Fatwa ID: 06451
Answered by: Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Question:
On the 31st of January, I went to drop my son at my in-law’s house where my wife is living nowadays. She is living with her mums because a year ago someone told her that I am getting married in Pakistan which was not true, I went to Pakistan to see my dad as he wasn’t well. When I came back we argued every single day then one day I told her to go live with her mum as everyday arguments are not good for our son. I thought that if we live apart for a bit we will be ok. All this time we have been meeting on the good term for the sake of our son. My mother-in-law was not well for 2-3 months she was looking after her so I didn’t bother her. My son wrote me a letter on 28th January in which he mentioned that he wanted to see me every day. I was worried about him so I called his mum in the car on 31st January 2021 (17:00) to talk to her about moving in with me as my son Hisham is suffering. She said to me we will move in when her house mortgage will be sorted. I told her to move in for a month to my flat so we come to know whether we can live together or not. She said, she is not going to move into the flat as she will move into the house with me. I said to her I can’t wait any longer as Hisham (my son) is suffering. She said to me you are doing this because you have plan to divorce me. I replied, I don’t have any such type of plan as you are the mum of my son and I know why you are not moving in with me because of your family (mum and brothers) she replied that you are supporting someone in Pakistan referring to my brother’s family, which I never supported she always accuse me of that. We always had big arguments about it and we started arguing that day again. I got really angry, and I lost my mind, and I said to her I am giving you 3 talak. It was unintentional. As soon as I said it I realize I did this wrong. I didn’t know that she later told my sister-in-law that she was fasting and her mind was not in the right state and we both end up arguing for nothing. We both are now regretting what happened.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Living with a spouse should emit compassion towards the wife and love towards the husband is a focal point in the marriage and elevates one in his/her good deeds
وَمِنۡ اٰيٰتِه اَنۡ خَلَقَ لَكُمۡ مِّنۡ اَنۡفُسِكُمۡ اَزۡوَاجًا لِّتَسۡكُنُوۡۤا اِلَيۡهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيۡنَكُمۡ مَّوَدَّةً وَّرَحۡمَةً
And of His Signs is that He has created mates for you from your own kind that you may find peace in them and He has set between you love and mercy [Surah Rum verse 21]
And doing this (showing compassion to the spouse etc.) in one’s life shows gratitude toward Allah SWT and pleases Allah and when one pleases Allah SWT he increases someone’s situation in all aspects of life if he wills.
لَئِن شَكَرْتُمْ لَأَزِيدَنَّكُمْ
If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [Surah Ibraaheem verse 7]
As Muslims, we must understand that Nikaah (Marriage contract) and Talaq (divorce) are not things to be taken lightly when considering doing it, and we must understand their seriousness of it. Our beloved prophet SAW said:
ثلاث جدهن جد وهزلهن جد: النكاح والطلاق والرجعة
“Three are serious when they are serious, and serious when they are in jest (joke): Marriage, divorce, and return.” [Abu Dawud Hadeeth number:2194/ Tirmidhi Hadeeth no: 1184]
If you uttered the words whilst in extreme anger so much so, you weren’t thinking clearly etc. then the divorce does not happen as our beloved prophet SAW has said:
لَا طَلَاقَ وَلَا عَتَاقَ فِي إِغْلَاقٍ
“There is no divorce and no manumission in the event of clear thoughtlessness.” [Ibn Majah Hadeeth no: 2046].
Anger can affect that which has an intense impact to affect a person’s mind or rational thinking; he doesn’t know what he is saying and what he means.
Always remember the Du’aa (below) and utter it occasionally:
رَبَّنَا لَا تُؤَاخِذۡنَاۤ اِنۡ نَّسِيۡنَاۤ اَوۡ اَخۡطَاۡنَا
“(Our Lord) Punish us not if we forget or fall into error.” [Surah Baqarah verse 286]
We ask Allah SWT to remove ourselves from saying those things that are harmful and those things that can have a detrimental effect on others. May the almighty keep all of us on the steady right path and show immense compassion to each other. Aameen
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Burhaan Rahman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
