Fatwa ID: 07513
Answered by: Aalimah Saleha Bukhari Islam
Question:
I am in the process of getting married, I have got to know the woman and everything was fine until about a week ago. All of a sudden it seems like she doesn’t like me anymore or there’s external influence as it also seems she’s drifting away from her deen. Other than istikhara, is there any special dua etc I could use for guidance?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Wa alaikum as salām wa rahmatullāhi wa barakātuh,
Marriage today has become a challenging feat for Muslims due to modern day influences and losing sight of Islamic values. Alhamdulillah, you are in the process of trying to get married.
According to the sunnah of our Prophet ﷺ, meeting a prospective spouse and checking criterions of compatibility and ensuring there’s some mutual attraction allows for the nurturing of a marital relationship. In Islam, getting to know a woman is usually left for when marriage takes place between two people. Meeting and getting to know a little about each other prior to marriage is kept to a minimum. However, marriage is encouraged without delay when two people like each other.
If you are experiencing indifference from this woman after having got to know her then it’s possible that she may be looking for a show of commitment from you or she may have changed her mind. Often when too much time is spent on getting to know each other or planning a wedding, it can happen that the prospective spouses lose interest or become cold feet.
The reality of life is that one does not always get what one wishes for, and there is divine wisdom behind this. Allah ﷻ says:
{‘You may dislike something although it is good for you, or like something although it is bad for you: God knows, and you do not.’} [Quran, 2:216]
We advise you to continue to seek guidance from Allah ﷻ by performing Istikhara, as by doing so, in sha Allah you will receive guidance possibly through a vision of a dream or a sign or a gut feeling of whether this relationship will be beneficial for you or not. You may also pray Tahajjud salah (in the last third of the night, just before Fajr) and ask Allah ﷻ to place good in this relationship for you.
Generally, making supplication to ask Allah ﷻ for guidance and good in all our affairs is a practice we should make a habit of.
There is a unique supplication mentioned in the Quran:
Transliteration: (“Rabbi inni lima anzalta ilayya min khairin faqir)
Translation: {“O my Lord, truly I am in desperate need of whatever good that You bestow on me.”} [Surah Al-Qasas, 24]
It is a specific supplication made by Prophet Musa (as) when he arrived in the city of Madyan. Through this supplication, Prophet Musa (as) expressed his need and dependency on Allah ﷻ. His prayer was a request for help and sustenance and Allah ﷻ accepted his supplication and granted him shelter with a family. Thereafter, he was also granted a marriage to one of the daughters of the family.
Through this supplication, one can ask for Allah’s help, sustenance, and goodness. It teaches us to be patient and reliant on Allah ﷻ.
وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تَكۡرَهُواْ شَيۡـٔٗا وَهُوَ خَيۡرٞ لَّكُمۡۖ وَعَسَىٰٓ أَن تُحِبُّواْ شَيۡـٔٗا وَهُوَ شَرّٞ لَّكُمۡۚ وَٱللَّهُ يَعۡلَمُ وَأَنتُمۡ لَا تَعۡلَمُونَ
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنْزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Aalimah Saleha Bukhari Islam
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
