Fatwa ID: 06445
Answered by: Maulana Nazrul Islam
Question:
A woman has asked me to ask this question
A woman is in a very unhappy marriage as her husband is always arguing and never pleased with her many things are out of her control such as family relations and his arguments are usually baseless and a need for attention so she has no contact with others in her life other than him. She does agree with some arguments as a result of her being unhappy could be her fault also.
The husband is very controlling and she is utterly miserable in the marriage. Despite this, she still cares for her husband and does not want a divorce. However, due to the unhappiness, any physical contact has been affected and the marital relations are affected where she will sometimes flinch when he touches her and this affects him or due to his behaviour she can be withdrawn and this upsets him. She is sometimes ill and too depressed due to the way he treats her and the past behaviour that sometimes he senses and stays away from her. This has meant he has stayed away from his wife for 7 months and insists he will not touch her till she agrees to change her personality and welcome the close relationship yet he will not change his personality by stopping arguing and controlling behaviour. His request is she offers marital relations in a good way daily for life.
Is she sinful to flinch and not be too expressive in her nature due to his behaviour? If he stays away from her and she offers herself but he refuses for months until she committed to a daily marital relationship with no breaks for any reason despite his cruel behaviour towards her or her ill health what should she do is it better for her aakhira to ask for a divorce?
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
It is not a sin for a wife to flinch naturally because of fear due to a traumatic incident that had previously occurred. In other words, it is similar to a mistake.
The Prophet S.A.W. said;
Allah has forgiven my nation for mistakes and forgetfulness, and what they are forced to do. (1)
Sunan Ibn Majah 2045
The husband and wife both have rights to one another.
If after exploring all options, the marriage could not be reconciled, the wife can ask for a Khula.
Khula’ (Annulment of the marriage) from the husband in lieu of money.
If the husband refuses to give Khula, she can get the nikah annulled by referring her case to a Qadhi (judge) or a local judicial body of Ulama if the requirements for annulment are met according to Shariah.
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Maulana Nazrul Islam
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
(1)حَدَّثَنَا مُحَمَّدُ بْنُ الْمُصَفَّى الْحِمْصِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا الْوَلِيدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ، حَدَّثَنَا الأَوْزَاعِيُّ، عَنْ عَطَاءٍ، عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ قَالَ “ إِنَّ اللَّهَ وَضَعَ عَنْ أُمَّتِي الْخَطَأَ وَالنِّسْيَانَ وَمَا اسْتُكْرِهُوا عَلَيْهِ ” .
Sunan Ibn Majah 2045
