Fatwa ID: 07545
Answered by: Maulana Sakib Shadman
Question:
Asalamualaikum, please may you reply as soon as you see this. I have extreme waswasa which affects me every single minute (or every couple of minutes) every day (not an exaggeration) to do with the d-word, this happens in prayer, dhikr, sleep, eating food, doing anything with my wife, literally anything. It happens all day every day.
I used to be active physically and mentally and thought if you have these mental problems just exercise or just be put in Africa or Palestine and live the life they are living, and then see if you worry about OCD when you are fighting for food or survival etc, but now it’s affecting me severely.
Alhumdulillah I got married on March 4 2024, at 20 years of age, it was with a woman I was in a haraam relationship with but I wanted the haraam to go and married during university and did a lot of night shifts (patrolling as a security guard) to make ends meet Alhumdullilah.
My waswasa got really bad regarding the “d” word. I can’t even say anything unrelated to it which starts with “D” or “T” or anything without thinking about it. The conditional statements run in my mind every second. For example- a man can just be asking a normal question, whether angry happy or whatever and in his head after every statement he makes ever, the end bit “or the d word happens” or the actual “I d word you” or “she is d word” literally is always in my head or it’s just the “d” or “t” word on its own. Literally any possible D-word statement you can think of is always in my head, and it is every moment.
I kept consulting muftis and imams and asking questions and they eventually blocked me, stopped answering or they may go to study in another country so I can’t really contact anybody. I kind of just (although unreliable) put my problems into chat GPT and go with that.
May Allah reward all these Muftis/ Imams who dealt with me, the problem is, I ask questions and it’s all good that they answer. They all give guidelines. But the problem is new scenarios occur in which I think “Oh I need to tell them this”. Deep down I know it doesn’t do anything but I just have a compulsion to ask.
I have always had OCD now that I think of it, my mum was a single mum before she remarried, and I used to do dua for her for ages naming all things that could possibly happen, I would list them all as a young kid in my hands till my hands hurt to make sure if I do dua for every single thing, a bad thing won’t happen to her when she goes to study or anything,
I would later stop doing this and it would be very minor and would be about cleaning and then other small things like sorting out stuff, I grew up and now it’s come to my marriage. I also believe most of my family have OCD, and a guy related to me actually died in Ramadan because of OCD and the medication he took. Everyone in my family just ignores it though to be honest.
All these Imams and muftis tell me to ignore it, they give me Dhikr to read and tell me to increase my knowledge, I do this but it’s hard. One Imam also did ruqya. They also tell me that under waswasa nothing counts which is all well.
The problem is sometimes I think these things without waswasa, I think these thoughts/ statements myself, or I think that I think of them myself and I’m worried if the questions below do anything. I’ve done some research and want to know if my knowledge is correct-
Nowadays, I just sit down in my room or anywhere and think, I have bitten my tongue so hard I feel my adult teeth slowly getting weaker like they are about to fall out just to stop myself from doing anything.
Please don’t answer these according to waswasa, these are all hypothetical scenarios that I would please want answering as if it’s a man with intention (or not) according to what I’ve written in the question.
Jazakallah.
What does not count-
1- if a man may be upset or angry or something, and thinking about the ‘d word’ or imagining a scenario which he intends in his head. And god forbid he accidentally absentmindedly OUT LOUD say the full sentence whilst thinking of the scenario, even though he Didn’t mean to verbally say it, it doesn’t count right? Even if his wife is there?
2- Am I right in believing that if a man INTENDED ‘D WORD’ by mouthing the entire explicit words of ‘d word’ but there’s no like sound produced, even tho ur lips tongue and mouth moved, it doesn’t count right? Even if your wife/someone saw ur mouth?
3- With the intention of the ‘d word’ by this- do physical actions not count? Such as a man pressing an implicit word on a screen, a man pressing (not typing), the word “cancel” on his phone as his wife is there with the intention of thinking he’s “cancelling nikkah” or slamming something like the door or shutting the door with the intention of ‘d word’ by doing that?
4- If a man intentionally with the intention of causing a ‘d word’ by doing this- thinks of explicit words/ statements such as full “T word” or “t word is given* or “I (explicit word) you” or anything. And intentionally moves his tongue before he thinks of it or during thinking it or after thinking of it, doesn’t form any words, and what if he maybe forms the first few letters with his tongue? Does this not count?
5- What if a man Purposely thinks of ‘d word’ with the intention of issuing ‘d word’ through statements/ sentences in his mind, as his tongue moves as he’s saying other words in normal conversation, or whilst he’s eating/ talking/ praying, or looking/talking to the wife, but not saying the actual words.
