Fatwa ID: 08175
Answered by:
Maulana Kawsar Ahmed
Question:
Assalamualaikum sheikh,
I am a Muslim student — about 21 — studying at a German university in Hamburg, originally from Bangladesh. I try to adhere to the rulings of Islam as far as I can. I don’t have any intention to live in Germany forever, in sha Allah.
For many months, I have been trying to get married. However, I am fazed about where to marry — namely, in my home country or in Germany.
The main problem with marrying in my home country is that it takes a lot of time to bring my wife back to Germany — sometimes even 3–4 years, with a minimum of 2.5 years. Based on the experience of seniors who got married in Bangladesh and couldn’t bring their wives to Germany till now, some highly discourage marrying in Bangladesh because of this long waiting time, since it is really tough to keep oneself chaste after having experience.
On the other hand, marrying in Germany is also tough for me, since I don’t know many people here, and none of my family members live here. The mahr for marriage is also too high — higher than zina. Also, most of the Muslim girls (mostly from Turkey and Syria) that came under my eyes unintentionally are very much affected with free mixing and other haram activities while wearing hijabs. I want someone who is free from all of these fitnahs (as I also try to avoid all haram), who wears niqab covering the face and is attached to the deen.
I also have a fascination with Arabs (although I don’t know Arabic or German, only English), since I want my children to speak Arabic and understand the word of Allah. Is that a wrong fascination? In sha Allah, I don’t have any intention to live in this kuffar land my whole life.
Could you please guide me in this matter? What should I do and what would be best for me? How can I get married in the West, and how do I look for a righteous spouse?
If I see somebody at university — for example — and approach them in a halal way, would it be sinful, since I don’t have any female mahram living here with me or whom I know?
Secondly, I have also received two proposals from girls in my country through my parents, but I am not putting in much effort based on the aforementioned circumstances. Is it permissible in Islam to deal with more than one marriage proposal at the same time as a man?
I want a detailed explanation and guidance from your side.
جزاك الله خيرا
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Firstly, it is important to realise that marriage is an important aspect of the faith and it completes and complements the faith of an individual. Also, it is from the Islamic teachings that a person strives to get married as long as they are physically, financially, and mentally prepared and capable of fulfilling the responsibilities of a good spouse.[1] It is also part of human nature for a young male or female to be keen and interested in getting married.
As for marrying a woman for certain good qualities that she may possess, such as wearing proper, modest Islamic attire — then without a doubt, this is something that should be sought after. However, it is important to note that no woman will be totally perfect and sinless. Every woman will have her own shortcomings and weaknesses, which is natural and not necessarily a reason to avoid marrying her.
Rather, the Islamic guideline is that if a person is generally Islamic-minded and puts their religion first, and they are someone whom you are attracted to and feel compatible with,[2] then once you find such an individual, you shouldn’t delay much further in pursuing her as a potential marriage prospect.
As for those things which can be considered a bonus, like being from a certain background or speaking a certain language — this can and should also be considered in moderation. However, these shouldn’t be the ultimate reason why you choose to marry or not marry an individual. Rather, the main factor you should consider when looking for a spouse is their religiosity and relationship with Islam.
So in your current situation, my advice would be to look for someone who lives in the same city or country that you are currently studying in, so that you may be able to get married sooner rather than later. The way that you should conduct your search is that whenever you do come across a woman that you want to engage with or find out more about, you simply request from her that she puts you into contact with her father or any other male mahram family member of hers, who can facilitate lawful and monitored interaction with the woman you are interested in.
It is not a condition for you to involve a female family member from your side for this.
There is also no harm in exploring different proposals at any one given time because you have not legally entered into a marriage contract.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by:
Maulana Kawsar Ahmed
Checked and approved by:
Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
عَنْ عَائِشَةَ قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ النِّكَاحُ مِنْ سُنَّتِي فَمَنْ لَمْ يَعْمَلْ بِسُنَّتِي فَلَيْسَ مِنِّي وَتَزَوَّجُوا فَإِنِّي مُكَاثِرٌ بِكُمْ الْأُمَمَ وَمَنْ كَانَ ذَا طَوْلٍ فَلْيَنْكِحْ وَمَنْ لَمْ يَجِدْ فَعَلَيْهِ بِالصِّيَامِ فَإِنَّ الصَّوْمَ لَهُ وِجَاءٌ
1846 سنن ابن ماجه كتاب النكاح باب ما جاء في فضل النكاح
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لِأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَلِجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ
4802 صحيح البخاري كتاب النكاح باب الأكفاء في الدين
1466 صحيح مسلم كتاب الرضاع باب استحباب نكاح ذات الدين
