Fatwa ID: 07458

Answered by: Alimah Saleha Bukhari Islam

Question:

I am in the process of getting married and unfortunately, my father has stated that we can do nikah but are not able to sleep together until my spouse finds a flat.

Is it permissible for me to sleep with my husband in secret after doing the Nikah with him? Is it permissible for me to go against what was originally agreed with my father once I’m married?

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:

To honour one’s parents and treat them with kindness and respect, and to seek their permission and approval for marriage is a praiseworthy act for a Muslim. Acts such as this play a part in nurturing and keeping family relationships harmonious as you have demonstrated. 

In Islam, the marriage contract (Nikah) is described as a contract which refers to the possession of enjoyment by intention. The Nikah is concluded with the intent to earn the husband and wife the right to sexual enjoyment of each other in the sacred relationship of marriage. [Al Fatawa Al Hindiyya: V1, p 267]  

There is no valid Shariah reason for their obstruction, however, they are looking out for your best interests and trying to protect you. They may fear that if you engage in sexual intercourse with your husband, the marriage may be affected negatively. It is advisable to speak to your parents, perhaps to your mother alone and discuss in more detail and explain the matter.  

Allah ﷻ says in the Quran:

“Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.”

Technically, you and your husband are permitted to engage in sexual relations due to the marriage contract being finalised. However, the issue is more about you as a couple disagreeing with your parent’s stipulating rules for living separately.

This is usually a cultural consideration more than an Islamic view. However, if you can adhere to this out of respect for your parents then it would help to settle the matter as it is a temporary measure until your potential spouse finds a flat. Otherwise, it may be worth thinking about moving in together, perhaps he can live with your family temporarily or perhaps you can wait for him to find a flat before committing to marriage.

لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكْرَهُوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَهُوَ خَيْرٌۭ لَّكُمْ ۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّوا۟ شَيْـًۭٔا وَهُوَ شَرٌّۭ لَّكُمْ ۗ وَٱللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ وَأَنتُمْ لَا تَعْلَمُونَ ٢١٦

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Alimah Saleha Bukhari Islam

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham