Fatwa ID: 06991
Answered by: Alimah Sherbhanu Jadwat
Question:
I understand that in Islam that both the husband and the wife have different rights and duties depending on the nature of each, which indeed makes a lot of sense. However, I am seeing things that make me to never what to marry. I am seeing Islamic videos and articles saying that according to the Quran (Surat Yusuf) and hadith (like farewell speech) that a wife in her husband eyes she is like a slave or a captive to him and he to her is a master. She is not a slave in the sense he can sell her, but in all or most the other aspects she is like a captive or a slave to him. is this true? While I understand that slaves, women or anyone else must not be physically or verbally harmed. But no one on the face of earth likes to view as a slave or a captive and have a master. I am not arguing against a woman having to obey her husband in what is reasonable, but why she is like a slave to him and he is like a master. How it is possible that a woman if she knows her position in to him is a slave and his position to her is a master. Why are they not considered in Islam as to life partners, rather than a slave/master relationship. This makes me to never what to marry, because I do not want to be treated as a slave to another human nor treat someone else as a master, as this will make me feel very bad about myself.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
The Only Being we are slaves to is Allah. Neither does the husband own the wife nor does the wife own the husband. Each one in their dealings with each other , or with anyone else , is in fact dealing with Allah.
Allah Himself has beautifully explained the inter-dependent relationship of spouses in the marriage bond ‘ He is a garment onto her, and she is a garment onto him’. Marriage is thus a place of love and mercy , to attain mutual physical and psychological comfort and to uplift each other to progress spiritually and gain closer proximity to Allah.
In the farewell sermon, Nabi Sallalaahu alayhi wasallam is in fact warning men not to treat women oppressively , in no way is it enslaving wives.
Nabi Sallalaahu alayhi wasallam was not dictatorial, nor had expectations from his wives regarding matters not related to their Deen, nor made them feel enslaved. He never demanded his needs but requested whether a meal was available. The best of all creation assisted his wives in their household chores. He said to the effect, that the best among you are those who are best to their families
It is the natural order of things that there should be a leader or Ameer who makes intelligent decisions in the best interest of all those under his care. The husband is the Ameer who has to maintain and take care of the needs of his family. Men too can feel overwhelmed as they are solely responsible for all financial expences and societal pressure to socially support their families in a dignified manner.
Usually balanced spouses who are not dysfunctional , or selfish control freaks , discuss issues rationally and make joint decisions together. The husband, being the Ameer and caretaker of the home , makes the final decision in the best interests of all his beloved family members.
References:
اُحِلَّ لَـکُمۡ لَيۡلَةَ الصِّيَامِ الرَّفَثُ اِلٰى نِسَآٮِٕكُمۡؕ هُنَّ لِبَاسٌ لَّـكُمۡ وَاَنۡـتُمۡ لِبَاسٌ لَّهُنَّ ؕ
سورة البقرة ١٨٧
وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
سورة الروم ٢١
عَنْ عَائِشَةَ قَالَتْ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لِأَهْلِي وَإِذَا مَاتَ صَاحِبُكُمْ فَدَعُوهُ
سنن الترمذي ٣٨٩٥
Only Allah (عز و جل) knows best.
Written by Alimah Sherbhanu Jadwat
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
