Fatwa ID: 06414

 

Answered by: Alimah Zakiratul Hoque

 

Question:

 

To what extent am I (as a wife) obliged to have a relationship with my in-laws?

 

I got married in a very chaotic way. My mother-in-law and father-in-law live in Pakistan. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law have settled in the UK. At the time of Nikkah, everyone participated but the boy’s side did not want to do the ruksati yet. My mother-in-law eventually went back to Pakistan while I was still living at my parent’s house. After a year and a half of my parents begging them to take ruksati, they gave my husband (who was in the UK) to either take ruksati or give me divorce as it was a zulm and my inlaws were not compromising at all and were still refusing to take me. My husband chose to take me home. Since that day til today, they have not once called me or welcomed me into their home. Instead, they are upset with me and my family. Now my husband is constantly telling me to come back home with him/call them but I dont feel comfortable doing so because of the way I got married.

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

I understand that the circumstances of your marriage were less than ideal. However, it would be best for you to try to reconcile with your in-laws. It is possible that they will warm up to you after they get to know you. You can start to do this by speaking to them on the phone and showing an interest in reconciliation. If you prefer not to call them yourself, you could speak to them for a short while when your husband calls them.

 

Allah says in the Qur’an regarding those who maintain ties of kinship:

 

“…those who honour Allah’s covenant, never breaking the pledge; and those who maintain whatever ˹ties˺ Allah has ordered to be maintained, stand in awe of their Lord, and fear strict judgment. And those who endure patiently, seeking their Lord’s pleasure, establish prayer, donate from what We have provided for them—secretly and openly—and respond to evil with good. It is they who will have the ultimate abode: the Gardens of Eternity, which they will enter along with the righteous among their parents, spouses, and descendants. And the angels will enter upon them from every gate, ˹saying,˺ “Peace be upon you for your perseverance. How excellent is the ultimate abode!” (Qur’an, 13:20-24) ⁽¹⁾

 

Abdullah bin Amr (Ra) narrates:

The Prophet ﷺ said, “Al-Wasil is not the one who recompenses the good done to him by his relatives, but Al-Wasil is the one who keeps good relations with those relatives who had severed the bond of kinship with him.” (Sahih Al Bukhari, 5991) ⁽²⁾

 

If they are still unwelcoming after multiple attempts and do not want to keep relations with you, you should speak to your husband regarding the matter. Allah has set love and mercy between couples, and you should try to maintain that and interact with each other with love and mercy.

 

Allah says in the Qur’an:

 

“And of His Signs is that He has created mates for you from your own kind that you may find peace in them and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely there are Signs in this for those who reflect.” (Qur’an, 30:21) ⁽²⁾

 

To summarize, you should try to develop a good relationship with the despite the events of the past. If they are still unwelcoming and are not interested in keeping good relations with you, you should explain the situation to your husband and try to come to an understanding.

 

 

⁽¹⁾

ٱلَّذِينَ يُوفُونَ بِعَهْدِ ٱللَّهِ وَلَا يَنقُضُونَ ٱلْمِيثَـٰقَ وَٱلَّذِينَ يَصِلُونَ مَآ أَمَرَ ٱللَّهُ بِهِۦٓ أَن يُوصَلَ وَيَخْشَوْنَ رَبَّهُمْ وَيَخَافُونَ سُوٓءَ ٱلْحِسَابِ وَٱلَّذِينَ صَبَرُوا۟ ٱبْتِغَآءَ وَجْهِ رَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا۟ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَنفَقُوا۟ مِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ سِرًّۭا وَعَلَانِيَةًۭ وَيَدْرَءُونَ بِٱلْحَسَنَةِ ٱلسَّيِّئَةَ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ لَهُمْ عُقْبَى ٱلدَّارِجَنَّـٰتُ عَدْنٍ يَدْخُلُونَهَا وَمَن صَلَحَ مِنْ ءَابَآئِهِمْ وَأَزْوَٰجِهِمْ وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِهِمْ وَٱلْمَلَـٰٓئِكَةُ يَدْخُلُونَ عَلَيْهِم مِّن كُلِّ بَابٍ سَلَـٰمٌ عَلَيْكُم بِمَا صَبَرْتُمْ فَنِعْمَ عُقْبَى ٱلدَّارِ

 

 

⁽²⁾

عنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو ـ وَقَالَ سُفْيَانُ لَمْ يَرْفَعْهُ الأَعْمَشُ إِلَى النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم وَرَفَعَهُ حَسَنٌ وَفِطْرٌ ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ لَيْسَ الْوَاصِلُ بِالْمُكَافِئِ، وَلَكِنِ الْوَاصِلُ الَّذِي إِذَا قَطَعَتْ رَحِمُهُ وَصَلَهَا

 

 

⁽³⁾

وَمِنْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَٰجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓا۟ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِى ذَٰلِكَ لَـَٔايَـٰتٍۢ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ

 

 

 

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Alimah Zakiratul Hoque

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham