Parents refusing to allow me to marry the girl I want

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Parents refusing to allow me to marry the girl I want

In the name of Allah, the most Beneficent, the most Merciful.


There are two important issues here which to a certain extent are contradicting each other and the importance of finding a solution between the two. The first issue is about respecting parents and the second is about your need of getting married.

Imam Al-Qurtubi says that, in verse 23 of Surah Isra, Allah Ta’ala has made it necessary (wajib) to respect and treat parents well by combining it with the command to worship Him. This is similar to what has been said in Surah Luqman where the inevitable need to thank Him has been combined with the need to thank one’s parents:

???? ??????? ??? ??????????????? (give thanks to Me and to your parents). This proves that, after the obligation of worshipping Allah Ta’ala, obeying parents is most important and being grateful to parents like being grateful to Allah Ta’ala, is wajib (necessary). This has its confirmation in the Hadith of Sahih Al-Bukhari where a person asked the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him): “Which is the most favoured deed in the sight of Allah?” He said, “Salah at its (mustahabb) preferred time.” The person asked again, “Which is the most favoured deed after that?” To that he said, “Treating parents well.’’ (Qurtubi)

The merits of obeying and serving parents in Hadith narratives

Sayyiduna Abu Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A father is the main gate of Jannah. Now it is up to you to preserve or waste it. [Musnad of Amad, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and Mustadrak of Hakim]

Sayyiduna Abdullah Ibn Umar (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) said: The pleasure of Allah is in the pleasure of a father and the displeasure of Allah is in the displeasure of a father. [Tirmidhi and Mustadrak of Hakim]

Sayyiduna Abu Umamah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrates that a person asked the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him), ‘What rights do parents have on their children?’ He said, “They both are your Paradise, or Hell.”          [Ibn Majah]

It means that obeying and serving parents take one to Jannah and their disobedience and displeasure take one to Jahannam.

Imam Baihaqi has reported on the authority of Sayyidna Abdullah Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Holy Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “An obedient son who looks at his parents with mercy and affection receives the reward of one accepted Hajj against every such look cast.” People around said, “What if he were to look at them like that a hundred times during the day?” He said, “Yes, a hundred times too (he will keep receiving that reward). Allah is great (His treasures never run short).”

Regarding the second issue, there are many ahadiths about the virtues of getting married.

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

“When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion, so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.” (Sunan Baihaqi)

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

`The worst among you are your bachelors!’ (Musnad Abu Ya’la and Tabarani.)

From the question you sent me, some of the concerns your parents are having is Islamically not valid, in particular the one where she is Pakistani and you are Gujrati.
Allah (SWA) in the Holy Quran has said:
“O Mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know each other. Verily, the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) most rightness of you” (Surah Hujuraat v.13)

However, there is one concern I have is regarding the age of the girl. Sixteen years is too young to contemplate a marriage especially, in this day and age. You say that she is ready and mature, but unfortunately when people are in love people tend to make lots of promises.

With regards to your situation, I will advise you to do two things. Firstly, pray Salatul Hajah and ask Allah (SWA) for a pious husband who will Insha Allah look after your needs. It is narrated by Saaiduna Abdullah Bin Abi Awfah Radiallahu Anhu that the Prophet of Allah said; “Whoever, has any need from Allah or anyone of his children, let him make Wudhu and let him make it well, then after two rakaats of Salah, praise Allah and invoice benedictions upon the Prophet of Allah Sallallahu Alahi Wasalam then say;


There is no god but Allah, the most for bearing, most bountiful, glory be to Allah, Lord of the magnificent throne. All praises is for Allah, Lord of the Universe. I beg you for all that causes your mercy, determines Your forgiveness, a wealth of every form of piety and security from every sin. O’Allah, do not leave any sin of mine but that you have forgiven it, nor any worry but that you have uplifted it, nor any need which conforms with your pleasure but that you have fulfilled it, O most merciful of all that show mercy! (Sunan Timizi p.108 v.1)

From the above hadith we can deduce that if any Muslim has any need or problems which need to be fulfilled, then one can pray two rakaats Salatul Hajah read the above dua and ask Allah (SWA) to fulfil the particular need in question.

Secondly, pray the Istikharah Salah.

Istikharah is to seek guidance from Allah when one is faced with a problem.

It is related by Jabir bin Abdullah that the Prophet of Allah (SAW) used to teach us the way of doing Istikharah, in all matters as he taught us the Surahs of the Quran... (Sahih Al-Bukhari, 2.263)

When making Istikharah a person should perform two Rakats Nafl Salat. Then with all sincerity recite the following Du’a.

Translation: O Allah!! Behold I ask You the good through Your Knowledge, and ability through Your Power, and beg (Your favour) out of Your infinite Bounty. For surely You have Power; I have none. You know all; I know not. You are the Great Knower of all things. O Allah! If in Your Knowledge this matter be good for my faith (Deen), for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then ordain it for me, and make it easy for me, and bless me therein. But if in Your Knowledge, this matter be bad for my faith (Deen) for my livelihood, and for the consequences of my affairs, then turn it away from me, and turn me away therefrom, and ordain for me the good wherever it be, and cause me to be pleased therewith.

Imam An-Nawawi has said, “After performing the istikharah, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he had desired to do before making the istikharah. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice to Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah’s power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah’s choice means that one should completely leave what he himself had desired or determined.” (Fiqhus Sunnah: 2.32)

After performing istikarah the person will (Insha Allah) get guidance from Allah and be inclined towards what is right. It is not necessary that it is seen in a dream or even as a vision while awake. The individual will just feel what is right and should then go on to do the task or make the decision. Some scholars like Imam Ibn Abideen Shami (RA) have said that if one sees white or green in his dream then it is a guidance to do that thing. However, if one sees black or red he or she should refrain from it. (Raddul Muhtar p.471 v.2)

Only Allah Knows Best

Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham.

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