{"id":32266,"date":"2024-08-24T14:00:32","date_gmt":"2024-08-24T14:00:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/?p=32266"},"modified":"2024-08-26T16:09:12","modified_gmt":"2024-08-26T16:09:12","slug":"my-family-is-upset-because-of-me-setting-boundaries-for-them-to-meet-my-newborn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/my-family-is-upset-because-of-me-setting-boundaries-for-them-to-meet-my-newborn\/","title":{"rendered":"My Family Is Upset Because Of Me Setting Boundaries For Them To Meet My Newborn"},"content":{"rendered":"

Fatwa ID: 07415<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

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Answered by: Alimah Saniyah bint Asrar<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

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Question:<\/strong><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n

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I wanted to get guidance regarding a matter that I have been facing for quite some time now regarding my relations with my relatives.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I gave birth to my daughter 8 months ago, and after a few weeks she was born, family members visited me and my baby as expected.<\/span><\/p>\n

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However, I had restrictions regarding the caring and handling of my daughter, for example not kissing her on the face especially when sick and not playing or shaking her too harshly as she is very small but because they didn\u2019t respect boundaries, I had to spend days in emergency with my daughter hooked to oxygen and me developing depression almost and getting less to no sleep while I was at the hospital. I spoke up and raised the issue to them (respectfully) as I was very stressed seeing my newborn daughter in that condition but they didn\u2019t like it and thought I was disrespecting them so they completely cut ties with me and my parents.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I am feeling ashamed that because of my boundaries as a parent, my mother has to suffer the consequences and cannot have the same relationship she had with her brothers even though she had nothing to do with this whole situation. They didn\u2019t visit us on both Eids this year even though we invited them and called multiple times but they didn\u2019t invite us also but everyone else in the family.<\/span><\/p>\n

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When I raised the issue to them, as I said before I was very stressed sitting at the hospital seeing my daughter in a poorly condition struggling to breathe, I rang my relatives (out of stress) and questioned them why was it so hard to respect my wishes knowing they were sick but still kissing my daughter well knowing it\u2019s harmful for the baby that little as they also raised 4 children on their own.<\/span><\/p>\n

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They started shouting at me telling me \u201cyou shouldn\u2019t have invited us, you should have put a sign not to enter\u201d and the thing that hurt me the most was when they said \u201cdon\u2019t you dare enter my house and we won\u2019t even think of entering your house\u201d I was upset that as mothers they should have understood me and consoled me rather than attacking me and speaking to me so in that manner.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I was already going through postpartum depression as a first time mom struggling with birth trauma and this on top really made me hit rock bottom.<\/span><\/p>\n

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As mentioned, it\u2019s been 8 months and in all those 8 months they were backbiting, talking bad about my mother, myself and my baby every time they met each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

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This Eid we were finally invited but they didn\u2019t even look my way or talk to me or my mother.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I have forgiven them long ago but them behaving this way with my mother especially makes me feel so guilty that she is suffering because of my doings.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I am angry but I have forgiven them for the sake of Allah but they aren\u2019t willing to forgive me as a child and as someone new to motherhood by at least trying to be understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n

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I am really desperate for guidance. Please help me. What should I do in this situation and how can I help bring peace between my mother and them.<\/span><\/p>\n

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In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful<\/strong><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n

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Answer:<\/strong><\/u><\/span><\/p>\n

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The situation you’re in is indeed a challenging one. Setting boundaries for the safety of your baby is entirely justified, and asking others to respect those boundaries, when done with kindness and respect, should not be seen as a problem. If they interpret it as an insult or disrespect, that is beyond your control.<\/span><\/p>\n

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It’s admirable that you have chosen to forgive them, as maintaining family ties is a significant value in Islam. I understand that they are still not communicating properly with you or your mother. You mentioned that they didn\u2019t reach out to you during previous Eids, but now they have\u2014that\u2019s a positive step forward. Keep making dua for Allah to soften their hearts and help them understand your perspective. In Shaa Allah, their attitudes will change.<\/span><\/p>\n

