Fatwa ID: 07898

 

 

Answered by: Maulana Sakib Shadman

 

 

Question:

 

 

I am married to a muslim lady, we have 2 kids.

 

My wife is a good wife in the ethical side, she is very committed to islam, but she is not taking care of herself and not taking care of the house cleaning and even her own personal hygiene is not amazing.. this thing kept repelling me over the years.. and I am very tired of that.. whenever I ask her or explain to her , she is not listening, many times she said if you don’t like what I have so go find someone else satisfies what you want. Additionally, her mother is always taking a very negative role in our life, that lead many times to huge fights between us, these fights are getting more and more toxic that it started to affect the kids, I don’t want the kids to stay in this toxic environment, although she is a good mother for them, but she is not willing to calm down and put an end to these struggles we have.

 

I met a girl from other nationality, i know her for a while when was working out of the UK, i felt relieved talking to her and explaining to her my struggles, she is Christian. I know this girl very well, and she has all the aspects any man dream of in his wife, apart from being not Muslim, but she agreed to revert to islam if we were to get married.

 

Now i don’t know what to do, staying in my marriage with all this toxic environment that is affecting the kids and me, and tolerate the neglect of the house tidiness and the wife bad personal self care !! Or divorce her and marry the girl that I do love currently, which i feel will make me happier and more satisfied with her as a wife, but this will waste the family and hurt the kids also as they have to go through the trauma of separated parents..

 

 

I am in deep agony, I don’t know what to do.

 

 

 

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

 

Answer:

 

 

Wa alaykum Assalaam,

 

 

Firstly, talking to a woman who is not your wife or Mahram is completely impermissible. Talking to this Non-muslim woman is covertly causing a breakdown of your marriage, So please refrain from talking/ messaging with this woman from now in order to save yourself from committing haram. Often these relationships can result in adultery/ Zina.

 

 

Of course, your current wife should beautify herself for you and should look after her personal hygiene., but in marriage, one should focus on the positives instead of fixating on the negatives. Think about the fact that she is a caring mother to your children and that she is committed to Islam.

 

 

It is best to seek some sort of marriage counseling and try to work on your marriage, as divorce should be seen as a last resort. Again, whilst working on your marriage, do not keep in contact with the Christian woman. This haram relationship will destroy your halal marriage.

 

 

It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar that:

the Messenger of Allah said: “The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce. “

 

 

Divorce leads to many complications such as the upbringing of your children and other family/ financial issues, hence it is not to be taken lightly.

 

 

Also, try not to involve your mother in law in your marriage. Often, in-laws create problems, not solutions. This is because they are biased towards their own family member. A neutral mediator whom you and your wife mutually trust can often help you solve your marital issues. They may help you divide the household chores so that the burden is not solely on your wife. Perhaps she neglects her household chores due to being exhausted from looking after your children.

 

 

If your wife refuses to clean the house, either hire a maid or set an example by cleaning your house yourself. InshaAllah your wife will feel encouraged to take care of the house if she sees how important cleanliness is to you. Advise her that cleanliness is Half of Iman/faith (Sahih Muslim) as per the Hadith of Rasulullah (SAW). If she is a practising Muslim as you say, she should be particular about cleanliness.

 

 

If you have tried everything within your ability to fix your marriage and your wife still does not improve, and you really do not see a future with her, then again, consider divorce as a last resort.

 

 

Thereafter, make istikharah, consult senior ulema, and your family in regards to this Christian lady. If you conclude that you must marry this Christian woman; ask your guardian  to organize and arrange the marriage on your behalf by liasing with the Christian woman’s family. The Christian woman should take her Shahadah prior to the nikah.

 

 

Again, you must abstain from ALL further direct communication prior to the nikah. All further communication should be by means of your guardian who will act as an intermediary.

 

 

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Maulana Sakib Shadman

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

‏

 

References

 

 

حَدَّثَنَا كَثِيرُ بْنُ عُبَيْدٍ الْحِمْصِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ خَالِدٍ، عَنْ عُبَيْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ الْوَلِيدِ الْوَصَّافِيِّ، عَنْ مُحَارِبِ بْنِ دِثَارٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عُمَرَ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ ‏ “‏ أَبْغَضُ الْحَلاَلِ إِلَى اللَّهِ الطَّلاَقُ ‏”‏ ‏.‏

 

Sunan Ibn Majah 2018

Chapter 1: Divorce, Book 10: The Chapters on Divorce

Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)

https://sunnah.com/ibnmajah:2018

 

 

حَدَّثَنَا إِسْحَاقُ بْنُ مَنْصُورٍ، حَدَّثَنَا حَبَّانُ بْنُ هِلاَلٍ، حَدَّثَنَا أَبَانٌ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، أَنَّ زَيْدًا، حَدَّثَهُ أَنَّ أَبَا سَلاَّمٍ حَدَّثَهُ عَنْ أَبِي مَالِكٍ الأَشْعَرِيِّ، قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم ‏ “‏ الطُّهُورُ شَطْرُ الإِيمَانِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلأُ الْمِيزَانَ ‏.‏ وَسُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ وَالْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ تَمْلآنِ – أَوْ تَمْلأُ – مَا بَيْنَ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالأَرْضِ وَالصَّلاَةُ نُورٌ وَالصَّدَقَةُ بُرْهَانٌ وَالصَّبْرُ ضِيَاءٌ وَالْقُرْآنُ حُجَّةٌ لَكَ أَوْ عَلَيْكَ كُلُّ النَّاسِ يَغْدُو فَبَائِعٌ نَفْسَهُ فَمُعْتِقُهَا أَوْ مُوبِقُهَا ‏”‏ ‏.‏

 

Abu Malik at-Ash’ari reported: The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: Cleanliness is half of faith and al-Hamdu Lillah (all praise and gratitude is for Allah alone) fills the scale, and Subhan Allah (Glory be to Allah) and al-Hamdu Lillah fill up what is between the heavens and the earth, and prayer is a light, and charity is proof (of one’s faith) and endurance is a brightness and the Holy Qur’an is a proof on your behalf or against you. All men go out early in the morning and sell themselves, thereby setting themselves free or destroying themselves.

 

 

Sahih Muslim 223

Chapter 1: The virtue of wudu’, Book 2: The Book of Purification

https://sunnah.com/muslim:223

 

الْخَلْوَةُ بِالْأَجْنَبِيَّةِ حَرَامٌ إلَّا لِمُلَازَمَةِ مَدْيُونَةٍ هَرَبَتْ وَدَخَلَتْ خَرِبَةً أَوْ كَانَتْ عَجُوزًا شَوْهَاءَ أَوْ بِحَائِلٍ، وَالْخَلْوَةُ بِالْمَحْرَمِ مُبَاحَةٌ

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م: (ولهذا تحرم الخلوة) ش: أي ولأجل زيادة الفتنة بانضمام المرأة إليها تحرم الخلوة على الزوج م: (بالأجنبية) ش: أي بالمرأة الأجنبية م: (وإن كان معها غيرها) ش: أي مع الأجنبية غير الأجنبية.

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ص152 – كتاب البناية شرح الهداية – اشتراط الزوج أو المحرم للمرأة في الحج – المكتبة الشاملة

 

(امْتَنَعَتْ الْمَرْأَةُ) مِنْ الطَّحْنِ وَالْخَبْزِ (إنْ كَانَتْ مِمَّنْ لَا تَخْدِمُ) أَوْ كَانَ بِهَا عِلَّةٌ (فَعَلَيْهِ أَنْ يَأْتِيَهَا بِطَعَامٍ مُهَيَّإٍ وَإِلَّا) بِأَنْ كَانَتْ مِمَّنْ تَخْدِمُ نَفْسَهَا وَتَقْدِرُ عَلَى ذَلِكَ (لَا) يَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ وَلَا يَجُوزُ لَهَا أَخْذُ الْأُجْرَةِ عَلَى ذَلِكَ لِوُجُوبِهِ عَلَيْهَا دِيَانَةً وَلَوْ شَرِيفَةً؛ لِأَنَّهُ – عَلَيْهِ الصَّلَاةُ وَالسَّلَامُ – قَسَّمَ الْأَعْمَالَ بَيْنَ عَلِيٍّ وَفَاطِمَةَ، فَجَعَلَ أَعْمَالَ الْخَارِجِ عَلَى عَلِيٍّ – رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُ – وَالدَّاخِلِ عَلَى فَاطِمَةَ – رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهَا – مَعَ أَنَّهَا سَيِّدَةُ نِسَاءِ الْعَالَمِينَ بَحْرٌ. (وَيَجِبُ عَلَيْهِ آلَةُ طَحْنٍ وَخُبْزٍ وَآنِيَةُ شَرَابٍ وَطَبْخٍ كَكُوزٍ وَجَرَّةٍ وَقِدْرٍ وَمِغْرَفَةٍ) وَكَذَا سَائِرُ أَدَوَاتِ الْبَيْتِ كَحُصُرٍ وَلِبْدٍ وَطِنْفَسَةٍ، وَمَا تَتَنَظَّفُ بِهِ وَتُزِيلُ الْوَسَخَ كَمُشْطٍ وَأُشْنَانٍ وَمَا يَمْنَعُ الصُّنَانَ، وَمَدَاسِ رِجْلِهَا، وَتَمَامُهُ فِي الْجَوْهَرَةِ وَالْبَحْرِ. وَفِيهِ أُجْرَةُ الْقَابِلَةِ عَلَى مَنْ اسْتَأْجَرَهَا مِنْ زَوْجَةٍ وَزَوْجٍ وَلَوْ جَاءَتْ بِلَا اسْتِئْجَارٍ، –

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(وَتُفْرَضُ عَلَيْهِ) أَيْ عَلَى الزَّوْجِ (نَفَقَةُ خَادِمٍ وَاحِدٍ) مِلْكًا (لَهَا لَوْ) كَانَ الزَّوْجُ (مُوسِرًا) ؛ لِأَنَّ كِفَايَتَهَا وَاجِبَةٌ عَلَيْهِ، وَهَذَا مِنْ تَمَامِهَا وَفِي قَوْلِهِ لَهَا إشْعَارٌ بِأَنَّهُ يُشْتَرَطُ لِلْإِجْبَارِ عَلَى النَّفَقَةِ كَوْنُ الْخَادِمِ مِلْكًا لَهَا، وَهُوَ ظَاهِرُ الرِّوَايَةِ وَلِهَذَا قَيَّدَهُ الزَّيْلَعِيُّ فِي شَرْحِ الْكَنْزِ بِمَمْلُوكٍ لَهَا فَإِنْ كَانَ غَيْرَ مَمْلُوكٍ لَهَا لَا تَسْتَحِقُّ النَّفَقَةَ لِلْخَادِمِ وَقِيلَ عَلَيْهِ نَفَقَةُ الْخَادِمِ وَلَوْ حُرًّا، وَهَذَا إذَا كَانَتْ الزَّوْجَةُ حُرَّةً، وَإِنْ كَانَتْ أَمَةً لَا تَسْتَحِقُّ نَفَقَةَ الْخَادِمِ.

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ص487 – كتاب مجمع الأنهر في شرح ملتقى الأبحر – باب النفقة – المكتبة الشاملة

 

قال السيوطي – رحمه الله -: «والتبرج بالزينة: أي إظهارها للناس الأجانب، وهو المذموم، فأما للزوج فلا، وهو معنى قوله: «لغير محلها» (٢).

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ص315 – كتاب إظهار الحق والصواب في حكم الحجاب – ثانيا التبرج كبيرة موبقة – المكتبة الشاملة