What Does Islam Teach About the Family and the Roles of Men, Women and Children?

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Fatwa ID: 05626

 

Answered by: Maulana Nazrul Islam

 

Question:

 

What does Islam teach about the family and the roles of men, women and Children?

 

 

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful

 

Answer:

 

وَاعْبُدُوا اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُوا بِهِ شَيْئًا وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْيَتَامَى وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَى وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ وَالصَّاحِبِ بِالْجَنْبِ وَابْنِ السَّبِيلِ وَمَا مَلَكَتْ أَيْمَانُكُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ مَنْ كَانَ مُخْتَالًا فَخُورًا

(An-Nisaa : 36)

 

Worship Allah, and do not associate with Him anything, and be good to parents and to kinsmen and orphans and the needy and the close neighbour and the distant neighbour and the companion at your side and the wayfarer and to those (slaves who are) owned by you. Surely, Allah does not like those who are arrogant, proud.

 

وَإِذْ قَالَ لُقْمَانُ لِابْنِهِ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُ يَا بُنَيَّ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِاللَّهِ إِنَّ الشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ

(Luqman: 13)

 

(Remember) when Luqman said to his son, while he was advising him, My dear son, do not ascribe partners to Allah. Indeed, ascribing partners to Allah (shirk) is a grave transgression.

 

وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنْسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ

(Luqman: 14)

 

We commanded man (to be good) in respect of his parents. His mother carried him (in her womb) despite weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. (We said to man,) .Be grateful to Me, and to your parents. To Me is the ultimate return.

 

وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلَا تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا وَاتَّبِعْ سَبِيلَ مَنْ أَنَابَ إِلَيَّ ثُمَّ إِلَيَّ مَرْجِعُكُمْ فَأُنَبِّئُكُمْ بِمَا كُنْتُمْ تَعْمَلُونَ

(Luqman : 15)

 

However, if they force you to ascribe partners to Me about whom you (can) have no (source of) knowledge, then do not obey them. Remain with them in this world with due fairness, but follow the way of the one who has turned himself towards Me. Then, towards Me is your return, so I shall tell you what you had been doing.

 

يَا بُنَيَّ إِنَّهَا إِنْ تَكُ مِثْقَالَ حَبَّةٍ مِنْ خَرْدَلٍ فَتَكُنْ فِي صَخْرَةٍ أَوْ فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ أَوْ فِي الْأَرْضِ يَأْتِ بِهَا اللَّهُ إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَطِيفٌ خَبِيرٌ

(Luqman: 16)

 

(Luqman went on saying to his son,) .My dear son, in fact, if there be anything to the measure of a grain of rye, and it is (hidden) in a rock or in the heavens or in the earth, Allah will bring it forth. Surely, Allah is All-Fine, All-Aware.

 

يَا بُنَيَّ أَقِمِ الصَّلَاةَ وَأْمُرْ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَانْهَ عَنِ الْمُنْكَرِ وَاصْبِرْ عَلَى مَا أَصَابَكَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ

(Luqman : 17)

 

My dear son, establish Salah, bid the Fair, forbid the Unfair, and observe patience on what befalls you. Surely, this is among the matters of determination.

 

وَلَا تُصَعِّرْ خَدَّكَ لِلنَّاسِ وَلَا تَمْشِ فِي الْأَرْضِ مَرَحًا إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُحِبُّ كُلَّ مُخْتَالٍ فَخُورٍ

(Luqman: 18)

 

and do not turn your cheek away from people, and do not walk on the earth haughtily. Surely, Allah does not like anyone who is arrogant, proud.

 

وَاقْصِدْ فِي مَشْيِكَ وَاغْضُضْ مِنْ صَوْتِكَ إِنَّ أَنْكَرَ الْأَصْوَاتِ لَصَوْتُ الْحَمِيرِ

(Luqman: 19)

 

and be moderate in your walk, and lower your voice. Surely, the ugliest of voices is the voice of the donkeys.

 

According to the teachings of Islam, the father is responsible to marry a good wife, so that she can become a good mother to the children.

 

He is responsible for giving the child a good name, teaching him the book of Allah and good manners, etc.

 

It is also his duty to take care of the household financially.

 

وعن عبد الله بن عمرو بن العاص رضي الله عنهما قال‏:‏ لم يكن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم فاحشاً ولا متفحشاً‏.‏ وكان يقول‏:‏ “إن من خياركم أحسنكم أخلاقاً” ‏(‏‏(‏متفق عليه‏)‏‏)‏‏.‏

 

‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin Al-‘as (May Allah be pleased with them) reported:

 

Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) did not indulge in loose talk nor did he like to listen to it. He used to say, “The best of you is the best among you in conduct.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].

Riyadus-Saliheen 624

 

حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بِشْرٍ، بَكْرُ بْنُ خَلَفٍ وَمُحَمَّدُ بْنُ يَحْيَى قَالاَ حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ جَعْفَرِ بْنِ يَحْيَى بْنِ ثَوْبَانَ، عَنْ عَمِّهِ، عُمَارَةَ بْنِ ثَوْبَانَ عَنْ عَطَاءٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ قَالَ ‏ “‏ خَيْرُكُمْ خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِهِ وَأَنَا خَيْرُكُمْ لأَهْلِي ‏”‏ ‏.‏

 

It was narrated from Ibn ‘Abbas that: the Prophet said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.”

Ibn Majah 1977

 

In regards to women Allah says;

وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ

Women have rights similar to what they owe.

 

Women are also responsible to take part in bringing a better quality of life into the family within their own capacity. Such as teaching the kids good manners and living with honour, love and respect etc.

 

In regards to children Allah says;

وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِنْدَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَا أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُلْ لَهُمَا أُفٍّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُلْ لَهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا

(Bani Israel : 23)

 

Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and do good to parents. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them: uff (a word or expression of anger or contempt) and do not scold them, and address them with respectful words.

 

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُلْ رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

(Bani Israel: 24)

and submit yourself before them in humility out of compassion, and say, My Lord, be merciful to them as they have brought me up in my childhood.

 

The men, women, and children of this Ummat (nation) have a responsibility to fulfil Allah’s rights and the rights of human beings.

حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدَانُ، أَخْبَرَنَا عَبْدُ اللَّهِ، أَخْبَرَنَا مُوسَى بْنُ عُقْبَةَ، عَنْ نَافِعٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عُمَرَ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صلى الله عليه وسلم قَالَ ‏ “‏ كُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ، وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ، وَالأَمِيرُ رَاعٍ، وَالرَّجُلُ رَاعٍ عَلَى أَهْلِ بَيْتِهِ، وَالْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَةٌ عَلَى بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا وَوَلَدِهِ، فَكُلُّكُمْ رَاعٍ وَكُلُّكُمْ مَسْئُولٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهِ ‏”‏‏.‏

 

Narrated Ibn `Umar:

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband’s house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards.”

Bukhari 5200

 

 

 

Only Allah knows best.

Written by Maulana Nazrul Islam

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah

Darul Ifta Birmingham

 

 

 

 

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