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You might consider reaching out to your relatives once more, expressing your understanding of their feelings, and gently explaining the difficult position you were in as a new mother dealing with postpartum depression and the stress of your child\u2019s health issues. Sometimes, a heartfelt conversation, possibly facilitated by a neutral third party like a respected elder, can help mend the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Remember, maintaining family ties is highly emphasised in Islam. Continue to make dua for them, invite them to family events, and keep the door open for reconciliation. At the same time, be kind to yourself and seek support for your mental and emotional well-being. It\u2019s natural to feel guilt, but recognise that your primary responsibility was to protect your child, and you cannot control how others react. Trust in Allah\u2019s plan, continue to show kindness and patience, and insha\u2019Allah, with time, hearts will soften, and peace will be restored in your family.<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u0634\u0631\u062d \u0628\u0644\u0648\u063a \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0631\u0627\u0645 <\/u>– \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647\u064a\u0645\u064a\u062f \u0664\/\u200f\u0664\u0669\u0668<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0645\u0627\u0630\u0627 \u062a\u0639\u0646\u064a \u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645\u061f<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645 \u062a\u0639\u0646\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0625\u062d\u0633\u0627\u0646 \u0625\u0644\u0649 \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0642\u0631\u0628\u064a\u0646 \u0648\u0625\u064a\u0635\u0627\u0644 \u0645\u0627 \u0623\u0645\u0643\u0646 \u0645\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062e\u064a\u0631 \u0625\u0644\u064a\u0647\u0645 \u0648\u062f\u0641\u0639 \u0645\u0627 \u0623\u0645\u0643\u0646 \u0645\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u0634\u0631 \u0639\u0646\u0647\u0645.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0627\u0630\u0643\u0631 \u0641\u0636\u0627\u0626\u0644 \u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645\u061f<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0627\u0644\u062d\u062f\u064a\u062b \u062f\u0644\u064a\u0644 \u0639\u0644\u0649 \u0641\u0636\u0644 \u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645\u060c \u0648\u0623\u0646\u0647\u0627 \u0645\u0646 \u0623\u0633\u0628\u0627\u0628 \u062f\u062e\u0648\u0644 \u0627\u0644\u062c\u0646\u0629\u060c \u0648\u0644\u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645 \u0641\u0636\u0627\u0626\u0644:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0623\u0648\u0644\u064b\u0627: \u0633\u0628\u0628 \u0641\u064a \u0632\u064a\u0627\u062f\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0639\u0645\u0631.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0643\u0645\u0627 \u0641\u064a \u062d\u062f\u064a\u062b \u0627\u0644\u0628\u0627\u0628 (\u0645\u0646 \u0623\u062d\u0628 \u0623\u0646 \u064a\u0628\u0633\u0637 \u0644\u0647 \u0641\u064a \u0631\u0632\u0642\u0647\u060c \u0648\u064a\u0646\u0633\u0623 \u0644\u0647 \u0641\u064a \u0623\u062b\u0631\u0647\u060c \u0641\u0644\u064a\u0635\u0644 \u0631\u062d\u0645\u0647).<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0648\u0642\u0627\u0644 \ufdfa (\u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645\u060c \u0648\u062d\u0633\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062e\u0644\u0642 \u064a\u0639\u0645\u0631\u0627\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062f\u064a\u0627\u0631 \u0648\u064a\u0632\u064a\u062f\u0627\u0646 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0639\u0645\u0627\u0631) \u0631\u0648\u0627\u0647 \u0623\u062d\u0645\u062f.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0648\u0639\u0646\u062f \u0627\u0644\u062a\u0631\u0645\u0630\u064a \u0642\u0627\u0644 \ufdfa (\u062a\u0639\u0644\u0651\u064e\u0645\u0648\u0627 \u0645\u0646 \u0623\u0646\u0633\u0627\u0628\u0650\u0643\u0645 \u0645\u0627 \u062a\u0635\u0650\u0644\u064f\u0648\u0646 \u0628\u0647 \u0623\u0631\u062d\u0627\u0645\u064e\u0643\u0645\u061b \u0641\u0625\u0646 \u0635\u0650\u0644\u064e\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u0651\u064e\u062d\u0650\u0645 \u0645\u062d\u0628\u0651\u064e\u0629\u064c \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0647\u0644\u060c \u0645\u062b\u0652\u0631\u064e\u0627\u0629\u064c \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0627\u0644\u060c \u0645\u0646\u0633\u064e\u0623\u0629\u064c \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0623\u062b\u064e\u0631).<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0648\u0623\u062e\u0631\u062c \u0627\u0644\u0637\u064a\u0627\u0644\u0633\u064a \u0639\u0646 \u0639\u0645\u0631\u0648 \u0628\u0646 \u0633\u0647\u0644 \ufd41 \u0623\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u0646\u0628\u064a \ufdfa \u0642\u0627\u0644 (\u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0642\u0631\u0627\u0628\u0629 \u0645\u062b\u0631\u0627\u0629 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0645\u0627\u0644\u060c \u0645\u062d\u0628\u0629 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0647\u0644\u060c \u0645\u0646\u0633\u0623\u0629 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0623\u062c\u0644).<\/span><\/p>\n

