Fatwa ID: 07048
Answered by: Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Question:
What is the manner in perusing a marriage proposal after topic of compatibly (kufu) has been discussed and agreed by both parties; building love/how many visits etc./how to find beauty?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
According to sharee’ah, a man who pursues a connection with a specific woman with the intention of proposing marriage must first meet her in person.
A companion, Al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah (RA) proposed to a woman and then our beloved Prophet (SAW) said:
انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا
“Go and look at her, for that is more likely to create love between you”. [Tirmidhi Hadeeth no: 1087]
After acknowledging compatibility and inclination towards one another, as described in the Hadeeth, there is no set number of visits necessary until you feel like it is time to get married.
And Imam Tirmidhi carries on further mentioning regarding the Hadeeth above:
لاَ بَأْسَ أَنْ يَنْظُرَ إِلَيْهَا مَا لَمْ يَرَ مِنْهَا مُحَرَّمًا
There’s no problem in seeing her as long as he does not look at her haram parts.
With regards to who is compatible for each other due to physical beauty etc. there is no black and white criteria in Islam.
Allah SWT mentions:
يٰۤاَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اِنَّا خَلَقۡنٰكُمۡ مِّنۡ ذَكَرٍ وَّاُنۡثٰى وَجَعَلۡنٰكُمۡ شُعُوۡبًا وَّقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوۡا ؕ اِنَّ اَكۡرَمَكُمۡ عِنۡدَ اللّٰهِ اَ تۡقٰٮكُمۡ ؕ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ عَلِيۡمٌ خَبِيۡرٌ
“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At‑Taqwa [i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon (the pious)]” [Surha Hujuraat verse 49]
وَالۡمُؤۡمِنُوۡنَ وَالۡمُؤۡمِنٰتُ بَعۡضُهُمۡ اَوۡلِيَآءُ بَعۡضٍۘ يَاۡمُرُوۡنَ بِالۡمَعۡرُوۡفِ وَيَنۡهَوۡنَ عَنِ الۡمُنۡكَرِ وَيُقِيۡمُوۡنَ الصَّلٰوةَ وَيُؤۡتُوۡنَ الزَّكٰوةَ وَيُطِيۡعُوۡنَ اللّٰهَ وَرَسُوۡلَهٗ
“The believers, men and women, are Awliyaa’ (helpers, supporters, friends, protectors) of one another, they enjoin good, forbid evil, establish prayers, give charity and obey Allah and his messenger”. [Surah Tawbah verse 71]
Our beloved prophet (SAW) has mentioned:
إِذَا جَاءَكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَأَنْكِحُوهُ
If someone comes to you with a faith and character that you like, marry him. [Tirmidhi Hadeeth no: 1085]
Regardless of the woman’s socioeconomic standing, a guy is compatible with her if his religious commitment and character are endearing. This is the primary tenet and guideline of the faith. To evaluate whether he is suitable to marry someone of a greater social rank than himself, each suitor’s condition must be examined. However, this may be the case in some cases.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
