Fatwa ID: 08101

Answered by: Maulana Nuski Cassim

Question:

I had met this girl online and we talked for a while and I am now 16 and she is 15. Since last year, her dad started to do many things to her while she is asleep or pretending to sleep. She is a light sleeper, and he has done some really messed up things to her, things she doesn’t know about at all. She is hurt and really needs help. For me, I am turning 17 and I am moving close to her, and I have the intention of marrying her and taking her out of her father’s life forever. I have to admit that we are in some way in an online relationship, and we both want to get married. The only people who know about what he has done are me and her brother. Her brother is 2 years younger than her and is now coming up to being 14 years old. She can’t tell anyone in her family about anything because foster care has things like this happen in it a lot in her area, as it happened with some of her cousins, and they sued them, but it still happens. She just lives with it, and I help her get by, and she really needs me. I have made plans to do everything I can to help her, but I need to get married to her because we would need to live in the same house after I face her dad. But I know her dad isn’t her wali anymore. We can’t tell her uncles because they would take her to foster care, and her siblings will make it happen as the same thing and even worse. Her grandparents are all passed away. Does her brother count as a wali in that way? What can she do to stop this if there was even a way? Because we tried so many things, and the only way she is able to stay safe is to stay up until late late late at night at 3 am, then go to sleep. Because of the time difference, I have been only sleeping 2 hours a day to help her.

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Firstly, you are to stop all communications with this sister as this is not something permissible either.

Inform your parents of your desire to marry this sister [when legally allowed] and have the sister inform her mahram relative of you so that they may get the process of nikah going—all the while addressing the main issue first and foremostly.

A question that comes to mind is, why is she informing you of these serious indecencies and not someone like her mother? Where is the mother in all of this?

If what is being related to us is indeed true, then this is not something which should be kept under the rug or ignored. She is to inform either her mother or another adult mahram such as her uncles that can help address this issue in a civil and appropriate manner. Such a person should ascertain the reality of the situation and act accordingly, and in the case where what is being said proves to be true, should provide separate housing/lodging whilst the ordeal is being handled.

The fear of foster care is no excuse to keep this situation hidden as more than likely the adults of her family can resolve this issue without third parties getting involved.

She really needing you is a fallacy—there is very little that you can do for her online—most of which is sinful. Furthermore, you not encouraging her to inform her mother, or another adult relative, is in no way help at all.[1]

Her local Imam or Mufti should also be made aware of this situation and be asked to intervene as a brief fatwa from us cannot do justice to the situation.

The abovementioned points are what she can do to stop this situation and seek out resolution.

As for her father no longer remaining her wali due to ‘doing messed up things’, we would need more information as no clear information has been given to us—the rules of hurmatul-musaharah can be quite intricate and detailed.[2]

Either have her personally submit the details of the matter to us or mention them to her local Mufti.

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Maulana Nuski Cassim
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham  

[1] مَنْ رَأَى مِنْكُمْ مُنْكَرًا فَلْيُغَيِّرْهُ بِيَدِهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِلِسَانِهِ فَإِنْ لَمْ يَسْتَطِعْ فَبِقَلْبِهِ وَذَلِكَ أَضْعَفُ الْإِيمَانِ
[صحيح مسلم، كتاب الإيمان، رقم الحديث: ٤٩]  

[2] ولو مس ظفرها بشهوة تثبت، كذا في الخلاصة. ثم المس إنما يوجب حرمة المصاهرة إذا لم يكن بينهما ثوب، أما إذا كان بينهما ثوب فإن كان صفيقا لا يجد الماس حرارة الممسوس لا تثبت حرمة المصاهرة 1 وإن انتشرت آلته بذلك وإن كان رقيقا بحيث تصل حرارة الممسوس إلى يده تثبت، كذا في الذخيرة 2
إذا قبل الرجل المرأة وبينهما ثوب فإن كان يجد برد الثنايا أو برد الشفة فهو تقبيل ولمس، كذا في المحيط، والدوام على المس ليس بشرط لثبوت الحرمة
كذا تشترط الشهوة في الذكر
[الفتاوى الهندية، كتاب النكاح، ج. ١، صفحة ٣٠٣، دار الكتب العلمية]