Fatwa ID: 08027
Question: Assalamu Alaikum Sheikh,
We grew up experiencing discipline through hiding and shouting, which is common among many parents. Is there any basis in the Shariah for gentle parenting or the different names people use nowadays?
بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer: Wa alaikumus salaam
Islam portrays gentleness and kindness. Even in the life of Our Nabi, he was an embodiment of good character. The incident of Hzt Anas (RA), he said: “I served the Prophet for ten years, and he never said to me, ‘Uf’ (a minor harsh word denoting impatience) and never blamed me by saying, ‘Why did you do so or why didn’t you do so?'”
This is the greatest example we can find and the best model to emulate. Raising children is hard, but it has to be done with love and care. Anger, shouting, and hitting were never the way.
It is mentioned in a hadith: “He who is deprived of tenderly feelings is in fact deprived of good, and he who is deprived of tenderly feelings is in fact deprived of good.”
However, at times children must be disciplined, and the laws of Allah cannot be compromised. As per the advice in the hadith: “Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old.”
Therefore, it is important to set a good example, provide children with proper upbringing, and make dua for them.
Hope this answers the question.
Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by: Maulana Abdoullah Limvoonheek Checked and approved by: Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah Darul Ifta Birmingham
Reference:
Sahih Bukhari Hadith 6038 قَالَ سَمِعْتُ ثَابِتًا، يَقُولُ حَدَّثَنَا أَنَسٌ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ خَدَمْتُ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم عَشْرَ سِنِينَ، فَمَا قَالَ لِي أُفٍّ. وَلاَ لِمَ صَنَعْتَ وَلاَ أَلاَّ صَنَعْتَ.
Sahih Muslim Hadith 2592 قَالَ سَمِعْتُ جَرِيرَ بْنَ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، يَقُولُ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ مَنْ حُرِمَ الرِّفْقَ حُرِمَ الْخَيْرَ أَوْ مَنْ يُحْرَمِ الرِّفْقَ يُحْرَمِ الْخَيْرَ ”
Sunan Abi Dawood Hadith 495 عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ شُعَيْبٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ جَدِّهِ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ مُرُوا أَوْلاَدَكُمْ بِالصَّلاَةِ وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ سَبْعِ سِنِينَ وَاضْرِبُوهُمْ عَلَيْهَا وَهُمْ أَبْنَاءُ عَشْرِ سِنِينَ وَفَرِّقُوا بَيْنَهُمْ فِي الْمَضَاجِعِ ”
