Fatwa ID: 07723
Answered by: Alimah Maryam Badshah
Question:
My wife has vaginismus. We have been married for 9 months and have not consummated the marriage. We are both suffering from emotional distress over this situation. I have tried every approach and have not made progress. Please advise.
In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful
Answer:
Vaginismus is an automatic muscle response of the vagina and is not uncommon. It is important to keep in mind that vaginismus is an involuntary response and although it will take time, it can be treated.
Seeing as this is a medical condition, it is a topic that would be better approached by a medical professional. As you have not mentioned what approaches you have tried, I will list some methods you can look into:
- Read the du’a before intercourse:
بِاسْمِ اللَّهِ، اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ، وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا
“In the Name of Allah. O Allah keep us away from the Shaytan and keep away the Shaytan from the one that you have bestowed upon us.” (Bukhari & Muslim)(2)
- Make plenty of du’a and zikr. The Prophet (saw) also used the following du’a whenever he was treating his wives, and he would comfort them whenever they were ill, even when he himself was sick. He used to place his right hand over the part that was in need of treatment and made the following du’a:
أَذْهِبِ الْبَاسَ رَبَّ النَّاسِ، وَاشْفِ أَنْتَ الشَّافِي، لاَ شِفَاءَ إِلاَّ شِفَاؤُكَ، شِفَاءً لاَ يُغَادِرُ سَقَمًا
“Remove the affliction, O the Lord of the people. And [bring about] healing as You are the Healer. There is no healing but Your Healing, a healing that will leave no ailment.” (Bukhari & Muslim)(3)
- If you have not done so already, seek treatment and advice from a doctor and see what help they can offer that is within the boundaries of Islam.
- Educate yourselves on what is permissible in intercourse and its purpose through reading Islamic literature on the subject, attending marriage lectures or seeking professional help from a qualified scholar or muslim counsellor. Research the sunnah of the Prophet (saw) and how he was with his wives.
- Use lubrication (like oils or gels) to ease the process.
- Employ different forms of relaxation exercises (e.g. breathing, stretches, etc.)
- Discuss with your wife what she thinks might make her more comfortable and relaxed during your time together. Show that you care and be supportive. Try to lessen her worries and, if she has any, her fears and anxieties about intercourse. Remember that this is an involuntary reaction and do not expect immediate reciprocation of your assurances.
Finally, it is important to note that vaginismus is thought to be caused by stress and anxiety regarding intercourse. Take some time off from attempting intercourse and instead work on developing trust and closeness between yourselves. Taking a break and doing activities to build trust and tranquillity. Spend time increasing your companionship and feeling comfortable in each others’ presence by sharing jokes, discussing unrelated topics and finding common ground. May Allah (swt) remove both your difficulties and grant you both sakina.
Allah (swt) says: “And from His signs is that He created for you from yourselves spouses that you may find tranquillity in them and He placed between you both love and mercy; Indeed in that are signs for a people who reflect.” Qur’an (30:21)(4)
Only Allah knows best.
Written by Alimah Maryam Badshah
Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah
Darul Ifta Birmingham
References:
(1) https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaginismus/
(2)
… عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ ـ رضى الله عنهما ـ قَالَ قَالَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم “ لَوْ أَنَّ أَحَدَهُمْ إِذَا أَرَادَ أَنْ يَأْتِيَ أَهْلَهُ قَالَ بِاسْمِ اللَّهِ، اللَّهُمَّ جَنِّبْنَا الشَّيْطَانَ، وَجَنِّبِ الشَّيْطَانَ مَا رَزَقْتَنَا، فَإِنَّهُ إِنْ يُقَدَّرْ بَيْنَهُمَا وَلَدٌ فِي ذَلِكَ، لَمْ يَضُرَّهُ شَيْطَانٌ أَبَدًا.”
Sahih Al-Bukhari 6388 (Bk.80, ch.54, sunnah.com) & Sahih Muslim 1434a (Bk.16, ch.18, sunnah.com)
(3)
حَدَّثَنِي عَبْدُ اللَّهِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ، حَدَّثَنَا يَحْيَى، عَنْ سُفْيَانَ، عَنِ الأَعْمَشِ، عَنْ مُسْلِمٍ، عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ، عَنْ عَائِشَةَ ـ رضى الله عنها ـ قَالَتْ كَانَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم يُعَوِّذُ بَعْضَهُمْ يَمْسَحُهُ بِيَمِينِهِ “ أَذْهِبِ الْبَاسَ رَبَّ النَّاسِ، وَاشْفِ أَنْتَ الشَّافِي، لاَ شِفَاءَ إِلاَّ شِفَاؤُكَ، شِفَاءً لاَ يُغَادِرُ سَقَمًا ”. فَذَكَرْتُهُ لِمَنْصُورٍ فَحَدَّثَنِي عَنْ إِبْرَاهِيمَ عَنْ مَسْرُوقٍ عَنْ عَائِشَةَ بِنَحْوِهِ.
Sahih al-Bukhari 5750 (Bk.76, ch.40, sunnah.com)
(4)
﴿ وَمِنْ آيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّ فِي ذَٰلِكَ لَآيَاتٍ لِّقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ ﴾
Qur’an (30:21)
