Fatwa ID: 06855
Answered by: Alimah Jannatun Nessa
Question:
I emailed you some time ago about secret nikah. I told you my circumstances that I am 39 years old. I come from a broken family and a divorcee with no kids. I found a guy online who is 10 years younger than me he proposed that we secretly get married and that he would marry with his family’s will so I should be ok with his second marriage. I agreed but my condition was together we strive to be good Muslims and nurture our relationship according to the Quran and Sunnah but soon I realized he is aggressive and controlling he called me names when I asked about his social media activities in the first week after marriage. He gave me two divorces in one session. Then I found he was having an affair then he got engaged and he was constantly in touch with his fiancee which was trouble for me we were in a long-distance relationship. I never asked for money from him. Now he married that girl and that girl knew about my presence in his life as wife. Just before his marriage, he transferred to my city because of his job shift. when he shifted I accommodated him in my house. My family does not know m married they bear my expenses still I help my husband and support him in every way. My car was being used to drop him to the office. Then he got married to his fiancee then he came back and got her house on rent brought his car and he claims that his family is supporting his couple which is true actually. I feel jealous I feel he is more inclined towards her. He is abusive when I confront him.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
It is understandable that you are feeling hurt and neglected in this relationship and wish to end the marriage. Although divorce is not an easy decision, it may be necessary and the only option left available if there is no hope for a couple to reconcile.
It is still advisable for you to be honest and open up about your marriage to your family, as they may be able to provide you with emotional support and guidance during this difficult time. Withholding such an important life decision from family members often causes a person to feel disconnected and alone especially when problems in a relationship arise because they have no one to lean on for support.
Our Prophet SAW taught us the importance of seeking counsel from others, whether it be about important state affairs or general life issues, as others can offer valuable perspectives and advice. This can lead to more informed decision-making and better outcomes.
As stated in Surah Shura, verse 38, “those who conduct their affairs through mutual consultation” are among the virtues of a believer for whom the reward of the hereafter will be far greater than what is in this world.
The Prophet SAW has also said, “Whenever someone decides after mutual consultation, Allah will guide them towards the best possible outcome.”
It may be a daunting task for some to open up about their troubles and secrets for fear of being judged. However, Allah says “When you have made a firm decision, then put your trust in Allah, for Allah loves those who trust in him” (Surah Ali Imran, verse 159).
This means that even if at first you do not receive the reaction you were hoping for, you should not quickly lose hope and assume that Allah has forgotten about you. Every Muslim’s faith will certainly be tested by Allah. Instead, remember that Allah knows what is best for you and has a plan for you, so be patient, persistent, and never lose faith in Him despite the difficulties you may encounter and Insha’Allah you will find ease after difficulty.
Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by Alimah Jannatun Nessa
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
[Surah 42: Verse 38]
وَٱلَّذِينَ ٱسْتَجَابُوا۟ لِرَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا۟ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَمْرُهُمْ شُورَىٰ بَيْنَهُمْ وَمِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ ٣٨
who respond to their Lord, establish prayer, conduct their affairs by mutual consultation, and donate from what We have provided for them.
[Al Durr al Manthur, volume 7, page 250, Daar al fikr]
وأخرج البيهقي في شعب الايمان عن ابن عمر رضي الله عنهما، عن النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم قال: من أراد أمرا فشاور فيه وقضى اهتدى لأرشد الأمور
[Surah 3: Verse 159]
فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍۢ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلْقَلْبِ لَٱنفَضُّوا۟ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَٱعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَٱسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِى ٱلْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ ١٥٩
It is out of Allah’s mercy that you ˹O Prophet˺ have been lenient with them. Had you been cruel or hard-hearted, they would have certainly abandoned you. So pardon them, ask Allah’s forgiveness for them, and consult with them in ˹conducting˺ matters. Once you make a decision, put your trust in Allah. Surely Allah loves those who trust in Him.
