Fatwa ID: 08650
Answered by: Maulana Nuski Cassim
Question:
I would like to ask that recently my wife made some false DV allegations and she included my children in that that I abused them (Astaghfirullah) I love my children dearly and they’re the world to me.
The case is ongoing and i’m very hopeful that insha’Allah the result will be the truth but in the meantime she is claiming child maintenance from me and also not letting see my children. I miss my children dearly but can’t see them.
Please shed some light in these two regards as what does Islam say that whether I should keep her (I don’t trust her now) or should I divorce her and also with regards to not letting a father see his own children.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Barring either parent from seeing their children is a grave sin in Islam. Your query mentions three things:
- Maintenance of one’s children.
2. Whether or not you should divorce your wife.
3. Not letting a father see his own children.
The answers are as follows:
- Maintenance of the children are upon the father. This maintenance covers food, clothing, medication and shelter. Maintenance of the children, Islamically, until they reach the age of puberty whereby there are now able to earn. However, there are some situations wherein the father is still responsible for the maintenance of his children post-puberty.
- When trust is lost in a marriage, it becomes very hard to regain or repair that lost trust. In addition to this lost trust, your predicament seems to be exacerbated by false domestic abuse allegations. With this said, the decision to divorce your wife or keep her rests entirely with you. Our recommendation would be to pray on this issue and seek Allah’s guidance. Moreover, speak with the elders of the family (from both sides) as well as a local scholar. Once you gain a great deal of clarity, only then should you act upon a decision.
- As mentioned at the beginning, it is a grave sin for both the father and the mother to prevent their children from seeing each respective parent—in the case of divorce or otherwise. If your inability to see them is rooted in a legal ongoing investigation whereby you’ve been given clear orders to stay away from your children, then our stance is that you remain patient till the investigation is completed and a ruling has been issued. If this is not the case, and the domestic violence accusations are false, then your wife is committing a major sin by preventing you from seeing the children. She is to allow you your right in seeing them as frequently as you please. If she feels uncomfortable, she can have an adult male mahram present during your visits.
I’d like to add that outside of a court decision, Islamically, the mother [in the case of divorce] has the right to child custody up until a certain period. If the child is a son, then she has the right of custody until he is 7 years old. And if the child is a daughter, then she has the right of custody until she is 9 years old.
Nonetheless, even after this period, the mother will not be prevented from seeing her children.
References:
والنفقة على الأب على ما نذكر ولا تُجبر الأمّ عليه لأنها عست تعجز عن الحِضانة
[الهداية شرح بداية المبتدي، باب الولد من أحق به، صفحة ٢٨٣، دار إحياء التراث العربي]
ونفقة الأولاد الصغار على الأب، لا يشاركه فيها أحد، كما لا يشاركه في نفقة الزوجة أحد
[مختصر القدوري، كتاب النفقة، صفحة ٦٥٢، مكتبة البشرى]
“والرجل راعي أهلِ بيتِه وهو مسؤول عنهم”
[صحيح ابن حبان، رقم الحديث ٤٤٩١]
إن لم يبلغ حدّ الكسب، فإن بلغه كان للأب أن يؤجره أو يدفعه في حرفة ليكتسب ويُنفق عليه من كسْبه لو كان ذكرا، بخلاف الأنثى كما قدمه في الحضانة عن المُؤيدية قال الخير الرملي: لو استغنت الأنثى بنحو خِياطَة وغزْل يجب أن تكون نفقتها في كسْبها كما هو ظاهر، ولا نقول تجب على الأب مع ذلك، إلاّ إذا كان لا يكفيها فتجب على الأب كفايتها بدفع القدر المعجوز عنه
[رد المختار، باب النفقة، صفحة ٣٤٥، مكتبة رشيدية]
وإذا وقعت الفرقة بين الزوجين فالأمّ أحقّ بالولد
[مختصر القدوري، كتاب النفقة، صفحة ٦٥٣، مكتبة البشرى]
والأمّ والجدّة أحقّ بالغلام حتى يأكل وحده ويشربَ وحده ويلبس وحده ويستنجي وحده وبالجارية حتى تحيضَ
[مختصر القدوري، كتاب النفقة، صفحة ٦٥٤، مكتبة البشرى]
قال في ”الهداية”: ووجهُه أنه إذا استغنى يحتاج إلى التأْديب والتخلُّق بآداب الرجال وأخلاقهم، والأب أقدر على التأْديب والتثقيف، والخصاف قدَّر الاستغناء بسبع سنين؛ اعتبارا للغالب.
وهما أحق بالجارية حتّى تحيض أي تبلغ؛ لان بعد الاستغناء تحتاج إلى معرفة آداب النساء، والمرأة على ذلك أقدَر. وبعد البلوغ تحتاج إلى التحصين والحفظ، والأب فيه أقوى وأهدى.
ومن سوى الأمّ والجدة ممن لها الحضانة أحقّ بالجارية حتىّ تبلغ حدا تُشتهى، وقُدِّر بتسع
[اللباب في شرح الكتاب، كتاب النفقات، صفحة ٣٩٤، مكتبة البشرى]
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Nuski Cassim
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
