Fatwa ID: 06960

 

Answered by: Alimah Jannatun Nessa

 

Question:

 

I have a past with pornography; but Alhamdulillah, now I have stopped watching porn. However, I have developed somewhat of an obsession to large bosoms.

 

I have reached the age of marriage and have received some proposals. However, considering my ‘obsession’, I am not really interested in a woman with ‘small bosoms’ and thus, I have not proceed with the proposals (i.e visit the girls’ family, make Istikhaarah and so on) – the proposals that I have received are in regards to girls that I already know, that’s why I know whether they are slim or fat; otherwise I ask whether the girl is slim or fat.

 

My question is: Should I ignore this ‘obsession’ and proceed with the proposals that I have received, or refuse the proposals and wait till I find a girl that I like? I don’t want to marry someone and then look at other girls after marriage due to not being satisfied with the woman that I married. However, it may also be that the Shaytaan is doing waswasa. 

 

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

Islam teaches us to place more weight on an individual’s morals and character than on their outward appearance. Even though it’s normal to be drawn to someone with riches or physical attractiveness, these things shouldn’t be the determining factors for a happy and successful relationship because they are not everlasting. 

 

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “A woman is married for four things; her wealth, her lineage, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry a religious woman lest you be among the losers” [1]

 

Having a preference for certain qualities is completely normal. However, obsessions can consume a person’s thoughts and actions, leading them to prioritise them above all else and see nothing else. 

 

If you feel that your obsession is something that you absolutely cannot let go of, then it is not a good idea to ignore it or suppress it. Rather, it’s crucial to strike a balance, so it could be beneficial to talk to a therapist or counsellor who can assist you in managing your thoughts in a healthy way before going on to see the proposals. 

 

It is also not appropriate to reject a proposal just on the basis that the woman is slim or fat, as you may miss out on the opportunity to get to know someone who could be a great match for you. It’s important to remember that physical appearance is just one aspect of a person, and true compatibility goes beyond superficial qualities. 

 

Instead, focus on finding someone who shares your values, interests, and overall compatibility, as these factors are more likely to contribute to a fulfilling and lasting relationship. No matter what decision you make, practicing Istikhara is a good way to seek guidance and clarity from Allah.

 

 

Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.

Written by Alimah Jannatun Nessa

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

1-[Sahih al-Bukhari, 5090]

حَدَّثَنَا مُسَدَّدٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنِي سَعِيدُ بْنُ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ ـ رضى الله عنه ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ تُنْكَحُ الْمَرْأَةُ لأَرْبَعٍ لِمَالِهَا وَلِحَسَبِهَا وَجَمَالِهَا وَلِدِينِهَا، فَاظْفَرْ بِذَاتِ الدِّينِ تَرِبَتْ يَدَاكَ ‏”‏‏.‏

Narrated by Abu Huraira: The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry a religious woman lest you be among the losers.”