If a Person’s Mum Tells the Son To Do Something, but the Dad Says Don’t Do It, Which One of Them Should He Obey?

CategoriesMiscellaneous [684]

Fatwa ID: 05694

 

Answered by: Maulana Syed Johir Miah

 

Question:

 

If a person’s mom tells the son to do something, but the dad says don’t do it, which one of them should he obey?

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

Allah (عز و جل)says in the Quran

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚإِمَّايَبْلُغَنَّعِندَكَالْكِبَرَأَحَدُهُمَاأَوْكِلَاهُمَافَلَاتَقُللَّهُمَاأُفٍّوَلَاتَنْهَرْهُمَاوَقُللَّهُمَاقَوْلًاكَرِيمًا ﴿23﴾وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا ﴿24﴾

Your Lord has decreed that you shall not worship anyone except Him, and [He has enjoined] kindness to parents. Should any of them or both reach old age at your side, do not say to them, ‘Fie!’ And do not chide them, but speak to them noble words. Lower the wing of humility to them, mercifully, and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them, just as they reared me when I was (a) small (child)’(Surah Israa, Verse 23)

 

Furthermore, Allah (عز و جل)says in the Quran

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ ﴿14﴾

We have enjoined man concerning his parents: His mother carried him through weakness upon weakness, and his weaning takes two years. Give thanks to Me and to your parents. To Me is the return.

(Surah Luqman, Verse 14)

 

Also, Sayyiduna Abu Hurairah( رضى الله عنه ) have said that Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم) said,

 

رَغِمَ أنْفُ، ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أنْفُ، ثُمَّ رَغِمَ أنْفُ»، قِيلَ: مَن؟ يا رَسُولَ اللهِ قالَ: «مَن أدْرَكَ أبَوَيْهِ عِنْدَ الكِبَرِ، أحَدَهُما أوْ كِلَيْهِما فَلَمْ يَدْخُلِ الجَنَّةَ

“May his face be rubbed in sand/dirt (three times), that person who finds one or both his parents during their old age, and this is not a means for him entering Jannah. [1]

 

Likewise, Sayyiduna Abdullah Bin Aas( رضى الله عنهما )narrated that

أقْبَلَ رَجُلٌ إلى نَبِيِّ اللهِ ﷺ فَقالَ: أُبايِعُكَ عَلى الهِجْرَةِ والجِهادِ، أبْتَغِي الأجْرَ مِنَ اللهِ، قالَ: «فَهَلْ مِن والِدَيْكَ أحَدٌ حَيٌّ؟» قالَ: نَعَمْ، بَلْ كِلاهُما، قالَ: «فَتَبْتَغِي الأجْرَ مِنَ اللهِ؟» قالَ: نَعَمْ، قالَ: «فارْجِعْ إلى والِدَيْكَ فَأحْسِنْ صُحْبَتَهُما

A man came to Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)and said, “(O Nabi of Allah (سبحانه و تعالى)) I make a pledge of allegiance to you upon Hijrah(migration) and Jihad, and for this, I seek reward from Allah.” Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)asked him, “Are any of your parents alive?” He said, “Yes, both of them.” Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)asked him, “Do you wish to gain reward from Allah?” He replied, “Yes.” Then Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)said, “Return to your parents and live with them in an excellent manner”.[2]

 

Sayyiduna Abu Bakra( رضى الله عنه ) narrated that  Allah’s Apostle said thrice,

ألاَ أُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِأكْبَرِ الكَبائِرِ» قُلْنا: بَلى يا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ، قالَ: «الإشْراكُ بِاللَّهِ، وعُقُوقُ الوالِدَيْنِ، وكانَ مُتَّكِئًا فَجَلَسَ فَقالَ: ألاَ وقَوْلُ الزُّورِ، وشَهادَةُ الزُّورِ، ألاَ وقَوْلُ الزُّورِ، وشَهادَةُ الزُّورِ» فَما زالَ يَقُولُها، حَتّى قُلْتُ: لاَ يَسْكُتُ

“Shall I not inform you of the biggest of the great sins?” We said, “Yes, O Allah’s Apostle(صلى الله عليه وسلم)” He said, “To join partners in worship with Allah: to be undutiful to one’s parents.” The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)sat up after he had been reclining and added, “And I warn you against giving forged statement and a false witness; I warn you against giving a forged statement and a false witness.” The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وسلم)kept on saying that warning till we thought that he would not stop.[3]

 

A Muslim is commanded to treat his parents kindly and respectfully in all permissible matters.

 

You should not submit to the unjust demands of your parents, and you should respectfully decline.

 

Whichever one of the parents commands you to do good, you obey them and as for the one who commands you to do an inappropriate or evil action, you disobey them in a respectful manner.

 

If however, they both command you to do evil, you do not obey any of them. And as for both parents commanding you of a good, you obey them both.

 

In the aforementioned case, if the commanding parent is telling you to do good and the other parent prohibits you from it, then you obey the obeying parent.

 

Nevertheless, if the commanding parent is telling you to do bad and the other parent prohibits you from it, then you obey the prohibiting parent.

 

 

Only Allah knows best

Written by Maulana Syed Johir Miah

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

[1] Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2551, 1978/4, Dar IhyatTurath, Beirut, Lebanon. 1412 H.

 

[2] Sahih Bukhari, Hadith number 5749, 4/8, Dar Tuqin Najah, First edition 2001. 1422 H.

 

[3] Sahih Bukhari, Hadith number 5976, 4/8, Dar Tuqin Najah, First edition 2001. 1422 H.

 

 

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