Fatwa ID: 08826
Answered by: Maulana Nuski Cassim
Question:
I am brother Junaid from Stuttgart Germany. I am 33 years old and work as an engineer in the academic field. I was/am married to a 20 year old wife and have a son who is now 3 months old. I just talked to you on the phone regarding my issue. Please find below a more detailed description of our issue:
On the night of the 4th of January, I had an argument in the house of my parents in law. My father in-law did accuse me of pointing the finger to my wife and calling her stupid. He was very angry. I was shocked about the situation and got angry as well. My wife did tell everything which happened in our home to her parents and did not protect me when my father-in-law accused me of torturing her psychologically. Additionally, she started to talk bad stuff about me in front of her parents. Her father also accused me of helping my wife to take care of our two months old son, which should be something honourable in my eyes. I left the house of my parents in law alone in anger and went home. My wife stayed at her parents home with my son. I was very angry and did not sleep the whole night.
The next morning at about 8 am I called my wife after I wrote her several text messages to confront her with the situation. She was also in bed at this time. I talked to her about the accusations, and she did not respond and hang up the phone. I called her back very angry and asked her about an accusation which her parents brought up against me the night before, which was the result of stuff she has told them. This accusation was absolutely untrue. She said on the phone that this accusation was true after which I got really angry and lost my mind and said Talaq three or four times and hang up the phone. I think the fourth talaq was spoken after hanging up. I am not sure about that. She says that she clearly heard the talaq three times.
It was unintentional and I was shocked my self after hanging up. Both of us were still in bed when this happened. No one of us wanted any talaq to happen. Afterwards, we did research on google and found out which implications this might have. I had no exact knowledge about the issues of talaq.
We were living together for six months even though our marriage (ruksati) was in July 2021, because she had to finish her alima course in UK. Now my wife and my son are at her parents home and I can barely see my son. I contacted the local Imams in Stuttgart, who are from Turkey and Egypt who told me that only one talaq has happened. My parents-in-law did not accept this as they are follower of the Deoband Hanafi school. They contacted two Muftis in Frankfurt and Mannheim who told that irrespective of the situation if the wife hears talaq three times, three talaqs are given and she is haram for you forever. They did not even listen to me carefully.
Now I found the following fatwa on your website which describes my situation very well:
Three Talaqs Whilst Having an Argument With the Wife – Darul Ifta Birmingham
Is this applicable to our situation?
Additionally, on Saturday the 28.1.2023 I talked to a local Imam in Stuttgart about custody of my son, because my father-in-law had very much restricted my time with my son. We also spoke about Iman and the situation in Germany. I talked about my academic career and the time I spend alone in North Germany some years ago which had a really bad impact impact on my Iman. Despite a good job offer I returned to Stuttgart to be close to my family and my Muslim community. I pretty much started practicing Islam (5 prayers a day) at the start of my university studies and I picked knowledge up from here and there.
I am a Hanafi but have a lot of friends from different countries and sects of Islam. After my university study I started to work as an academic at the University of Stuttgart with the aim to achieve my PhD. After the birth of my son my wife spend a lot of time at her parents home. Neither of us wanted this, but we accepted it as we did not wanted to hurt her parents. In this time our Iman became very week and I spend also some free time with my German colleagues who are agnostic. My wife and I pretty much stopped praying and reading the Quran etc.
I talked to the Imam about something which happened on the 22.12.2022. On this day I went to the Christmas market where my German agnostic colleague started to question me about my faith. He asked me if I belief that cutting the hands of a thief or stoning to death of a person who cheats in marriage is correct. I told him that I don’t belief in this anymore. Furthermore, he asked me if my German colleague who is doing a lot of social work for UNICEF but does not belief in God is going to hell. I told him, that I don’t belief this and she has a place in paradise.
We also discussed further things about Islamic history which is probably not relevant here. I was aware that I had committed kufr and did Tauba the next day. The local Imam told me that this is not enough, we should have done nikah again, because such statements break the nikah. He told me about Tajdeed e Nikkah. Neither me nor my wife knew that such statement breaks the nikkah. I issued the Talaqs, as mentioned above, about 12 days after this incident. We had not renewed our nikkah. Does this impact the Talaq? Can we renew our nikkah?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
It is quite disheartening to say the least when husband and wife fail to honour one another in front of their respective parents—especially when it comes to concealing those things which are minor and should be overlooked.
More disheartening, however, is when in-laws add fuel to the flame and create a bigger discord than there needs to be. You are completely correct in mentioning that taking care of your 2-month-old son is something honourable. It is unfortunate that your father-in-law had an issue with this. As a couple, it is also best to discuss and deliberate one’s problems and concerns when both parties are level-headed and calm. This allows for ideas, concerns and emotions to be communicated effectively and clearly without going on the defensive unchecked.
As for what ensued, then know that anger is one of those things which can consume and get the better of us. It is vital that we keep it in check and do our best to understand the repercussions of what may follow suite if that anger is acted upon and not kept in check.
The issuance of talaq is a grave matter—whether given in anger, jest or haphazardly—and it occurs at the very instance of pronouncement.[1]
“ ثَلاَثٌ جِدُّهُنَّ جِدٌّ وَهَزْلُهُنَّ جِدٌّ النِّكَاحُ وَالطَّلاَقُ وَالرَّجْعَةُ ”
The Prophet ﷺ said, “There are three things which, whether undertaken seriously or in jest, are treated as serious: marriage, divorce and taking back a wife (after a divorce which is not final).” –[سنن أبي داود، رقم الحديث: ٢١٩٤]
The fatwa you’ve shared speaks about that anger wherein a person is essentially unaware of what he is doing—the anger has consumed his rational and behaviour.[2]
If this was the type of anger that overtook you, and Allah ﷻ knows best your state at the time of issuing the divorce, then yes, it will apply to your situation. However, if you know this to not be true, then because you issued your wife three pronouncements of divorce, she is no longer permissible for you. She is to observe her ‘iddah starting from the time talaq was issued and you are unable to remarry her unless she marries someone else, and they divorce thereafter.
Furthermore, you’ve presented the scenario where you had issued your wife talaqs due to your local Imam telling you that you need to renew your nikah. Based on this, if you had issued your wife three talaqs at this juncture, then in this instance she would have become impermissible for you and the above ruling will apply.
References:
1.
يقع طلاق كل زوج إذا كان بالغا عاقلا سواء كان حرّا أو عبدًا طائعا أو مُكْرها كذا في الجوهرة النيرة.
وطلاق اللاعب والهازل به واقع.
[الفتاوي العالمكيرية، كتاب الطلاق، ج. ١، صفحة ٣٥٣، المكتبة الشاملة]
في “شرح الطحاوي”: الأصل أن الطلاق إنما يقع لوجود لفظ الايقاع من مخاطب في ملكه إذا طلق المخاطب المكلف امراته وقع الطلاق، كالعاقل البالغ.
[الفتاوي التاتارخانية، كتاب الطلاق، ج. ٢، صفحة ٤٣٩، دار الكتب العلمية]
فالذي ينبغي التعويل عليه في المدهوش ونحوِه إناطة الحكم بغلبة الخَلل في أقواله وأفعاله الخارجة عن عادته، وكذا يقال فيمن اختلّ عقله لكِبر أو لمرض أو لمصيبة فاجأته: فما دام في حال غلبة الخَلل في الأقوال والأفعال لا تُعتبر أقواله وإن كان يعلمها ويريدها لأن هذه المعرفة والإرادة غير معتبرة لعدم حصولها عن الإدراك صحيح كما لا تُعْتبر من الصبي الْعاقل
[رد المحتار، كتاب الطلاق، ج. ٣، صفحة ٢٤٤، دار الفكر]
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Nuski Cassim
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
