Fatwa ID: 04786 

Answered by: Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Question

Salam, I am confused I am reading Ishikhara and don’t understand can you please help me, I’ve been married nearly 6 years and I have mashallah 3 kids my marriage is on the breaking point, we have been separated a year now and I have so much hate 4 him and don’t want him back but he wants me back, I don’t want to let my family down but if I go back to him I’m not going to be happy please can you help me, sometimes I just want to die and be away from all this. 

In the name of Allah, the Most Beneficent, the Most Merciful.

Answer

Imam An-Nawawi has said, “After performing the istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do; otherwise, he is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah’s power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah’s choice means that one should completely leave what he himself had desired or determined.” (Fiqhus Sunnah: 2.32) 

After performing istikarah the person will (Insha Allah) get guidance from Allah and be inclined towards what is right. It is not necessary that it is seen in a dream or even as a vision while awake. The individual will just feel what is right and should then go on to do the task or make the decision. 

As a scholar, I don’t like to encourage Muslim brothers or sisters to initiate a separation or divorce from their spouses. It is reported from Sayyidina Ibn-Umar (RA) that The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said: “In the sight of Allah (SWA), the worst of all halal (lawful) acts is talaq.” (Sunan Ibn Majah p146 v.1)

The permissibility of issuing a divorce has been granted only in very extreme and severe cases because it causes separation and breakups between two families. Furthermore, for future generations, it leaves bitter tastes for all to bear. (The Complete System of Divorce, p.31)

My humble advice regarding your situation will do pray the Istikharah salah and also speak to your family members who know what is happening with your marriage and whatever you feel in your heart do that. Insha Allah what you feel will be guidance from Allah (SWA) to deal with this difficult situation in your life. 

Only Allah Knows Best

Written by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham