Fatwa ID: 06084
Answered by: Alimah Sofia Mirza
Question:
I have a few questions regarding interactions within the family as we are not adequately educated.
Firstly how should we greet women in our family, often when greeting we shake hands and hug and sometimes even receive a kiss on the cheek or a peck on the lips (sealed lips/no saliva)
Also when getting together sometimes they wear low neck tops/dresses which expose a big part of the chest and sometimes even thin and light clothing without a bra. This is very inappropriate and at times my gaze falls there as they sit or bend down. These situations are hard to avoid as in the family home due to space we are always intermingled. How can I stop this as I know this is wrong? Do I need to stop all interactions with my family?
It is time for me to get married soon and I want to marry someone who is practising/wears hijab etc., but my family disapproves and wants someone ‘modern’ and more westernised. How can I change their mind on this matter?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Firstly, it is not permissible to touch another woman who is not your Mahram or look at her unnecessarily even if they are within the family like cousins or in-laws. Touching the hands or limbs should be avoided unless they are very elderly by which there is no lust from both sides but even then, it should be avoided.1 If they are your mahram such as your aunty or sister it will be permissible to shake their hand or kiss their cheek out of affection if there is no fear of lust or corruption.
Secondly, a woman should not be wearing too tight clothes that are stuck to the figure or see-through clothing or revealing clothing even if it is in front of the mahram like brothers.2 If the women are wearing appropriate clothing and sometimes due to working or moving around the body gets exposed in some areas it is best to lower your gaze instead of not mixing within the family or tell them kindly if it is appropriate.
Thirdly the best method to explain to your family would be through communicating with them and explaining to them the reasons for which making duaa.
Only Allah knows best
Written by Alimah Sofia Mirza
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
1 Raddul Muhtaar, Darul Fikr Beirut. Vol 6, Pg.368
وَإِنْ كَانَتْ عَجُوزًا لَا تَشْتَهِي، فَلَا بَأْسَ بِمُصَافَحَتِهَا أَوْ مَسِّ يَدِهَا، وَكَذَلِكَ إذَا كَانَ شَيْخًا يَأْمَنُ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ وَعَلَيْهَا فَلَا بَأْسَ أَنْ يُصَافِحَهَا وَإِنْ كَانَ لَا يَأْمَنُ عَلَى نَفْسِهِ أَوْ عَلَيْهَا فَلْيَجْتَنِبْ، ثُمَّ إنَّ مُحَمَّدًا أَبَاحَ الْمَسَّ لِلرَّجُلِ إذَا كَانَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ عَجُوزًا وَلَمْ يَشْتَرِطْ كَوْنَ الرَّجُلِ بِحَالٍ لَا يُجَامِعُ مِثْلُهُ، وَفِيمَا إذَا كَانَ الْمَاسُّ هِيَ الْمَرْأَةُ فَإِنْ كَانَا كَبِيرَيْنِ لَا يُجَامِعُ مِثْلُهُ، وَلَا يُجَامَعُ مِثْلُهَا فَلَا بَأْسَ بِالْمُصَافَحَةِ فَلْيُتَأَمَّلْ عِنْدَ الْفَتْوَى
2 Ibid, Pg. 366
مُفَادُهُ أَنَّ رُؤْيَةَ الثَّوْبِ بِحَيْثُ يَصِفُ حَجْمَ الْعُضْوِ مَمْنُوعَةٌ وَلَوْ كَثِيفًا لَا تُرَى الْبَشَرَةُ مِنْهُ، قَالَ فِي الْمُغْرِبِ يُقَالُ مَسِسْت الْحُبْلَى، فَوَجَدْت حَجْمَ الصَّبِيَّ فِي بَطْنِهَا وَأَحْجَمَ الثَّدْيُ عَلَى نَحْرِ الْجَارِيَةِ إذَا نَهَزَ، وَحَقِيقَتُهُ صَارَ لَهُ حَجْمٌ أَيْ نُتُوٌّ وَارْتِفَاعٌ وَمِنْهُ قَوْلُهُ حَتَّى يَتَبَيَّنَ حَجْمُ عِظَامِهَا اهـ وَعَلَى هَذَا لَا يَحِلُّ النَّظَرُ إلَى عَوْرَةِ غَيْرِهِ فَوْقَ ثَوْبٍ مُلْتَزِقٍ بِهَا يَصِفُ حَجْمَهَا فَيُحْمَلُ مَا مَرَّ عَلَى مَا إذَا لَمْ يَصِفْ حَجْمَهَا فَلْيُتَأَمَّلْ