6-If a man intentionally expresses the full rhythm of an explicit sentence related to divorce, like “| divorce you,” “You are divorced,” or “If you do this, you are divorced,” or any type of ‘d word’ statement, and if he intended ‘d word’ by doing these-
-biting tongue down and the tongue moves in rhythm with explicit sentences as it’s bitten down
-biting tongue down in rhythm with explicit sentences, biting down harder or lighter in rhythm,
-breathing in/out through his nose and or mouth, making breathing sounds in rhythm,
- -making noise in rhythm with no word through the mouth.
-swallowing in rhythm with sound,
- – moaning in rhythm with sound.
-moving his mouth in rhythm with the sound.
-licking/ biting teeth with sounds in a rhythm of words.
So if he intended ‘d word’ by doing any of these in rhythm of explicit statements, it doesn’t count as he’s not actually saying words?
7-If on purpose someone keeps saying out loud “wallahi nothing happens” to waswasa, whenever the thoughts come in ones head as it’s said, HE DELIBERATELY THINKS THE THOUGHT “d word happens” comes to his head as he verbally says “nothing happens”, is this also invalid as its a thought?
8- Saying incomplete phrases for example- if a man says “If you do this you are ‘d word’” and he thinks this statement and only says out loud the letter “D” and the rest is in his mind.
Or he is going to say “ I ‘d word’ you” and he only says out loud “I” and the rest is in his head.
9- saying “ta ala” in namaaz, or any word, and thinks of the EXPLICIT word to compare as he’s saying it. Such as comparing to the ‘T word’.
Also saying “ignore” and as he says it he thinks “If this happens then d word” as he says it same time to compare what he’s saying to what is in his head.
Also said out loud “ ignore” and compared with the ‘d word’ only in his head.
If a man intended ‘d word’ by doing this (comparing what he’s saying to ‘d word’ statements in his head). would it also be invalid as it’s not the full word?
10- Also I just wanted to know, I’ve never had intention or ever will but-
if someone is saying “Wallahi I’ll never leave my wife no matter what” to himself as an oath, but in their mind they are also thinking of negative scenarios involving her as their mouth is moving to say an oath, and as they are saying it, they know they would ‘d word’ for them scenarios, is it ‘d word’ even tho he knows he’s lying as he’s saying the oath? But doesn’t express the fact he would for them scenarios?
11) Am I correct in believing the only possible way any ‘d word’ can happen is by a minimum sound so that the speaker can hear himself clearly? If not nothing else counts even with intention?
- The wife threatens to leave her husband if he does something again. She says “I’ll leave if you do this” and if the husband did the physical thing with the intention of ‘d word’? Does it not count?
- Same thing as number 12 but he does the thing without the intention of ‘d word’ rather he’s just annoyed at the threats. Does it not count?
14) when having these thoughts in your head- like “if I do this then ….” If the husband has these thoughts so he repeatedly does something or he avoids something again and again.
depending on the thought, For example a man may think “if I don’t ask my wife to come in house she is ‘d word’….”
So he keeps asking her to come in verbally (without saying the rest) if she doesn’t come in does nothing happen?
- also what if a man had a thought “If I do this then…” and he then did the thing which is opening his mouth and touching his teeth with his tongue and got worried he had a conditional thought about doing it and he did it. He then opened his mouth again to check how he did it? Does this not do anything?
- When trying to ignore thoughts he decided to not keep his tongue bitten so he let it free. He then has thoughts and keeps his tongue still because he’s scared something could happen if it moves (like he’s saying something) and it moves does anything happen if he’s unsure if it happens on purpose or not.
17 If a man moves his tongue (without forming any words? with the intention of causing a ‘d word’ by doing that, does nothing happen?
- What happens if a man tells himself he has no intention of ‘d word’ in his head, his wife and him are happy on a drive, no issues? He goes to lick his teeth and has no thoughts in his head as he usually does. He then in the moment has a weird feeling (no thoughts no words) as he’s licking his teeth as if he does have intention of d word by doing this. Just a feeling inside him like he has intention by doing that? Does nothing happen as nothing is said or anything?
19- if a man says the word “conditional divorce” or just “ divorce “ in the presence of his wife out loud with no intention, does nothing happen?
Also as I typed this and I typed “presence of his wife” and image of my wife popped up in my head? Again do thoughts like these do nothing ?
