Marriage Dilemma

CategoriesMarriage [658]

Fatwa ID: 01236

Answered by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah


I'm a man of 27. I'm financially capable of marrying. But my penis is very small (4 inches when erected) and mazi comes out with moderate excitement. I had bad habit of masturbation since long and I know that I ejaculate early.

But my parents are looking for brides for me and very good young ladies are available as we are aristocratic. But I'm afraid, I'll not be able to give haque to my wife.

I'm positively thinking of two offers.

1) My maternal cousin who is about 30 and is not getting any good male to marry. I explained to her that, I may not be able to give her sexual right fully. Despite it she is very much eager to marry me. But she is not much attractive.

2) A young widow of about 20. Her parents are very much interested about me. However probably they did not realize my limitations.

Whom should I marry? Should I marry at all?





In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.

The answer to your question will be looked in the following four ways:

  1. The issue of masturbation in Islam.
  2. The issue of a small penis.
  3. Which woman to marry.
  4. The method of Istikharah.

Allah states in the Quran: “And those who guard their private parts, except with their spouses or those who are legally in their possession, for in that case they shall not be blamed, however those who seek to go beyond that in lust are the ones who shall be the transgressors.” (Surah Al Muminun: 5-7)

After praising the believers for guarding their private parts from that which He has made forbidden for them Allah has warned that the transgressors are those who go beyond what is lawful. Imam Qurtubi on commenting on the above verse states that according to the scholars (with the exception of Imam Ahmed ibn Hambal) masturbation is haram. (Tafseer Qurtubi, Vol 12, P.98)

Abdullah narrates, “We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power.” (Bukhari, 7.4)

If masturbation was permissible, Prophet of Allah sallallahu alahi Wasalam would have mentioned it at this point. This indicates that masturbation is unlawful because silence at a time of explanation denotes restriction.

With regards to the second issue if the penis is small but normal, it does not matter and does not affect the validity of a marriage. Doctors have said that a penis even though it may be small is capable of fulfilling the desires of a woman. It is due to the society we live in and the filthy things which we hear has led to people thinking that they need to have a large penis to fulfil the desires of a woman. However, if the penis is abnormal, for example, cut off (majboob) then it will be appropriate not to get married as you would not be able to fulfil the desires of a woman.

With regards to you’re the third issue it is entirely up to you who uyou want to marry. However, according to the ahadith of the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam it is more preferable to marry a virgin as she can be easily moulded and is more cooperating. She is contented with a little and is grateful and she will love her husband passionately. (Mazahirul Haqq p.15 v.4)


The Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam said; “You should marry virgin ladies as they are sweet in speech and bearer of more children and they feel contented with a little.” (Mishkaatul Masaabeeh p.267)

Imam Nawai (RA) says; “It is preferable to marry a young lady as the purposes of marriage can be best achieved through it. She affords pleasure and her fragrance is sweet. She is more exciting and pleasing and beautiful to look at. She is buoyant and jovial, elegant in appearance and delicate in touching. A husband can easily mould her as he desires.”

However, this does not mean that it is not permissible to marry widows but if the woman is virtuous and a person desires to marry a widow then he can. Most of the wives of the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam and the companion’s were widows.

Finally, it will be best if you seek guidance from Allah (SWA) and come to a decision who you want to marry. This praying for guidance is called Istikharah.

It is related by Jabir bin Abdullah that the Prophet of Allah (SAW) used to teach us the way of doing Istikharah, in all matters as he taught us the Surahs of the Quran… (Sahih Al-Bukhari, 2.263)

When making Istikharah a person should perform two Rakats Nafl Salat. Then with all sincerity recite the following Du'a.

O Allah!! Behold I ask You the good through Your Knowledge, and ability through Your Power, and beg (Your favour) out of Your infinite Bounty. For surely You have Power; I have none. You know all; I know not. You are the Great Knower of all things. O Allah! If in Your Knowledge this matter be good for my faith (Deen), for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then ordain it for me, and make it easy for me, and bless me therein. But if in Your Knowledge, this matter be bad for my faith (Deen) for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then turn it away from me, and turn me away therefrom, and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to be pleased therewith.

It is stated in Fiqh us Sunnah (Vol2. No 32), that Istikharah can be done, “…during any time of the day or night…”

It is not necessary that one must experience or see an evident change or vision after performing Istikharah. However inshallah only that will happen which Allah wills and which is good for the person.

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

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