Fatwa ID: 06148
Answered by: Maulana Mohammed Dilwar Hussain
Question:
I am seeking some advice/guidance on a matter which is causing a lot of problems for my mental well-being due to anxiety. I would be very grateful if you could reply to my message.
My wife and I have been married for nearly 3 years Alhamdulillah. Just over a year ago, we had some marital issues and family from both sides became involved. This family involvement caused damage to relations between families and my relations with my wife s family. My wife and I decided to commit to marriage and give it a go. We still have our problems but continue to try.
However, one issue I am struggling with is that my wife asks me to have better communication and relations with her parents and siblings when visiting their house. I have been taking this on board and have been trying. However, whenever I am around my wife’s siblings they always seem to have a negative look on their face, avoid eye contact, barely sit when I am in the room, and talk very little. There are 6 of my wife’s siblings who behave like this. This makes me feel very uneasy, awkward and degrading. My wife says it because of the vibe I give. I have suggested to my wife well if that is the case I am happy to speak to your siblings about this in order to overcome any misunderstandings of any vibes I give and look to clear the air in a calm manner. However, my wife has said she does not want this and if I do this then I should be prepared for an outcome that I won’t like. I am really struggling with this matter and would be very grateful for some advice/guidance.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Allāh Ta’ālā has said in the Noble Quran, “Fear Allah in whose name you ask each other (for your rights), and fear (the violation of the rights of) the family ties. Surely, Allah is watchful over you.” [Surah An-Nisa; 4:1] [1]
The Prophet ﷺ said, “Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should serve his guest generously; and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should unite the bond of kinship (i.e. keep good relation with his kith and kin); and whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, should talk what is good or keep quiet.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari; Hadith 6138] [2]
Allah’s Apostle said, “Whoever loves that he be granted more wealth and that his lease of life is prolonged then he should keep good relations with his Kith and kin.” [Sahih Al-Bukhari; Hadith 2067, 5985, 5986] [3]
There are dozens more narrations emphasizing the importance of maintaining good family ties and the immense reward in it.
“Allah’s Messenger ﷺ would face directly with the worst of people, thereby winning their hearts. He used to do the same with me, so that I thought I was the best of the people… [Shama’il Muhammadiyah; Hadith 343] [4]
The Prophet ﷺ met the worst of peoples in the best of manners. Through his perfect character and traits, softened their hearts and bought them towards Islam. These are lessons for us to take on how we can be sociable with one another. Through perseverance and endurance while maintaining patience and making dua, In Shaa Allāh, Allāh will make it easier for you. Whatever barrier has gone up, over time that should soften up.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Mohammed Dilwar Hussain
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
[1]يَٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ ٱتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ ٱلَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفۡس وَٰحِدَة وَخَلَقَ مِنۡهَا زَوۡجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنۡهُمَا رِجَالا كَثِيرا وَنِسَآءۚ وَٱتَّقُواْ ٱللَّهَ ٱلَّذِي تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِۦ وَٱلۡأَرۡحَامَۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيۡكُمۡ رَقِيبا{
[2]حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ مُحَمَّدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامٌ، أَخْبَرَنَا مَعْمَرٌ، عَنِ الزُّهْرِيِّ، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ مَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيُكْرِمْ ضَيْفَهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ، وَمَنْ كَانَ يُؤْمِنُ بِاللَّهِ وَالْيَوْمِ الآخِرِ فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ ”.
[3]حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، حَدَّثَنَا اللَّيْثُ، عَنْ عُقَيْلٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ شِهَابٍ، قَالَ أَخْبَرَنِي أَنَسُ بْنُ مَالِكٍ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ مَنْ أَحَبَّ أَنْ يُبْسَطَ لَهُ فِي رِزْقِهِ، وَيُنْسَأَ لَهُ فِي أَثَرِهِ، فَلْيَصِلْ رَحِمَهُ ”.
[4]حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مُوسَى، قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا يُونُسُ بْنُ بُكَيْرٍ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ إِسْحَاقَ، عَنْ زِيَادِ بْنِ أَبِي زِيَادٍ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ كَعْبٍ الْقُرَظِيِّ، عَنْ عَمْرِو بْنِ الْعَاصِ، قَالَ: كَانَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم، يُقْبِلُ بِوَجْهِهِ وَحَدِيثِهِ عَلَى أَشَرِّ الْقَوْمِ، يَتَأَلَّفُهُمْ بِذَلِكَ فَكَانَ يُقْبِلُ بِوَجْهِهِ وَحَدِيثِهِ عَلَيَّ، حَتَّى ظَنَنْتُ أَنِّي خَيْرُ الْقَوْمِ…
