Fatwa ID: 08145

Answered by: Maulana Abdoullah Limvoonheek

Question:

الجنة تحت أقدام أمهاتكم

This question was received during a halaqa: How does one show obedience to a toxic mother? What is the outcome for mothers who are the cause of children committing suicide due to their toxic traits, or even children moving out but always remaining clingy via telephone calls, using religious scriptures as emotional blackmail to ensure their kids remain obedient?

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيم

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:

After tawheed (worshipping Allah alone and not committing shirk), the greatest thing is to obey one’s parents and fulfill their rights.

In any condition and situation, a Muslim should never lose hope in Allah. Allah is the best of planners, and He tests us to draw us closer to Him, which will be rewarded. At no time should a Muslim resort to suicide.

In your distressing situation, you should address your mother regarding her bad behavior, as she will be sinful and held accountable. Alternatively, seek help from the elders of the family.

Your mother may be unwell and in emotional pain. It is necessary for you to protect your own sanity, but at the same time, you must ensure that you do not become abusive towards her in retaliation.

Your parents are your jannah (paradise) or your jahannum (hell). Be good to them, serve them, and pave your way to paradise under all circumstances. If you are unkind and disobedient to them, you will end up in the hellfire.

We advise you to engage in dua after salah, asking Allah to improve the relationship and guide your mother. Engage in taalim (learning) at home, and if necessary, seek guidance and counseling.

Hope this answers your question.

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Maulana Abdoullah Limvoonheek
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham

Reference:

Mariful Quran, Surah Isra, Ayah 23
وَقَضٰى رَبُّكَ اَلَّا تَعۡبُدُوۡۤا اِلَّاۤ اِيَّاهُ وَبِالۡوَالِدَيۡنِ اِحۡسَانًا‌ ؕ اِمَّا يَـبۡلُغَنَّ عِنۡدَكَ الۡكِبَرَ اَحَدُهُمَاۤ اَوۡ كِلٰهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَّهُمَاۤ اُفٍّ وَّلَا تَنۡهَرۡهُمَا وَقُلْ لَّهُمَا قَوۡلًا كَرۡيَمًا‏

Surah Luqman, Ayah 14
وَوَصَّيۡنَا الۡاِنۡسٰنَ بِوَالِدَيۡهِ‌ۚ حَمَلَتۡهُ اُمُّهٗ وَهۡنًا عَلٰى وَهۡنٍ وَّفِصٰلُهٗ فِىۡ عَامَيۡنِ اَنِ اشۡكُرۡ لِىۡ وَلِـوَالِدَيۡكَؕ اِلَىَّ الۡمَصِيۡرُ

Surah Ahqaf, Ayah 15
وَوَصَّيۡنَا الۡاِنۡسٰنَ بِوَالِدَيۡهِ اِحۡسَانًا‌ ؕ حَمَلَـتۡهُ اُمُّهٗ كُرۡهًا وَّوَضَعَتۡهُ كُرۡهًا‌ ؕ وَحَمۡلُهۗ وَفِصٰلُهۗ ثَلٰـثُوۡنَ شَهۡرًا‌ ؕ حَتّٰٓى اِذَا بَلَغَ اَشُدَّهٗ وَبَلَغَ اَارۡبَعِيۡنَ سَنَةً  ۙ قَالَ رَبِّ اَوۡزِعۡنِىۡۤ اَنۡ اَشۡكُرۡ نِعۡمَتَكَ الَّتِىۡۤ اَنۡعَمۡتَ عَلَىَّ وَعَلٰى وَالِدَىَّ وَاَنۡ اَعۡمَلَ صَالِحًا تَرۡضٰٮهُ وَاَصۡلِحۡ لِىۡ فِىۡ ذُرِّيَّتِىۡ ؕۚ اِنِّىۡ تُبۡتُ اِلَيۡكَ وَاِنِّىۡ مِنَ الۡمُسۡلِمِيۡنَ

Hadith from Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2244
عَنْ أَنَسٍ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏”‏ انْصُرْ أَخَاكَ ظَالِمًا أَوْ مَظْلُومًا ‏”‏‏.‏ قَالُوا يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ هَذَا نَنْصُرُهُ مَظْلُومًا، فَكَيْفَ نَنْصُرُهُ ظَالِمًا قَالَ ‏”‏ تَأْخُذُ فَوْقَ يَدَيْهِ ‏”‏‏.‏

Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3662
عَنْ أَبِي أُمَامَةَ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ مَا حَقُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ عَلَى وَلَدِهِمَا قَالَ ‏ “‏ هُمَا جَنَّتُكَ وَنَارُكَ ‏”