20-I was talking to my friend about relationships and a girl who he was with and who I was trying to push her to marry and make it halal,
and I said, “ You should never leave each other unless it’s really bad” Then I got scared that it might be a conditional statement, so l added, “Even though even then you never leave””
I was also about to say, “You have done bad things but treated her good, but if you did bad things and treated her bad, then it makes sense that she isn’t with you” Could either of these be considered a conditional divorce statement, and do they have any effect? , the condition potentially being the relationship being really bad or doing bad things and treating bad.
- I once had the thought “if I don’t cheat on wife then d word” As I had this thought I was about to say the word “despicable” as these thoughts are despicable. I only ended up saying the letter “D” or I breathed out the letter D through my nose in rhythm of its sound. I don’t know which. So basically I’ve now had this thought and somehow expressed the letter D through my breath or whatever and I get terrified. I then the next day signed up to multiple dating apps to cheat ( I know extremely stupid) but then I realised the d I somehow was gonna express (which I’m not sure of I said or breathed out) was actually the word “despicable”. I also realised if a man says an incomplete phrase even with intention , such as he’s about to say d word with intention but only says letter d, it doesn’t count. So I started deleting all the apps and accounts.
I’m worried because:
22- When I made my bio or messaged women, I didn’t mention straight away, That I’m married on the apps or on some apps i didn’t mention at all. Does this do anything ?
23- When I deleted the apps they asked me the reason I’m deleting it. I simply chose the option which said “too many fake accounts” or “bots” does this do anything ?
24- I’m worried because on one of the apps they asked me why I want to delete, they gave 4 options which are:
Found/in a relationship
Billing issues
Dissatisfied with service
Other
And I don’t know which one to choose for this app.
My question is which option should I choose without causing anything?
Thanks for your time and effort May Allah out you in the highest ranks of jannah in truly suffering and half the stupid things I’ve done in my thoughts is just tiring. I’m looking for OCD treatments etc but they take a lot of time to diagnose you or anything.
Jazakallah for answering.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Wa alaykum Assalaam
I understand that OCD is a medical condition that can really play with one’s mind. Of course, there are some steps that you can take to reduce your OCD and Waswasa. However, my advice would be to also see a practising Muslim psychologist or even psychiatrist regarding your condition.
They will be able to give you a proper diagnosis and treatment according to your condition.
Now as for your 24 hypothetical scenarios,
Please note that there are 2 types of Talaq.
- Explicit Talaq: This is when you use clear words of Talaq which have no ambiguity. E.g. saying to your wife, “you are divorced”. In this case, no matter what your intention is, Talaq will apply, even if you’re joking or forced to do so.
- Implicit Talaq: This is when you use words that are ambiguous or could have different meanings, one of which is Talaq. In this case, Talaq will only occur if you intend Talaq upon saying these words.
Based on this, the answer to your hypothetical scenarios is as follows:
- If he used explicit words of Talaq, the divorce will occur whether he intends it or not as mentioned above. If he uses implicit words, divorce will not take place as there was no intention.
- Divorce will take place as the words need to be audible to the extent that you can hear yourself say it.
- Not divorce
- Not divorce
- Not divorce
- While I did not totally understand what you meant here, please refer to the answer to your 2nd hypothetical question. For Talaq to occur, he simply needs to say the words I divorce you in an audible voice such that he can hear it.
7) Not divorce
8) Not divorce
9) Not divorce
10) Not divorce
11) Your understanding is correct
12) Not divorce
13) not divorce
14) Not divorce
15) Not divorce
16) Not divorce
17) Not divorce
18) Not divorce
19) If he just said the word ‘talaq’ or ‘conditional talaq’ without any intention in front of his wife then no divorce takes place.
20) You uttering those words would not break your friend’s marriage., nor your own marriage.
21) Not divorce
22) Not divorce
23) Not divorce
24) Pick whichever answer you like. Either way, it is not divorce.
Finally, I would like to say that in the future, please refrain from asking hypothetical scenarios to any Mufti or Imam. I can understand why other Muftis and Imams eventually stopped answering your questions, as you mentioned in your introduction. It is against etiquette to keep asking hypothetical questions like this to scholars.
However, I understand you have severe OCD so just try your best to fight your waswasa. Brother, you need urgent professional mental help. Please make that your top priority. May Allah Ta’ala make things easy for you. Also, you can try the steps below to cure your waswasa:
Also, whenever Shaytan whispers doubts into your mind, seek refuge with Allah by reciting:
أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ
Thereafter, keep your mind busy by contemplating and pondering over the Glorious Quran and its beautiful verses. The Quran is a cure for illnesses such as excessive whispers from the Shaytan.
