Fatwa ID: 06389
Answered by: Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Question:
Assalamualaikum. I’m in love with a Muslim guy for 3 years. We pray, fast, follow the sunnah and had a good and decent relationship, understanding only through chats. It’s been 6 years since we met. I told my parents about our relationship, they are not satisfied for many reasons like he speaks Tamil and our family is Urdu also we know Tamil. Distance does matter a lot. He is good-looking but has huge front baldness which my parents and sister had issues with. He tried and got a good job with pay, and came to a nearby city. Later my parents are convinced of Tamil Muslims too. They did not refuse but are not happy. They are not satisfied. For the first time, he is gonna meet my family, I forced him to do a front hair patch so as to impress and I wanted not to have any negative impact on his looks. And I know that my parents are convinced with other issues and I’m sure that they will proceed heartily once they like the boy. For this, I forced him to do a hair patch for 2 months but he refused all the time. For the last time, I explained everything that the situation expectations and also I told him about the talks that go here. I told them my relatives and asked if he was just 26. This is a huge mistake I have done. This means that he doesn’t look 26 years old. This gave him emotional hurt. He is mentally hurt and decided to break this relationship. He explained everything and that he took many steps to convince my parents also he was ready to meet my parents and talk but they refused as they were confused and had no support from relatives. I really feel guilty about the thing I have done. Only now I came to know that patch is not permissible in Islam. He bid me goodbye and told me that he will never continue this relationship at any cost. I begged like anything through chats but he blocked me on all platforms. I want to know what I should do now. I wanted to have my married life with my parent’s hearty blessings and I wanted that looks shouldn’t be the reason for their dissatisfaction, so I forced. I feel low. I told my mother she said that u shouldn’t have forced him as u have seeded inferiority as poison in his heart that’s y he took a stubborn decision to leave …on the other point no mistake from your side just you asked for to groom him to get satisfied. What should I do…pls guide me.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
We hope you will pay attention to the things you have done that may be contrary to Islam, such as getting to know that boy who is a stranger to you (non-mahram), talking to him, being friendly with him, showing love to him, and other flaws you may have not confessed regarding this issue.
I pray that Allah SWT gives you a smooth recovery from the negative thoughts you are facing and everyone is facing on a daily basis and may the almighty reconcile our affairs.
It is by Allah’s grace you want to finally complete half your faith and marry. It seems like your parents/relatives have a part to play in this situation as well as your feelings for him/vice versa.
Unless the person you want to marry is bad and evil and has a bad reputation about him, then it is understandable. Having hair loss and speaking a different language should not be a fundamental problem and has nothing to do with religion but rather one’s preference.
Allah SWT mentions:
يٰۤاَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اِنَّا خَلَقۡنٰكُمۡ مِّنۡ ذَكَرٍ وَّاُنۡثٰى وَجَعَلۡنٰكُمۡ شُعُوۡبًا وَّقَبَآئِلَ لِتَعَارَفُوۡا ؕ اِنَّ اَكۡرَمَكُمۡ عِنۡدَ اللّٰهِ اَ تۡقٰٮكُمۡ ؕ اِنَّ اللّٰهَ عَلِيۡمٌ خَبِيۡرٌ
“O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, so that you may know one another. Verily, the most honourable of you with Allah is that (believer) who has At‑Taqwa (i.e. he is one of the Muttaqoon – the pious)” [Surha Hujuraat verse 49]
Our beloved prophet (SAW) has mentioned:
إِذَا جَاءَكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَأَنْكِحُوهُ
If someone comes to you with faith and character that you like, marry him. [Tirmidhi Hadeeth no: 1085]
If it is hard to convince or make them understand, or if it is hard to get in touch with him etc. I believe you all should go speak to the local Imam (take parents/relatives with you) of your community and hopefully, he can counsel you whether it’s explaining to the parents (as certain parents need convincing from one who has status in knowledge, and you yourself can get some insight into the situation) and hopefully by the will of Allah the matter can be resolved and the outcomes shall be fruitful by the grace of Allah.
May Allah resolve all our affairs.
What has happened has happened
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
