Fatwa ID: 06361

Answered by: Alimah Zainab Nakhuda

Question:

There was a situation of argument between husband and wife. The husband, at a moment of the argument, said to his wife, “you should taste the pain of Zihaar” and then, the wife replied, “Do it!” and then the husband said to the wife, “You are to me like my mother”.

But, later, the husband said that he didn’t intend to make Zihaar. He said the words of Zihaar with no intention.
Has the Zihaar been made by the husband?

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

Answer:

When it comes to Zihaar, the intention is to be there. Ibn Qudamah mentions in his Al-Mughni:

وإن قال : أنت علي كأمي . أو : مثل أمي . ونوى به الظهار , فهو ظهار , في قول عامة العلماء ، وإن نوى به الكرامة والتوقير فليس بظهار وهكذا لو قال : أنت أمي , أو : امرأتي أمي.

Most scholars agree that if he says, “You are to me like my mother,” intending Zihaar, then it is Zihaar. It is not Zihaar, though, if he meant to respect and honour her. The same holds true if he says, “my wife is my mother,” or “You are my mother”. [Al Mughni Vol 6 page 8]

You mentioned that the husband didn’t intend Zihaar, rather it was a joke. This means that his intention wasn’t there thus Zihaar doesn’t occur. Even the wife in this instant when she said “do it” to the husband gave him the green light to say that which is compatible with Zihar, this is also wrong. The whole situation more or less turned out to be full of irrelevance and very childish.

Nonetheless, Even if one is joking regarding Zihaar, one should not say this and must refrain from uttering such words. Allah SWT mentions in the Qur’an:

ٱلَّذِينَ يُظَـٰهِرُونَ مِنكُم مِّن نِّسَآئِهِم مَّا هُنَّ أُمَّهَـٰتِهِمْ ۖ إِنْ أُمَّهَـٰتُهُمْ إِلَّا ٱلَّـٰٓـِٔى وَلَدْنَهُمْ ۚ وَإِنَّهُمْ لَيَقُولُونَ مُنكَرًۭا مِّنَ ٱلْقَوْلِ وَزُورًۭا ۚ وَإِنَّ ٱللَّهَ لَعَفُوٌّ غَفُورٌۭ

Those who pronounce Zihaar among you (to separate) from their wives – they are not (consequently) their mothers. Their mothers are none but those who gave birth to them. And indeed, they are saying an objectionable statement and a falsehood. But indeed, Allah is Pardoning and Forgiving. [Surah Mujaadalah verse 2]

Only Allah knows best

Written by Maulana Burhaan Rahman

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham