Fatwa ID: 02253

Answered by Molana Eunus Ali

Question:

I have been suffering from severe porn and masturbation addiction for ten years. This has caused serious depression, destruction of relationships with everyone in my family. My sexual desires are so uncontrollable, and I know marriage is fardh on me, but at the same time I can't get married until I rid this addiction and even if I did, the years of porn and Masturbation has made me sexually dysfunctional, I suffer from severe premature ejaxulation and I don't want to marry because of this. So my question is it a sin for me to remain single. And if my parents are persisting on me getting married but I don't want to due to these problems am I considered as being disobeying to my parents

Answer:

Your question will be answered in four sections:

1. Marriage: Allah has stated in the Quran:

‘And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect.’ (Surah Rum: 21)

In the above verse Allah has informed us that one of the benefits of marriage is that it removes depression and is a means of tranquillity and peace of mind and heart.[1]

Furthermore it is narrated by Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) that some of the people from among the Companions of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said to him: Messenger of Allah, the rich have taken away (all the) reward. They observe prayer as we do; they keep the fasts as we keep, and they give Sadaqa out of their surplus riches. Upon this he (the Holy Prophet) said: Has Allah not prescribed for you (a course) by following which you can (also) do sadaqa? In every declaration of the glorification of Allah (i. e. saying Subhan Allah) there is a Sadaqa, and every Takbir (i. e. saying Allah-O-Akbar) is a sadaqa, and every praise of His (saying al-HamduLillah) is a Sadaqa and every declaration that He is One (La illha ill-Allah) is a sadaqa, and enjoining of good is a sadaqa, and forbidding of that which is evil is a Sadaqa, and in man's sexual Intercourse (with his wife, ) there is a Sadaqa. They (the Companions) said: Messenger of Allah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us? He said: Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward.[2]

So in conclusion, not only is marriage recommended and a Sunnah of the Prophet it also has many benefits.

As for the one who is unable to marry it is narrated by `Abdullah : We were with the Prophet (ﷺ) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."[3]

We learn from the above Hadith when one has the ability to marry then one should marry as this will prevent one from engaging in the unlawful. If he is unable then he should take up fasting as this will supress the sexual urges.

As for addiction to watching porn the following should be implemented to work towards stopping:

• Being sincere in the abandoning of this haram act.
• Making sincere Dua to Allah to assist you in the leaving this sinful act.
• Adopting the company of the pious and the righteous.
• Avoid being alone for long period of times.
• Restricting internet usage.
• Place the computer/laptop in a public area where others are also present.
• Perhaps asking a family member or a friend to activate a parental lock where possible whereby you are unaware of the password.
• Increasing in the remembrance of Allah and especially death.
• Increasing in the recitation of the Quran.
• Visiting the graveyard as this will be a wakeup call as to where we are heading.
• Seeking professional help where possible.

It was the advice of my teachers that when trying to abandon any sin, practical steps should be taken and along with this we cannot expect for change overnight. Rather we should set a goal that ‘I intend to abandon this act within certain amount of time and these are the steps I will take to achieve this.’ In the time of the Prophet (peace be upon Him) intoxicants were not prohibited overnight rather there was a number of stages before it was completely prohibited. In this manner by taking practical steps one will be able to abandon the sinful act slowly but surely.

However it should be kept in mind, although one maybe slowly cutting down in the sin the act will remain a sin and sincere tawbah will need to be carried out. 

In conclusion: Marriage should be considered when one is capable to do so. Also realistic and practical steps should be taken to leave any sinful acts.

Finally we need to do seek Allah’s assistance in all steps of life.

2. Masturbation: Allah has stated describing the qualities of the successful Believers:

And those who guard their private parts. Except from their wives or those their right hands possess, for indeed, they will not be blamed. But whoever seeks beyond that, those are the transgressors. (Surah Mu’minoon:5-7)

Commenting on the above verses, both Imam Qurtubi and Mufti Shafi’ (may Allah’s mercy be upon them) have stated that the opinion of the scholars (with the exception of Imam Ahmad bin Hanbal) is that ‘masturbation’ is Haram, as it is falls in the category of the third verse mentioned above.[4]

Putting physical harms to aside, there are spiritual harms attached to it and thus should be abandoned at all cost so that one can be included amongst the successful believers.

The prophetic solution for this is, as advised by the Prophet (peace be upon him) is to observe fast in order to suppress sexual urges when marriage is not an option as mentioned above.[5]

The method of observing optional fast in order to supress sexual urge should be done in such a manner that when the time of Iftaar arrives one does not eat to his fill so that the purpose of fasting is not defeated as this will not contribute in the supressing of sexual urges.

3.Premature ejaculation:

'In order to delay ejaculation, a husband canadopt the following practical methods[6]:

1. Avoid having his sexual organ stroked or caressed during foreplay. The less contact made between his sexual organ and his wife's body, the easier it will be for him to control himself.
2. When having sex, divert his attention to something else, so that it helps him control himself.
3. Both spouses should avoid excessive movement during the actual act of sex, because excessive movement will result in him ejaculating early. (See: Usul al-Mu'ashara al-Zawjiyya P: 71-72)
4. Imam Murtada al-Zabidi states in his commentary of the IhyaUloom al-Din of Imam al-Ghazali (Allah have mercy on both) that the most beneficial remedy for someone affected by premature ejaculation is to avoid having sex before foreplay. He should sexually arouse his wife by playing around with her, kissing her, stroking her breasts, embracing her and the like. Then, when he sees that her colour has changed and her eyes have become red [out of desire for him], and he feels that she is ready, prepared, and desirous of him, only then should he initiate actual sexual intercourse. (See: Ithaf al-Sadat al-Muttaqin bi SharhIhyaUloom al-Din 6:176)'
5. If however it is a very extreme case of premature ejaculation you may consult a doctor or seek medical advice.

Only Allah knows best

Written by Molana Eunus Ali

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham