Fatwa ID: 08436
Answered by: Maulana Sakib Shadman
Question:
I am a young Muslim man currently studying and trying to build a future. I also run a small business alongside my studies to support myself and prove to my family that I am trying to be responsible. I fell in love with a girl around July 2022. At the beginning, I’ll admit my intentions weren’t pure — I started flirting with her casually after seeing a photo of her in niqab. But as time passed, my love for her became deep and sincere. We both grew close emotionally, and my fear of Allah grew as well. I realized what we were doing was wrong, and I started pushing to make our relationship halal through nikah.
However, both our families are against our marriage. Her father is extremely strict and harsh in behaviour — the kind of man you cannot even approach with a respectful proposal. Her mother already has a bad image of me and my family because we are from the same area, and she has heard many negative things — some true, some false. Because of this, they want her to marry someone older, financially stable, with a good family image.
My own family is also broken. My mother is emotionally immature and abusive, and she has made my life extremely difficult. She will not accept any marriage I choose, especially not one that I truly want. My father isn’t in the picture in any healthy or supportive way.
Because of all this, I told the girl that we could do a valid nikah ourselves, with witnesses, even if the parents don’t agree right now — based on the Hanafi opinion that a wali is not a condition for validity. I made it clear that I only want to do this to avoid fitnah, to make things halal and protect both of us. After the nikah, we will stay separately at our own parents’ homes until we are stable enough to announce it officially and seek their acceptance.
But she is afraid that without her father’s permission, the marriage will not be accepted by Allah. She is scared, emotionally overwhelmed, and she doesn’t want to separate from me — yet also doesn’t feel safe or confident enough to go against her parents. She has a soft heart, but also struggles with anger and inner pain.
We both are struggling. I tried staying away from her, not talking even for a day — and it felt like I was dying inside. I couldn’t even think straight. I cried to Allah for sabr but my heart kept collapsing. I truly love her and want to save our relationship from haram. She feels the same, but she’s scared.
Please, I am begging for your guidance:
- In this situation, can we get married without her wali’s approval?
- Will the nikah be valid if we both consent and have proper witnesses?
- Is it sinful to marry in this way with the intention to inform the parents later once we are more stable?
- Am I wrong for pushing for this out of fear of falling into zina or emotional damage?
- What would be the best Islamic way forward for us both, considering our families, emotional states, and intentions?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Question 1 & 2) Just because something is valid, it does not mean that it is a good idea. You would not wish for any of your female Mahrams to marry without their guardian’s consent. You have to remember that this girl is also someone else’s daughter, and while you may consider her father to be strict, it is more than likely that he has her best interests in mind. You mentioned you have a somewhat negative reputation. You should understand that the girl’s father does not want you to marry her due to this reason. Hence you should cut all contact with this girl and find a spouse who’s family approves of you.
Furthermore, even though Nikah without Wali is valid in the Hanafi Madhab, that is only half of the ruling. The other half is that if the husband is not compatible with the wife, the girl’s Wali has full right to annul your marriage according to Shariah. Compatibility can be in terms of Deen/Taqwa, Financial status, one’s trade/ profession, Nobility of one’s lineage, etc. You mentioned you are earning money but it seems as though you are not financially stable as of yet. This this could be a reason for the girl’s guardian to annul this marriage if their family is wealthier than you.
3) Of course, various complications and negative consequences will occur if you marry each other in this way. This will lead to family breakdowns and animosity. This will further lead to serious sins being committed by you, the girl, and both of your families. This includes severing ties of kinship, upsetting your parents, and quarrelling with family.
Please also consider the Hadith of Sahih Muslim;
“Whoever acts dishonestly towards us is not one of us.”
You will be acting dishonestly towards both your family and the girl’s family by going ahead with this Nikah.
4) If you fear Zina, cut off all ties with this girl and all other girls. Kindly ask your mother to find a suitable spouse and be content with whichever spouse Allah Ta’ala provides for you.
5) The best way forward according to our Deen is to respect the wishes of your family and the girl’s family. Please cut off ties with the girl, focus on your Deen, your studies and career/business; and when the time is right, inshaAllah your family will find a suitable spouse for you.
References:
حَدَّثَنَا قُتَيْبَةُ بْنُ سَعِيدٍ، حَدَّثَنَا يَعْقُوبُ، – وَهُوَ ابْنُ عَبْدِ الرَّحْمَنِ الْقَارِيُّ ح وَحَدَّثَنَا أَبُو الأَحْوَصِ، مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ حَيَّانَ حَدَّثَنَا ابْنُ أَبِي حَازِمٍ، كِلاَهُمَا عَنْ سُهَيْلِ بْنِ أَبِي صَالِحٍ، عَنْ أَبِيهِ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، أَنَّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ “ مَنْ حَمَلَ عَلَيْنَا السِّلاَحَ فَلَيْسَ مِنَّا وَمَنْ غَشَّنَا فَلَيْسَ مِنَّا ” .
It is narrated on the authority of Abu Huraira that the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) observed: He who took up arms against us is not of us and he who acted dishonestly towards us is not of us.
Sahih Muslim 101
Chapter 43: The Saying of the prophet (saws): “Whoever deceives us is not one of us.”, Book 1: The Book of Faith
مِنْ: كَافَأَهُ؛ إذَا سَاوَاهُ. وَالْمُرَادُ هُنَا مُسَاوَاةٌ مَخْصُوصَةٌ أَوْ كَوْنُ الْمَرْأَةِ أَدْنَى (الْكَفَاءَةُ مُعْتَبَرَةٌ) فِي ابْتِدَاءِ النِّكَاحِ لِلُزُومِهِ أَوْ لِصِحَّتِهِ (مِنْ جَانِبِهِ) أَيْ الرَّجُلِ لِأَنَّ الشَّرِيفَةَ تَأْبَى أَنْ تَكُونَ فِرَاشًا لِلدَّنِيءِ وَلِذَا (لَا) تُعْتَبَرُ (مِنْ جَانِبِهَا) لِأَنَّ
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ص84 – كتاب حاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار ط الحلبي – فرع هل لولي مجنون ومعتوه تزويجه أكثر من واحدة – المكتبة الشاملة
وَلَا يُزَوَّجْنَ إلَّا مِنْ الْأَكْفَاءِ» فَهَاهُنَا نَظَرَانِ فِي إثْبَاتِ حُجِّيَّتِهِ، ثُمَّ وَجْهُ دَلَالَتِهِ عَلَى الدَّعْوَى عَلَى الْوَجْهِ الْمَذْكُورِ مِنْ مَعْنَاهَا.
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ص292 – كتاب فتح القدير للكمال بن الهمام ط الحلبي – فصل في الكفاءة – المكتبة الشاملة
الكفاءة إنّما تعتبر في خمسة أشياء في النّسب والحرية والكفاءة من حيث المال والكفاءة في الحرف.
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ص69 – كتاب النهاية في شرح الهداية السغناقي – فصل في الأكفاء – المكتبة الشاملة
نفذ نكاح حرة مكلفة بلا ولي، ولا تجبر بكر بالغة على النكاح
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ص202 – كتاب النهر الفائق شرح كنز الدقائق – باب الأولياء والأكفاء – المكتبة الشاملة
قَالَ – رَحِمَهُ اللَّهُ – (نَفَذَ نِكَاحُ حُرَّةٍ مُكَلَّفَةٍ بِلَا وَلِيٍّ)، وَهَذَا عِنْدَ أَبِي حَنِيفَةَ وَأَبِي يُوسُفَ فِي ظَاهِرِ الرِّوَايَةِ وَكَانَ أَبُو يُوسُفَ أَوَّلًا يَقُولُ إنَّهُ لَا يَنْعَقِدُ إلَّا بِوَلِيٍّ إذَا كَانَ لَهَا وَلِيٌّ، ثُمَّ رَجَعَ وَقَالَ: إنْ كَانَ الزَّوْجُ كُفْئًا لَهَا جَازَ وَإِلَّا فَلَا، ثُمَّ رَجَعَ وَقَالَ: جَازَ سَوَاءٌ كَانَ الزَّوْجُ كُفْئًا أَوْ لَمْ يَكُنْ، وَعِنْدَ مُحَمَّدٍ يَنْعَقِدُ مَوْقُوفًا عَلَى إجَازَةِ الْوَلِيِّ سَوَاءٌ كَانَ الزَّوْجُ كُفْئًا لَهَا أَوْ لَمْ يَكُنْ، وَيُرْوَى رُجُوعُهُ إلَى قَوْلِهِمَا: وَقَالَ مَالِكٌ وَالشَّافِعِيُّ: لَا يَنْفُذُ بِعِبَارَةِ النِّسَاءِ أَصْلًا لِقَوْلِهِ تَعَالَى {فَلا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ أَنْ يَنْكِحْنَ أَزْوَاجَهُنَّ} [البقرة: ٢٣٢]، فَلَوْلَا أَنَّ لَهُ وِلَايَةَ التَّزْوِيجِ لَمَا مُنِعَ عَنْ الْعَضْلِ، وَقَالَ الشَّافِعِيُّ هِيَ أَبْيَنُ آيَةٍ فِي كِتَابِ اللَّهِ تَعَالَى عَلَى اشْتِرَاطِ الْوَلِيِّ، وَلِقَوْلِهِ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – «لَا نِكَاحَ إلَّا بِوَلِيٍّ وَشَاهِدَيْ عَدْلٍ»
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ص117 – كتاب تبيين الحقائق شرح كنز الدقائق وحاشية الشلبي – باب الأولياء والأكفاء – المكتبة الشاملة
Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by Maulana Sakib Shadman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