Finally, keep yourself busy in the remembrance of Allah and ponder over his greatness. Keeping your mind busy with these noble acts should drive away the whispers of the Shaytan. Try not to keep your mind idle, because that will invite the whispers of Shaytan.
Regarding this, Allah Ta’ala says in the holy Qur’an:
{ وَمَن یَعۡشُ عَن ذِكۡرِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ نُقَیِّضۡ لَهُۥ شَیۡطَـٰنࣰا فَهُوَ لَهُۥ قَرِینࣱ }
[Surah Az-Zukhruf: 36]
‘And whoever is blinded from remembrance of the Most Merciful – We appoint for him a devil, and he is to him a companion’
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Sakib Shadman
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
فَشَرَطَ الْهِنْدُوَانِيُّ وَالْفَضْلِيُّ لِوُجُودِهَا خُرُوجَ صَوْتٍ يَصِلُ إلَى أُذُنِهِ، وَبِهِ قَالَ الشَّافِعِيُّ.
ص534 – كتاب حاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار ط الحلبي – فصل في القراءة – المكتبة الشاملة
(الطَّلَاقُ عَلَى ضَرْبَيْنِ: صَرِيحٌ، وَكِنَايَةٌ. فَالصَّرِيحُ قَوْلُهُ: أَنْتِ طَالِقٌ وَمُطَلَّقَةٌ وَطَلَّقْتُك فَهَذَا يَقَعُ بِهِ الطَّلَاقُ الرَّجْعِيُّ) لِأَنَّ هَذِهِ الْأَلْفَاظَ تُسْتَعْمَلُ فِي الطَّلَاقِ وَلَا تُسْتَعْمَلُ فِي غَيْرِهِ فَكَانَ صَرِيحًا
ص3 – كتاب العناية شرح الهداية بهامش فتح القدير ط الحلبي – باب إيقاع الطلاق – المكتبة الشاملة
بَابُ الْكِنَايَاتِ (كِنَايَتُهُ) عِنْدَ الْفُقَهَاءِ (مَا لَمْ يُوضَعْ لَهُ) أَيْ الطَّلَاقِ (وَاحْتَمَلَهُ) وَغَيْرَهُ (فَ) الْكِنَايَاتُ (لَا تَطْلُقُ بِهَا)
ص296 – كتاب حاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار ط الحلبي – باب الكنايات – المكتبة الشاملة
وَأَفَادَ أَنَّ طَلَاقَ الْهَازِلِ، وَاللَّاعِبِ، وَالْمُخْطِئِ وَاقِعٌ كَمَا قَدَّمْنَاهُ لَكِنَّهُ فِي الْقَضَاءِ
ص277 – كتاب البحر الرائق شرح كنز الدقائق ومنحة الخالق وتكملة الطوري – باب ألفاظ الطلاق – المكتبة الشاملة
وَيَدْخُلُ نَحْوُ طَلَاغٍ وَتَلَاغٍ وَطَلَاكٍ وَتَلَاكٍ أَوْ ” طَ لَ قَ ” أَوْ ” طَلَاقٍ بَاشٍ ” بِلَا فَرْقٍ بَيْنَ عَالِمٍ وَجَاهِلٍ، وَإِنْ قَالَ تَعَمَّدْته تَخْوِيفًا لَمْ يُصَدَّقْ قَضَاءً إلَّا إذَا أَشْهَدَ عَلَيْهِ قَبْلَهُ وَبِهِ يُفْتَى؛
ص249 – كتاب حاشية ابن عابدين رد المحتار ط الحلبي – باب صريح الطلاق – المكتبة الشاملة
{ وَإِمَّا یَنزَغَنَّكَ مِنَ ٱلشَّیۡطَـٰنِ نَزۡغࣱ فَٱسۡتَعِذۡ بِٱللَّهِۖ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلسَّمِیعُ ٱلۡعَلِیمُ }
[Surah Fuṣṣilat: 36]
{ یَـٰۤأَیُّهَا ٱلنَّاسُ قَدۡ جَاۤءَتۡكُم مَّوۡعِظَةࣱ مِّن رَّبِّكُمۡ وَشِفَاۤءࣱ لِّمَا فِی ٱلصُّدُورِ وَهُدࣰى وَرَحۡمَةࣱ لِّلۡمُؤۡمِنِینَ }
[Surah Yūnus: 57]
{ وَمَن یَعۡشُ عَن ذِكۡرِ ٱلرَّحۡمَـٰنِ نُقَیِّضۡ لَهُۥ شَیۡطَـٰنࣰا فَهُوَ لَهُۥ قَرِینࣱ }
[Surah Az-Zukhruf: 36]
