I am refraining myself from touching any lady like mother, aunt etc I think that if I touch my mom for a little long time and I for some reason like (the fear of This Hurmat thing) my heart beats fast and tension arises on me.
If at that time I release precum for reason I have mentioned (as I have no bad feeling about her it’s disgusting even to think about your mom like that) will my mother and father will be in problem by this?? This whole thing is haunting me I have read elsewhere that Hurmat does not occur without lust but what do you mean by lust is releasing of mazi at that time count as lust or now?? Please answer with details.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Hurmatul Musāharah
Hurmatul Musāharah refers to in-law relationships where marriage is impermissible. Essentially, their Usūl (ascendants) and Furū’ (descendants) would become impermissible to marry.
(The second section: Prohibitions due to marriage). They are divided into four groups:
(The first) The wives’ mothers and their paternal and maternal grandmothers, no matter how high they are.
(The second) The wife’s daughters and her sons’ daughters, no matter how low they are, provided that the mother has been consummated with him …
(The third) The wife of the son, the son’s son, and the daughter’s son, no matter how low they are, regardless of whether the son has consummated the marriage with her or not. The wife of an adopted son is not forbidden to the adoptive father.
(Fourth) The wives of fathers and grandfathers on either the father’s or mother’s side, no matter how high up the line, are forbidden to them forever, both in marriage and sexual intercourse.
Touching with Lust
Hurmatul Musāharah is established by touching a woman with desire. When it comes to ascertaining Shahwah (desire), this is highly subjective and is something only the individual can determine. Usually, sexual desire/tension, erection, precum (Madhi), and ejaculation (Inzāl) are all signs of Shahwah. It is left to you to determine whether Shahwah took place or not.
Just as this prohibition is established by intercourse, it is also established by touching, kissing, and looking at the vagina [directly] with lust, as stated in Al-Dhakhira …
There is no difference in establishing the prohibition by touching, whether it is intentional, forgetful, forced, or by mistake. This is stated in Fath Al-Qadir.
Touching Relatives with Lust
Touching parents, grandparents, siblings, nieces/nephews does not establish Hurmatul Musāharah because they are already related to you by blood. Their Usūl (ascendants) and Furū’ (descendants) are the same as yours and are prohibited through blood. This poses a problem with aunts and non-blood-related women. By touching them with desire, it would be impermissible for you to marry that aunt’s (or that non-blood-related woman’s) daughters and mothers. Therefore, touching them should be avoided.
Controlling Sexual Desire
Sexual desire is a natural and essential part of human nature, but it may get out of control due to the sicknesses of the heart. It is critical to manage these temptations and desires according to Islamic teachings and focus on developing modesty, chastity, patience, and self-discipline. Islam also allows lawful channels for sexual expression within marriage. When someone seeks to lower their sexual desire, Islam offers both spiritual and practical approaches. Here are some solutions to help manage sexual desire:
- Seek Refuge in Allah and Make Dua
The first step in managing any temptation is to seek refuge in Allah (SWT). Regularly making dua to Allah SWT asking for help in controlling your desires. Request guidance from Him to stay on the right path and to find a way to overcome this challenge. Allah SWT is merciful and will always respond to sincere supplication. Trust in His wisdom, and know that He is the best guide and protector.
- Strengthen Your Iman and Increase Remembrance of Allah
One of the most effective ways to control any temptation is to increase your connection with Allah (SWT). Strengthening your faith through prayer (Salah), remembrance (Dhikr), and seeking knowledge is crucial. As your Iman increases, you become more mindful of Allah’s presence, which in turn helps you resist sinful urges. Remind yourself of the consequences of indulging in desires that lead you away from the right path.
- Consider Marriage as a Lawful Solution
Allah SWT has provided us with lawful means to deal with our temptations and desires. Through marriage, this problem may be resolved and your sexual desire will curb and subside. You will think of your wife instead of other women, and that would be more beneficial in protecting your Deen.
- Lower Your Gaze and Observe Modesty
One of the most effective ways to control sexual desire is to lower the gaze and avoid inappropriate temptations. Avoid looking at individuals and items that could arouse desire, whether in real life or online. Remove yourself from environments or situations that provoke sexual desire. Spiritual retreats, attending religious gatherings, or simply spending time away from social media can help cleanse the mind and heart.
- Physical Activity and Mental Engagement
Excessive sexual thoughts often arise from a lack of physical exertion or mental engagement. Engaging in sports, exercise, and outdoor activities not only helps maintain a healthy body but also distracts the mind from inappropriate thoughts. Channel your energy into productive activities like work, study, or hobbies, ensuring that you remain busy and occupied.
- Fasting and Diet
Fasting is highly recommended in Islam to help curb desires. While fasting during Ramadan is obligatory, fasting on additional days like Mondays and Thursdays is from the Sunnah and can help weaken sexual urges and promote self-control. Also, maintaining a healthy diet free from excessive sugars, processed foods, and heavy meats can help maintain physical and emotional balance. Cold showers or exposure to cold temperatures can also help reduce physical arousal.
- Seek Knowledge and Counseling
Seek advice from knowledgeable and trustworthy scholars or Islamic counselors who can guide you. Connecting with those who are experienced in Islamic knowledge and spirituality can help you manage your challenges. Having a mentor to hold you accountable can also help you stay focused and avoid temptations.
- Surround Yourself With Good Company
The people you associate with greatly influence your thoughts and behavior. Surround yourself with practicing, pious Muslims who uphold the values of modesty and self-restraint. Spending time in the company of scholars and righteous individuals will help strengthen your resolve. Additionally, frequenting the Masajid and attending Salāt in Jamā’ah will nourish your soul and shield you from negative influences.
- Practice Patience and Self-Control
Islam teaches us the value of patience (Sabr) and self-control (Taqwa). Develop the ability to resist the urges of the Nafs (ego) by gradually building your willpower. Engage in practices that train you to overcome desires, such as waking up for Tahajjud (night prayer), fasting, or setting challenging personal goals that require discipline and persistence.
- Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If your struggle with controlling sexual desires becomes overwhelming, do not hesitate to seek professional help. Consult with a doctor or therapist, especially if there are underlying psychological issues contributing to your desires. A professional can provide you with tools and strategies to address these challenges in a healthy and productive way.
References:
(الْقِسْمُ الثَّانِي الْمُحَرَّمَاتُ بِالصِّهْرِيَّةِ) . وَهِيَ أَرْبَعُ فِرَقٍ: (الْأُولَى) أُمَّهَاتُ الزَّوْجَاتِ وَجَدَّاتُهُنَّ مِنْ قِبَلِ الْأَبِ وَالْأُمِّ وَإِنْ عَلَوْنَ (وَالثَّانِيَةُ) بَنَاتُ الزَّوْجَةِ وَبَنَاتُ أَوْلَادِهَا وَإِنْ سَفَلْنَ بِشَرْطِ الدُّخُولِ بِالْأُمِّ…
(وَالثَّالِثَةُ) حَلِيلَةُ الِابْنِ وَابْنِ الِابْنِ وَابْنِ الْبِنْتِ وَإِنْ سَفَلُوا دَخَلَ بِهَا الِابْنُ أَمْ لَا. وَلَا تَحْرُمُ حَلِيلَةُ الِابْنِ الْمُتَبَنَّى عَلَى الْأَبِ الْمُتَبَنِّي هَكَذَا فِي مُحِيطِ السَّرَخْسِيِّ.
(وَالرَّابِعَةُ) نِسَاءُ الْآبَاءِ وَالْأَجْدَادِ مِنْ جِهَةِ الْأَبِ أَوْ الْأُمِّ وَإِنْ عَلَوْا فَهَؤُلَاءِ مُحَرَّمَاتٌ عَلَى التَّأْبِيدِ نِكَاحًا وَوَطْئًا
…
كَمَا تَثْبُتُ هَذِهِ الْحُرْمَةُ بِالْوَطْءِ تَثْبُتُ بِالْمَسِّ وَالتَّقْبِيلِ وَالنَّظَرِ إلَى الْفَرْجِ بِشَهْوَةٍ، كَذَا فِي الذَّخِيرَةِ.
…
ثُمَّ لَا فَرْقَ فِي ثُبُوتِ الْحُرْمَةِ بِالْمَسِّ بَيْنَ كَوْنِهِ عَامِدًا أَوْ نَاسِيًا أَوْ مُكْرَهًا أَوْ مُخْطِئًا، كَذَا فِي فَتْحِ الْقَدِيرِ.
(Al-Fatāwā Al-Hindiyyah, vol. 1, pg. 274, Al-Maṭba’ah Al-Kubrā Al-Amīriyyah)
Only Allah (عَزَّ وَ جَلَّ) knows best.
Written by Maulana Abdurrahman Mohammad
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