\u062b\u0627\u0646\u064a\u064b\u0627: \u0645\u0646 \u0648\u0635\u0644\u0647\u0627 \u0648\u0635\u0644\u0647 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0643\u0645\u0627 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u062d\u062f\u064a\u062b: (\u0645\u0646 \u0648\u0635\u0644\u0646\u064a \u0648\u0635\u0644\u0647 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647).<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u0643\u0646\u0632 \u0627\u0644\u0639\u0645\u0627\u0644 \u0663<\/u>\/\u200f\u0663\u0665\u0666\u00a0<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

\u0666\u0669\u0660\u0669- \u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645 \u062a\u0632\u064a\u062f \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0639\u0645\u0631\u060c \u0648\u0635\u062f\u0642\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0633\u0631 \u062a\u0637\u0641\u0626 \u063a\u0636\u0628 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u0628. \u00ab\u0627\u0644\u0642\u0636\u0627\u0639\u064a \u0639\u0646 \u0627\u0628\u0646 \u0645\u0633\u0639\u0648\u062f\u00bb.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0666\u0669\u0661\u0660- \u0635\u0644\u0629 \u0627\u0644\u0631\u062d\u0645\u060c \u0648\u062d\u0633\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062e\u0644\u0642\u060c \u0648\u062d\u0633\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062c\u0648\u0627\u0631 \u064a\u0639\u0645\u0631\u0646 \u0627\u0644\u062f\u064a\u0627\u0631 \u0648\u064a\u0632\u062f\u0646 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0639\u0645\u0627\u0631. \u00ab\u062d\u0645 \u0647\u0628 \u0639\u0646 \u0639\u0627\u0626\u0634\u0629\u00bb.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0666\u0669\u0661\u0661- \u0627\u062a\u0642\u0648\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647 \u0648\u0635\u0644\u0648\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0631\u062d\u0627\u0645\u060c \u0641\u0625\u0646\u0647 \u0623\u0628\u0642\u0649 \u0644\u0643\u0645 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u062f\u0646\u064a\u0627\u060c \u0648\u062e\u064a\u0631 \u0644\u0643\u0645 \u0641\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0622\u062e\u0631\u0629. \u00ab\u0639\u0628\u062f \u0628\u0646 \u062d\u0645\u064a\u062f \u0648\u0627\u0628\u0646 \u062c\u0631\u064a\u0631 \u0641\u064a \u062a\u0641\u0633\u064a\u0631\u0647\u0645\u0627 \u0639\u0646 \u0642\u062a\u0627\u062f\u0629\u00bb \u0645\u0631\u0633\u0644\u0627.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0666\u0669\u0661\u0662- \u0627\u062a\u0642\u0648\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0644\u0647 \u0648\u0635\u0644\u0648\u0627 \u0627\u0644\u0623\u0631\u062d\u0627\u0645. \u00ab\u0627\u0628\u0646 \u0639\u0633\u0627\u0643\u0631 \u0639\u0646 \u0627\u0628\u0646 \u0645\u0633\u0639\u0648\u062f\u00bb.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0666\u0669\u0661\u0663- \u0623\u0631\u062d\u0627\u0645\u0643\u0645 \u0623\u0631\u062d\u0627\u0645\u0643\u0645. \u00ab\u062d\u0628 \u0639\u0646 \u0623\u0646\u0633\u00bb.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0666\u0669\u0661\u0664- \u0628\u0644\u0648\u0627 \u0623\u0631\u062d\u0627\u0645\u0643\u0645 \u0648\u0644\u0648 \u0628\u0627\u0644\u0633\u0644\u0627\u0645. \u00ab\u0627\u0644\u0628\u0632\u0627\u0631 \u0639\u0646 \u0627\u0628\u0646 \u0639\u0628\u0627\u0633\u00bb \u00ab\u0637\u0628 \u0639\u0646 \u0623\u0628\u064a \u0627\u0644\u0637\u0641\u064a\u0644\u00bb \u00ab\u0647\u0628 \u0639\u0646 \u0623\u0646\u0633 \u0648\u0633\u0648\u064a\u062f \u0628\u0646 \u0639\u0645\u0631\u0648\u00bb.<\/span><\/p>\n

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Only Allah (\u0639\u0632 \u0648 \u062c\u0644) knows best.<\/span><\/p>\n

Written by Alimah Saniyah bint Asrar<\/span><\/p>\n

Checked and approved by Mufti Mohammed Tosir Miah<\/span><\/p>\n

Darul Ifta Birmingham<\/span><\/p>\n

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 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Fatwa ID: 07415     Answered by: Alimah Saniyah bint Asrar   Question:   I wanted to get guidance regarding a matter that I have…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[12],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32266"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32266"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32266\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":32490,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32266\/revisions\/32490"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32266"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32266"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/daruliftabirmingham.co.uk\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32266"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}