Fatwa ID: 02250
Answered by Ustadha Mahdiyah Siddique
Sallam alekum, am a lady of 25 and i have a brother who am dating since 2013, since then, we never had anything together, so i saw that d brother is willing to marry me, and i took him to my mother since my father is not alive, so they asked him to bring his parent if he is willing to marry me, after that, his mother said she will not do any introduction except i have pregnant and i told him that is not proper that way, i told him that i would not do that unless they come to our house, later his mother agreed to come to our house which they come on november 2016 so before that time i have told my brother that i want us to do it as aqidu since they said is not haram for both to have sex after aqidu, but to my greatest surprise his mother told my parent that they just come to visit them that later we shall do the wedding, though they prayed for both of us, we (my parent) even invites some alfas since i told them that is aqidu i want to do, we also give them list for the nikkah ceremony which they promise to do later i got pregnant, later i decided that i would not do it except we do d final nikkah since am a virginty since that time, so my mother, brother and sister told me that is not harram anymore if we had sex that since we have done the introduction, i also ask some people which they told me that there is no big deal in it that is what is common now, so i now agree with them, but i told the brother to pay my dowry, he promise me that he's going to pay it later, so we shall have sex dis earlier january dis year, so i didnot no that have committed a big sin since on tuesday i log in on facebook that one sister post exactly dis question on her wall, am very happy to see this and in haste to see the comment of people, so i now saw that have commit a big mistake and cry alot and seek for forgiveness and promise not to do it until my nikkah nightwhich i no that Allah have forgive me, so am now confused on what to do because my mother inlaw is still on her word, can i continue with d brother or look for another brother who can wait until my nikkah night, but am so sacred and feel quilty that if d other brother would marry me like that since i am not a virgiin again, or is it bad to marry another brother since am not a virginy, am also sacred whether the brother will feel disappointed in me if he later knows that am not a virgin. Please i need ur urgent reply. Jazakumllahi kahir
In response to your question;
Premarital relationships are deemed forbidden in Islam; this has been set in place to save oneself from feelings of hurt and abuse on the female part, as it is not always the case that the one with whom you enter such a relationship and commit yourself to, will stand by you and marry you. Please note that an introduction, or agreement between families or the couple that they will get married is not enough, the actual Nikah contract is required to bind the two into marriage.
Any kind of sexual intimacy outside of marriage is considered to be a grave sin, Allah the Almighty states, ‘And do not approach unlawful sexual intercourse. Indeed, it is ever an immorality and is evil as a way.’ (Surah al-Isra: Verse 32)
Furthermore, ‘And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things), and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, ect) and not expose their adornment except that which [necessarily] appears thereof and to wrap [a portion of] their head covers over their chests and not expose their adornment except to their husbands, their fathers, their husbands' fathers, their sons, their husbands' sons, their brothers, their brothers' sons, their sisters' sons, their women, that which their right hands possess, or those male attendants having no physical desire, or children who are not yet aware of the private aspects of women. And let them not stamp their feet to make known what they conceal of their adornment. And turn to Allah in repentance, all of you, O believers that you may succeed.’ (Surah Nur: Verse 31)
An importance aspect we can grasp from this verse is that Allah starts with mentioning the sin (prohibition) and ends with the notion of forgiveness, what can be taken from this is that although the sin might have been committed the mercy of Allah is great and one should always turn to Him in forgiveness so that they can remove the evil of that act and its effects from one’s life in order to be able to succeed in achieving peace and tranquillity.
To conclude, I would recommend that if the brother you are interested in is not serious about marriage with you, then save yourself from further hurt and move on from this situation. No matter how hard you try you will not be able to force someone to act accordingly. As for marrying another brother, Allah created the Earth with millions and billions of people, you will surely find someone that is willing to accept you and does not let this come in between. Do not let the factor of guilt, thoughts of someone feeling disappointed in you etc, be the reason for staying or keeping yourself in a doomed relationship.
Only Allah Knows Best
Written by Ustadha Mahdiyah Siddique
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham